One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I was walking with Statham.”

Comments (20)
  1. Do you reject Statham and all his empty promises?! Well, do ya?!

  2. “But Lord,” the boy asked.
    “Why are there no footprints,
    where you and Jason walked?”

    The Lord replied,
    “That’s because,
    we we’re grinding down railings,
    on waiter trays,
    while shooting bad guys in the face.”

  3. Now I lay me down to sleep
    I pray to Statham my life to keep
    If I should die before I wake
    Statham didn’t do his job

  4. LOL LOL #footprints

  5. Our Statham, who art in England,
    hallowed be your name.
    Your bald head come,
    your will be done,
    on earth, as it is in England.
    Give us this day our Chinese Shit,
    and forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
    And lead us not into fucking outdoors during a dog race,
    but deliver us from evil.


  6. God from God, Light from Light, Jason Statham from Jason Stathm.
    Begotten, not made.

  7. As I was going to St Ives
    I met Jason Statham and his seven wives.
    Every wife had seven sacks
    Every sack had seven cats
    Every cat had seven kits
    Kits, cats, sacks, wives
    How many told him he can say “no” to a script occasionally?

  8. WWJSD

  9. and as it is Statham, so also as Statham is it unto you.

  10. I read this blog post
    Expecting there to be jokes
    Alas, I thought, nope.

  11. Bumper sticker idea: “My boss is an English Transporter”

  12. Too bad Statham has already used “He was dead… but he got better” as a tagline because that would make for and awesome Passion poster.

  13. Jason Statham and Jesus Christ are…The Mechanic and the Carpenter, coming to theaters 2014.

  14. “Looks like we’re in a tight spot, mate. Any ideas?”
    “You ever heard of the Golgotha job?”
    “Blimey! That was you?”
    “…Hang on, we’re getting outta here.”

  15. Great post. Add in a few “innit”s and “bruv”s and it’s perfect.

  16. footprints in the sand jokes will never not be funny.

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