FilmDrunk points out that the enormous popularity of the Twilight series of books and movies has expanded its merchandising to a theme cruise. The trip includes an autograph session and a costume ball. Sounds like fun! A bunch of frustrated nerds whose one desire is to live in a fantasy world where sex equals death and men are monsters, playing shuffleboard and doing the limbo at the midnight buffet. I’m pretty sure the boat in Ghost Ship was a Twilight cruise. Also, aren’t cruises relatively expensive? Adults are paying for this? Adults, cut it out. All the kids are like:

“Dear Becky,

Yesterday I almost got to meet one of the kids who is an extra in the high school cafeteria in New Moon, but then my mom embarrassed me by BEING ALIVE. I would throw myself into the ocean except that would mean that Robert Pattinson could never MARRY ME.

Lots Of Love.
Lindsay Robertson”

Just kidding. I know that teenagers don’t know what postcards are. “You mean like sexting but on paper?” No, I don’t.

(Image via FilmDrunk.)

Comments (19)
  1. Okay, you know, I can totally get behind someone trying to take financial advantage of Twilight fans, because I mean hey, they make it easy. But a cruise? A CRUISE? Do the people involved know their target demographic AT ALL?

    Has there ever been a Star Trek cruise? I mean arguably, that franchise has had YEARS of obsessed fans dropping money left and right. A cruise where everyone pretends they are on the Enterprise with ship employees wearing Trek uniforms and some psuedo-Trek celebs on board for photo-ops and autographs sounds like a good a idea. Until you bring in the fact that Trek fans don’t LIKE the beach or cruises or you know…sunlight. I’m not going to say it’s the same for Twilight fans, but it’s the same for Twilight fans. There’s no internet on a cruise ship.

    Unless this is some ploy to get all the Twilight fans onto one boat and then sink it in the middle of the ocean.

  2. A Twilight cruise seems like an incredibly unsafe idea

  3. I thought the franchise for Harry Potter was getting embarrassingly out of hand (embarrassing considering how much I loved the books but dislike consumerism, I mean), but at least there is the fact that there was never a Harry Potter-themed CRUISE SHIP FOR TWEENS, cruise ships of course being one of the most obscene examples of both environmental waste and bourgeois squandering of disposable income, not to mention the Tacky Factor, which is obviously high. AT LEAST I HAVE THAT.

    (P.S. If you know of a Harry Potter-themed cruise ship, please do not tell me about it.)

  4. Of course they have a fucking cruise. The vamps fit well on the deck working on their “sparkle” petting their warewolf puppies. Yeah it all works!

  5. Imagine being a failed comedian/cruise ship comedian who has to comb through the glut of Wikipedia information on Twilight in order to find relevant jokes for your tween audience. Toughest crowd ever!

  6. marah  |   Posted on Jun 2nd, 2009 -3
  7. yea – let’s put all the twilight fans out to sea… i think that’s a great idea. same thing we do with the old and the poor…

    oh… we don’t do that? well let’s start that trend, but only with twilight fans.

  8. So, Lindsay…isn’t it time for Gabe to do a new Double Dog? Just throwing that out there.

  9. haha best use of photoshop i have seen this week.

  10. The company that is doing this is called Cruises Cruises Cruises, Inc. That name is such a winner. Like if I dated that name and brought it home to my family they would be happy.

  11. Today i heard of an organization called Mothers For Twilight. This depresses me more. Thanks Gabe!
    Also(I am a horrible person) does anyone else imagine this being a really unattractive bunch?

  12. Uh, they already had this:

  13. “You mean like sexting but on paper?” Oh Gabe, if I could give you an up for that, I would.

  14. I would like to point out that the cruise goes to Ketchikan, and I imagine the only thing worse than visiting Ketchikan is visiting Ketchikan with Twilight fans.

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