Look, I know drones aren’t cool. They were developed for the military in order to wage a “bloodless” war, which really only means “bloodless” for one side. As if that was the only problem with war. As if war would definitely be chill if only our guys didn’t get hurt so much. Look, I don’t want our guys to get hurt, that is obviously not what I am saying, please don’t Zoe Barnes me on this (or even worse, Nancy Jo Sales me). I just mean that a “bloodless” war is not even a little bit “bloodless” and that a “bloodless” war is not as chill as the Don Draper’s at Quantico would like to have you believe. All of that being said, I just saw a video in which a dude flies a drone to deliver a Domino’s pizza SO MAYBE WE NEED TO RETHINK THIS WHOLE THING.

I recently heard some pro on the radio talking about drones and how people were only scared of them right now because they are used to destroy human beings from the sky by a group of 19-year-olds sitting in a windowless room somewhere they didn’t fully understand the civilian possibilities, but that much like the military’s other invention, The Internet, it was only a matter of time before the average person saw the convenience of drone’s in every day life. Which would be a pretty strong argument if drones weren’t just RADIO CONTROLLED AIRPLANES. Those have been around, dude. We just didn’t used to strap ACTUAL MISSILES to them. But you’re going to tell me that a remote controlled pizza plane is the same as a lightning fast communications system designed to transmit the whole of human knowledge across the entire world in the blink of an eye? REMOTE CONTROLLED PIZZA PLANE IS NEAT BUT LET’S PLEASE CHECK OURSELVES, HAWKS.

Comments (21)
  1. Delivery in 30 minutes or the first dead innocent civilian is free.

  2. If only we had had this technology/pizza franchise during the Berlin Airlift.

  3. With new pizza technology is only going to come new pizza problems! People are going to start complaining about all kinds of things, “there’s leaves in my pizza”, “hey a bird ate my pepperoni”, “this is a facetaco not a pizza”.

    Then to solve these problems (people are such whiners, guys) we’re going to have to PROTECT THE PIZZA drones. Then we’ll have pizza drones doing bird strikes, bombing suspicious tree houses…pizza drone isn’t weaponized now, but just you wait!

  4. I can’t wait to have my meal delivered by Ben Wyatt’s Low-Cal Calzone Zone Drone.

  5. Easy way for a pizza to get cold real fast, geniuses.

  6. I bet Cosa Nostra pizza will be all over this idea.

  7. Maybe they’re just trying to get ahead of those “Noid killed by drone!” rumors

  8. Can we just sit here and think about how beautiful it would be to see 30 pizzas parachuting down to a house party?

  9. Remote Controlled Pizza Plane is the name of my new band.

  10. So, if I follow, this is a three-step process:

    1. Talk about whatever it is you’re standing in front of.
    2. Talk about something else.
    3. Wonder if you’ll do it.

  11. How many casualties occurred between tests 1 and 31? Why are they only showing test 32? WHAT IS BIG PIZZA TRYING TO HIDE?

  12. ALWAYS TIP THE DRONES

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