If you had a catered-to-your-liking viewing plan set for the new season of Arrested Development, under the Jason Bateman-given impression that you’d be able to watch it in whatever order you wanted, because this is America, and this is your show, and you deserve it, whatever “it” is, even if “it” is something that sounds completely unnecessary, GET READY FOR YOUR LIFE TO BE JUST ABOUT COMPLETELY FUCKING RUINED. Yesterday, Mitch Hurwitz tweeted:

“Done! Just finished the final mix last night. In two weeks Arrested Development will be yours to do with as you please. Except for 1 thing! You gotta watch them in order. Turns out I was not successful in creating a form where the setup follows the punch line.”

Nooooooo! But you prooooooooomiiissssed! What’s next, OBAMA? What other rights do you plan to snatch out from beneath our weary feet? What other viewing suggestions might you impose on our new season of Arrested Development?! (Ideas for other imposed viewing suggestions after the jump.)

  • New season must be watched at a volume that isn’t too loud but definitely is just slightly louder than you need it to be, so you never feel like you’re straining.
  • New season must be watched with clean glasses, contacts that aren’t currently hurting your eyes, or vision that is perfect enough to escape the need of glasses and contacts.
  • New season must be watched with snacks.
  • New season must be watched while someone who lives in the apartment below you HAS BAND PRACTICE.
  • New season must either be watched with friends or during alone time that feels good and energizing.
  • New season must be watched on top of a tall mountain that, like, YOU CAN’T EVEN REACH.
  • New season must be watched without the sun shining directly onto your television or computer screen, so you can actually see it.
  • New season must be watched IN HANDCUFFS.
  • New season must be watched with your dog on your lap, if you have a small to medium-sized dog.

Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Comments (21)
  1. •New season must be watched while tweeting about watching new season. #newseason

    • The new season must be watched while consuming a sandwich of above-average quality, and while either sitting by Real Tilda Swinton or a decent photograph of Tilda Swinton.

    • New season must be watched while on tumblr, so you can reblog any and all gifs from new season as they are posted.

  2. First they came for the out-of-order shows, and I said nothing, because I don’t watch out of order shows.

  3. New season must not be watched. New season must be pieced together in your mind via Internet references.

  4. You got to have a stew going.

  5. But Kelly, what do I do if I don’t have a small to medium sized dog, but I have an average size house cat? Can I still watch the show?

  6. • New season must be watched in your mansion on your designer couch with your English butler serving you expensive drinks and snacks from a gold platter.

  7. Once you watch the new season, you will die in 7 days.

  8. You must finish any vodka you open before you finish watching the episode so it doesn’t go bad.

  9. Dead season. Do not watch.

  10. Listen, this doesn’t relate to anything talked about here but it means about as much if not more…

  11. Watch it outside on a big projector with your hop-ons. You’re going to get some hop-ons.

  12. If your friends don’t want to watch it all at once, goad them into it with a chicken dance of your choosing

  13. new season must be watched partially then you run outside to chase squirrels #ADD

  14. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

  15. New season, if being watched in the morning, must be watched with vodka and a piece of toast.

  16. The new season must be watched with a nagging feeling that it’s all a big precursor to a movie which seems totally unnecessary and may or may not ever happen such that you can’t quite relax and just enjoy it for what it is

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