“I know you love me. Like, I know that. But I guess the problem — I mean, I don’t want it to sound like some huge thing, but — I guess the problem is that you don’t show me that you love me as much anymore. Since we got the robot who uses algorithms to anticipate my needs I’m seeing this great contrast in how the robot treats me and how you treat me, and have treated me for a while now. When I stand in front of the refrigerator with a tupperware container full of leftovers, for instance, what do you do? You don’t move, you don’t do anything — you just stand wherever you are, going about your business. The robot, though — when the robot sees me standing in front of the refrigerator he comes over and opens the door for me. Do you see what I’m saying? When I’m sitting down at my desk, working, the robot comes over and pours beer into my coffee mug. Was I drinking beer out of my coffee mug? I’m not sure! It doesn’t look like it! But he was thinking of me and he showed it. It’s been so nice having him around for these reasons, but also a bit sad. Why aren’t we like this anymore? Why do I need a robot in the house in order to feel loved?”

“And I know you’re probably thinking ‘Well, why don’t you just marry the robot then, if you love him so much?’ And, you know, that’s what I’ve decided I’m going to do. We got engaged last night and we’ll be wed in the spring. Goodbye, my love. Have a good life.” (Via Geekologie.)

Comments (16)
  1. One thing is for certain. Whoever made this robot video is a BIG fan of Donnie Darko. (That is not a Donna Darko joke. I really mean it.)

  2. I wonder what the robot would do if the human picked up his mug and spiked it on the floor. Algorithm that.

  3. This is a word-for-word plagiarism of one of my own tweets, but I’m putting it here too because it is perhaps the truest truth about me: I can’t wait until I’m old and it’s just me, my cats, and the robot butler I’ve programmed to be sassy, yet wise.

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