One of the coolest (“always start on a lie” is the blogger’s code) parts about the 24 hour entertainment blog “news” cycle is how often questions will be asked of celebrities specifically to report the question as fact if the celebrity gives anything other than a “no” answer. You know? Like, “Jennifer Aniston, will there be a Friends reunion?” “Oh, that would be nice, but I don’t think–” “JENNIFER ANISTON SAYS FRIENDS REUNION POSSIBLE.” Or, “Lauren Graham, Gilmore Girls movie?” “Oh, a Gilmore Girls movie? Uh–” “LARUEN GRAHAM SAYS GILMORE GIRLS MOVIE!” You know. That isn’t exactly what went on here, but GQ did recently ask Bill Hader about the possibility of a “Stefon” movie, SO THAT MEANS NOW WE GET TO TALK ABOUT IT! From GQ, via Splitsider:

There’s no emotional through line. Sometimes people say to me “I want a Stefon movie” and I’m like, you think you want a Stefon movie but then you’ll see the poster for it and think: “Wait, I don’t want this.”

Uh, excuse me, do NOT tell us whether or not we want two hours of one joke that, while very good, sometimes feels a little long during its 1.5 minute segment on “Weekend Update.” GIVE AMERICA WHAT IT WANTS FOR ONE SECOND AND WILL DISPOSE OF IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS! THE AMERICAN WAY! What would a Stefon movie be like, though?  I can’t even imagine. Just lying, I CAN!

  • Stefon, an orphan, goes in search of his parents.
  • Stefon starts a club of his own but ultimately realizes owning your own club isn’t as fun as just going to clubs. Goes back to his day job as a family physician.
  • Stefon goes to jail.
  • Stefon goes to space.
  • The movie is a documentary following the life of an actual club kid and, though the club kid himself doesn’t necessarily realize, it is heartbreaking.
  • Stefon lists club names for 1.5 hours.
  • From Stefon to Mango 
  • Stefon moves in with his sister, who is having an affair with her boss, and her adorable son for a while.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS? I think it’s gonna be great!

Comments (21)
  1. People say to me “I want a Stefon movie” and I’m like, you think you want a Stefon movie but you are not even a real person that actually exists.

  2. “Stefon Fails to Keep A Straight Face For 2 Hours”

  3. Stefon in Time: Journey to Knight Life

  4. Stefon Goes to Washington

  5. His love child with Henry Winkler, now a tween, turns up on his doorstep. His name is Stefonzie.

  6. Stefon takes a road trip with Lindsey Buckingham, Vincent Price, Alan Alda, and James Carville. Bill Hader plays all the roles!

  7. Mildly related: Did any of you guys see Jeopardy this week when Alex said he hated Sean Connery? It made me love him a little, and then he did something pretentious and I hated him again.

    • Ha! I did not see that episode, but that sounds funny.

      A couple weeks ago, I was getting my oil changed, and Jeopardy was on in the waiting room. A girl who was also waiting was knitting something and also whispering the answers just loud enough so the rest of us could hear how smart she was. She did not know the Final Jeopardy answer.

  8. Well obviously he has to own the hottest club in Manhattan. And maybe he has to shut it down because it’s too strange even for Manhattan-ers? So he moves to…..say….a small homophobic town in Arizona where everyone is toting a gun and he opens his club there but has a hard time toning it down for the locals. Why in god’s name would he ever move to such a town? Well of course he inherited a mansion there from his….Uncle!

    I watch too much TV.

  9. I really don’t watch Saturday Night Live, so I’m not familiar with this character, but I would like to thank Bill Hader for not subjecting me to what I can only imagine would be a horrible movie trailer that would air 500 times per day.

  10. Wouldn’t the Stefon movie just be Party Monster?

    We already have a Party Monster. It’s called Party Monster, and it’s GREAT/(the worst).

  11. stefon spends one CRAZY night searching for the hottest new nightclub in town!!

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