Oh, Farah Abraham! I try to keep our lives separate, I try to let you live yours the way you see fit while letting me live mine without having to know what you see as fit, but you keep forcing your way into my brain! I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, FARRAH! AND NOW I HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH INNOCENT PEOPLE, SO I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE SUFFERING! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! From Zap2It:

Making yet another in an insanely long line of wise decisions, Farrah Abraham already knows when she plans to show her daughter the now-infamous sex tape she made with porn star James Deen. According to Farrah, 13 or 14 years old will be the age when she shows her daughter all of the things that have defined her “career” so far.

In an interview with King Mac Radio, Farrah says she’s compiled a “baby box” filled with all kinds of goodies to pass onto her daughter when she’s old enough. What’s in the box, you ask? All the episodes of “Teen Mom” on DVD, her book, and naturally a copy of the new porn video. Farrah says she plans to share these treasures with her daughter “when she’s around 13 or 14, gets on her period, and is like, ‘Oh, I kinda’ want a boyfriend.’”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAAAAAAAAAAT? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????? Like, absolutely why show it to her EVER, but then also why show it to her at such an early age, and then also why when she wants a boyfriend?! FARRAH! I’m sure she’ll understand the devastating effects having a daughter, being on a reality show about it, and then starring in porn have on a young girl, since the results of which add up to be THE LIFE SHE WILL BE LIVING. She doesn’t actually have to watch them! Farrah, girl! Life is hard enough! As it has been in the past, it’s up to you now to choose whether you’d like to talk about this or whether you’d like to forget it, bury yourself in warm dirt, hum to yourself until the memories fade away, and then talk about what you’re having for lunch. CHOOSE WISELY!

Comments (46)
  1. Pork chop

  2. A Farro bowl. It was ok.

    That was not a pun on Farrah’s name. I literally had a bowl of farro with chicken and vegetables and sriracha.

  3. I’m going to say this really quickly so that hopefully the sound of my racing thoughts and words will drown out the thought of what that block quote could possibly say I mean there is no way I’m ever going to read that at least not if I keep talking about lunch always.

    I had a side salad and an 8 piece chicken nuggets. The salad had balsamic viniagrette on it. I also ate like 70 baby carrots. There was a “carnival” at work because it’s “employee appreciation week” which happens to be a week before “employee opinion survey” time. I got a bag of cotton candy called “Candee Fluff” which sounds like a stripper name (oh no I shouldn’t talk about strippers in this thread that is a bad idea let’s get back to the story) and also a handful of popcorn. I’ve been very snacky today. I’m also about to eat an apricot. My throat is very sore from allergies and post-nasal drip so I’m compulsively eating and drinking to distract it from thinking that I just slept an entire night with my mouth wide open getting so dry in the nasty air.

    That is my story and I may never come back to this thread to upvote because I never want to think about this again so while I’m sure you’re all very funny and great as always I simply cannot hang around here anymore okay bye!!!

  4. Ramen, or as my coworker called it “Nice ra, man.” He didn’t really say this.

  5. That sandwich looks pretty good. If only I felt like I would ever want to eat again.

  6. Shish kabobs. Really.

  7. I’d have to watch the sex tape to judge; maybe it just shows something age-appropriate for a 13-year-old, like a rainbow party.

  8. Has anyone else noticed that the news and popular culture is making their mother’s day card inscriptions weirder and weirder?

    “Dear Mom:

    Thank you for never killing me, or trying to make me a star, or doing cocaine off of strippers with me, or making a sex tape and then planning on showing me the sex tape. A+ on all of that.”

  9. I had 8 chicken nuggets, a side salad, a handful of buttered popcorn, about 70 baby carrots, and took a bag of cotton candy for the road from an Employee Appreciation Carnival at my job.

  10. I ate a Bluth Frozen banana. it was… ok.

  11. Since I eat the same thing for lunch almost everyday, I’ll tell you what my co-worker eats. He’s decided that it’s a great idea to just take all of his leftovers from the last 3 days, dump them in a bowl, and nuke them. Leftovers can be anything from tuna casserole to Caesar Salad to grapes. Doesn’t matter. And yes, it smells as awful as it sounds.

  12. Also, I had Chapaghetti, which is a pretty delicious instant version of jjajangmyun, which is like Chinese-style Korean noodles in black bean sauce.

  13. Shrimp and grits.

    I will say this in Farrah’s defense: The way things are with kids and the internet now, Sophia will probably know about this either through her friends or a series of horrifying Google searches for her own name long before she is 13 years old. I imagine her response to this revelation being something along the lines of “Yeah. Duh.”

    I am, however, a little concerned with her saying she is going to “show” her daughter because that could mean all types of things and I’m already not very confident in her judgement.

  14. “You’re grounded, young lady! And you have to watch my “sex tape” again!”

    “But Mooooooooommmmm!”

  15. My lunch was boring, but can we talk about dinner? Lobster claws are on sale, so I am going to pick up some of those tonight and cook them with garlic butter and mushrooms, and I will have them with grilled Brussels sprouts with walnuts and lemon (inspired by the last “what’s for lunch?” thread).

  16. This honestly sounds more like a Courtney Stodden origin story than anything.

    • Hahahaha you are a treasure catweazle. Thanks to this comment I will now be looking for comic book-style origin stories everywhere I go.

  17. It’s night time here, but I was rudely interrupted while making myself a sauteed onion and pierogi grilled cheese sandwich and didn’t get to eat that for dinner. Tomorrow!

  18. Slice of banana walnut bread and peppermint iced coffee.

  19. I always have the same thing for lunch, but I have a doctor’s appointment later today (just for a regular checkup), and my doctor’s office is in a cute nearby college town with many cafes and diners, so I’m excited about my dinner options. Will I go for a panini and a nice latte, or a good old-fashioned burger? I just don’t know! Anything could happen!

  20. Lunch is catered at my work today and it’s an Indian Fusion food truck that I really like! Paneer tikka masala in a burrito and on waffle fries!! I was eating really healthy this week but obviously that is now ruined in the best way. Initially I had a strawberry red leaf salad with almonds but hahahaha now there are waffle fries.

  21. I had pesto pasta salad and half a wrap that had a bunch of tasty veggies inside.

    also: why hasn’t anyone called child protective services yet?

  22. I’m about to go get lunch and my goal is find something that is as delicious as that sandwich looks.

  23. Salmon avocado sushi rolls. Was going to pack a sandwich since it costs about 1/16th of the cost of buying lunch somewhere but a coworker said we will get lunch today, then I get in to work and find out that was one of those bullshit invites that wasn’t actually going to happen, so here I am.

  24. I don’t have this problem because my mother never had sex because gross. (I don’t understand biology.)

    I have leftover quinoa with sausage and veggies, and Crunch bar.

  25. My lunch today was so delicious that I put it on the Instagram, even though the Instagramming of foods is one of my least-favourite things. I knew I would miss it as soon as it was gone, and it was easier to put it on Instagram than to build a commemorative statue. It was a sammich on the most amazing focaccia, with super-thinly-sliced veggies, ricotta, and a second cheese whose name I forget.

    Huh. Describing a sandwich is much less interesting than eating it. But, really, it was so very amazing, and I kept trying to tell my co-workers how it was the best and they kept getting confused about why I was displaying enthusiasm.

    I also saw a very good Basset Hound on my way to buy the sandwich, but I did not get a picture of him. He was particularly droopy and loping and I may have exclaimed out loud when I saw him even though I was by myself and he was all the way across the park.

  26. Uh, free pizza at work. I told you guys this yesterday. Doesn’t anyone remember?

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