I don’t have any children of my own, YET, hi ladies, but I’ve done my fair share of babysitting (ALWAYS BE ON YOUR GRIND) and I’ve seen movies and stuff. The point is: babies, right. Yes. For sure. These days, though, one of the hardest things about having a baby is knowing whether or not a baby has peed its diaper. Who has the time in our modern lives?! Oh, sure, you could just CHECK, but this is 2013. Checking is for ASSHOLES. (Can you believe that there was a time when people didn’t even have diapers?! I don’t know why we are still a species today because frankly I think everyone should have just KILLED THEMSELVES.) I know what you are thinking because we are all thinking it: now that we have diapers and also smart phones there has GOT to be a way to COMBINE those two things. Ding Dong McFly, say hello to TweetPee, the newest invention from Huggies. You simply place an electronic sensor on your baby’s dick or vagina and as soon as they start peeing through it, the sensor sends a fucking TWEET BLAST directly to your phone letting you know there is pee everywhere. THIS IS SO GREAT. Now you don’t even have to be in the same room as your baby. Just put it on the floor of the coat closet, strap the sensor to its dick, close the door so you don’t have to see its stupid baby face, and head out to the boom boom room for some cocktails. YOU FUCKING EARNED IT. FIST BUMP. What is your baby really adding to the conversation when you think about it? What is your baby’s BRAND, even?! Follow your baby’s pee on Twitter. THIS IS AN AWESOME WORLD WE LIVE IN AND I’M VERY EXCITED JUST TO BE A PART OF IT.

Admittedly, the ad is in Portuguese because that is where all of the latest Piss Tech gets product tested, but it’s only a matter of time before TweetPee is available IN MANHATTAN.

What a great invention. Mark Zuckerberg is like aw fuuuuu why didn’t I invent that for my MOVIE?! Silicon Valley is burning. The world is soaked. I’m lovin’ it. TweetPee. TWEETPEE. (Via LaughingSquid.)

Comments (26)
  1. When did it become okay to use disposable diapers and not care about the landfill/consumption aspect?

    And didn’t mass-produced landfill stuff used to have a color change thing let terrible parents know the kid peed? Also, what kind of parent needs a text alert that their kid is wet? Isn’t the crying supposed to clue them in?

    I’m going to go for a run. This is the kind of crap that is ruining the planet and now, my day. Thanks a lot, Portugal.

    • In defense of parents, the line that changes color is great. When they’re newborns, the amount of urine is so small that you often can’t tell the kid has peed without gettin’ in there and checking. And they don’t always cry when they need to be changed. Facetaquito never did.

      • Word. 10 wk old Baby Feelgood uses the color change and they are rad (we also use the reusable cloth diapers, BadIdea, but holy shit they suck and are huge.)

    • The market is semi-moving away from that stuff. Ish. There’s a big movement for G-diapers and the like, which are kind of cloth/disposable hybrids. Also, lots of moms are worrying about putting all those chemicals near their baby’s bums. Fun fact: the absorbant stuff in diapers is the same stuff you can buy at gardening stores to keep your planters moist.

      But also I can totally see why disposable diapers are so great, because dealing with cloth diapers requires a lot washing and disinfecting. I’m sure the amount of water wasted washing them is astronomical.

      Fun fact: I had to sit in a room and videotape moms talking about potty training once. I think it was like 15 hours worth of interviews in the end. This is what happens when you are an intern.

      • That would have been my contribution to this, so A+ neverabadidea! The water waste from washing cloth diapers is pretty big and might outweigh just throwing em out, depending (there’s a pun in there) on how biodegradable what you’re using is. Also, you’re adding more stuff into the sewage system which takes a lot of energy, whereas if you were putting that poop in the garden or something- a REAL green parent would just fertilizer their organic tomatoes with their baby’s poops- it wouldn’t need to be processed and filtered etc etc.

        I’m really no fun today, all rational comments, quit being so uptight self!

    • Well Mr. Colbert pointed out a practical solution for everyone. You’re welcome.

  2. I’ve thought about marketing stuff for children, because people pay crazy loads of money for that shit, but the problem is the recalls. One kid gets a little booboo from your product, and mommy message boards start filling up with the kind of pure, focused anger that can only come from a woman who thinks that having a baby puts her a few levels above Gwyneth Paltrow, and then the next thing you know, your product is being recalled. It’s such a risky market, you’d have to be damn sure of your product’s safety before you even think about going to market.

    What I’m trying to say is, whoever decided that a combination of liquid and electricity put right up against a baby’s junk was a sure-fire thing? I salute you.

  3. @Mom Suddenly covered in piss and shit. Plz RT. #YOLO

  4. If you don’t like this you’re REALLY not going to like their followup product “TweetCum” that husbands/boyfriends will soon have to take with them on business trips.

  5. This is cool. But it reminds me of the time I babysat for my little sister for seven weeks. And how my stepmom would hold lil’ Susie up in the air and sniff the diaper to check for pee. When the parents were away, I just assumed that was the right way to check for “movements,” but little did I know that the diaper has built in deodorants so that the smell is hidden. I think my stepmom knew this and I would see her sometimes give the diaper a huge whiff, to no avail. Finally, we learned that lil’ Susie makes an “O” face and starts giggling when she has just let loose her bowels. So thankfully, we never had to take big whiffs again of this child’s butt.

  6. Electronic sensors in diapers = supervillian origin story waiting to happen.

  7. I saw a Kurzweil doc last night and a guy had a chip and wiring surgically implanted into his arm temporarily for science or something and part of it stuck out of his arm and I was afraid it’d get snagged and all his muscles would be ripped apart.
    What was my point again? Oh yeah, NO COMPUTER CHIPS WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE.

  8. Can we just not, with the talking about babies? I know this isn’t about any of yall but I’m so done with babies right now – between throwing 2 baby showers and attending one more in the span of like a month, and the fact that I’ve been married for 7 months and I’m in my 30s so any time I don’t have a drink or mention one tiny thing about being tired everyone’s like “OMG PREGNANT!!”

    • AHHH sent too soon! Anyway, I’m just over babies. And this is a trampoline accident baby-free safe space! And it’s no one else’s business when I grow another human inside me! Also – newsflash! Babies are pretty boring. Sleeping, eating, smiling occasionally? Boring. Call me when they can have a conversation.

      • I like your style.

      • Don’t let it get to you and know you’re not alone! :) Sadly, there’s still an element of animosity towards the childfree that’s probably not going away anytime soon. Pressuring someone into parenthood (even with little throwaway jokes – that’s still pressure, guys!) is one of the most irresponsible social norms which unfortunately is still either accepted or in some cases encouraged. It’s rabidly mean and diminutive.

        Just don’t let it bother you. If it comes up, speak honestly with whatever joker you happen to be with about your decisions. Let them know that these are YOUR decisions. Be honest with them even if it’s awkward in that situation and if they’re quipping, quip ‘em back. At the very least, they might walk away with a better understanding of who you are. And maybe they won’t harass you about it as much in the future.

        But if someone uses the “selfish lifestyle” line on you, them’s be fighting words. Never tolerate that.

        • I tell people, well, I can physically have kids but I have no money, spouse, time, energy, or living space to maintain them. Then I ask them if they still think it’s a good idea.

    • ugh I am in the same boat as you

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