Reheat your coffee and gather around — I have a tragic story to tell you inspired by a video that has recently gone viral. Is it a true story? No, but maybe. You never know if the things you make up in your imagination are going to end up being true. Is the end even true, the part shown on the video? Probably not! It looks like it’s probably staged. But maybe it isn’t! You shouldn’t always think everything you see is fake, even if it probably is. That’s no way to live your life. Man oh man, please stop giving me such a hard time, I’m only trying to tell you a story! Here we go: Cheryl purchased her boyfriend, Dave, tickets to a Fresno Grizzlies baseball game for his birthday. If you are calling shenanigans on this story already, I’d like to confirm that the Fresno Grizzlies ARE a minor league baseball team, even if you have never heard of them because your knowledge of even major league baseball and baseball teams is admittedly very not-ah-so-good. Cheryl had never been as confident about a birthday gift ever before in her life. “I just know my boyfriend Dave is going to love these minor league baseball tickets,” she whispered to her mother on the phone at one point, “I just know it.” The day of the game they both got dressed in their cutest baseball game outfits and headed to the stadium. “I’m going to get a hotdog,” Dave said. “I’m going to get TWO hotdogs!” Cheryl said, giggling. “Gross,” said Dave, not even making eye contact. Disheartened, Cheryl explained that she was only trying to be cute, she’ll probably just get one hot dog or maybe even no hot dogs, maybe she’ll get nachos, but it didn’t even seem like Dave was listening. It never did anymore. Looking back on their nine month relationship, Cheryl strained to remember a time when it seemed like Dave had his whole heart in it, like she did — Did he ever want this? How did she fool herself into thinking their relationship was solid, was worth continuing? Why did he trudge on in a relationship in which he wasn’t happy? Ah, but there was no time for thoughts like this — they were at a baseball game! Her nagging mind will not distract her from the fun she intended to have. About an hour into the game, or whatever, who knows how long baseball games last or when this thing normally happens, it was time for the kiss cam. Cheryl got a knot in her stomach — did she want it to land on them, or didn’t she? She couldn’t decide and, luckily for her, she didn’t have to — The camera soon landed on directly on them. “This is how I’ll know,” she thought, leaning in for a kiss. “This is how I’ll know.”


Comments (42)
  1. We’re all still pretending this video isn’t completely fake, right? I didn’t receive my Internet Skeptic schedule this week and I’ve just been winging it.

    • Oh, I didn’t notice you’d fallen off the invite. We are still pretending it’s real until later this afternoon, when we will all get the invitation to contribute to this couple’s kickstarter to build their local improv troupe a new stage.

  2. Ugh, it is definitely time to retire the kiss cam. It just causes undue stress. Even the people who maybe WANT to kiss don’t want to kiss on a jumbotron! What if I went to the game with my brother and the kiss cam landed on us? WHAT THEN??? What if I went to the game with my husband and the kiss cam landed on us? We hate PDA! I’d flip that kiss cam the kiss bird!

    • I once went to a basketball game with my brother, and when the kiss cam started we both got very awkward and quiet and leaned VERY far away from each other.

    • That’s why I always keep at least three smoke bombs on me at all times. You just never know.

    • if the kiss cam lands on you with your brother, you just point to him and mouth (very slowly and obviously) “BROTHER…GROSS”

    • I often go to various sports games with my platonic guy pals and my COUSINS and the kiss cam is my greatest fear.

    • I once went to a taping of Craig Ferguson with my sister, who does not look very much like me, and they seated us in lesbian row. The warm-up guy (is there a more obnoxious profession?) said to our row that if the camera landed on us we should feel free to make out with each other so I just looked him dead in the eye and said “We’re related” and there was an awkward silence.

    • Whenever my friend went to White Sox games with his sister, he’d use it as a convenient excuse to either go to the restroom or buy another beer (or both, I suppose). Winning strategy.

  3. I mean, it kinda looked like he was smiling a little too much maybe? Who knows.
    I once saw a marriage proposal on the big screen and the lady was like “No way!” and threw her drink on the guy. And ran away, obviously. That was real apparently, because there was a thing in the paper about it the next day where she said she thought it was very inappropriate for him to use such a public forum for such a personal moment. This was even before viral proposal videos was a thing!
    Also, is breaking up with a guy the only time to throw a drink on someone? I’ve never gotten so mad as to throw a drink on someone, but I feel like it would be a fun thing to do.

    • I feel like the time has never been right for me to throw a drink on someone, but I’d be super excited if the opportunity came up.

    • Someone threw a drink on me once! I literally have no idea why. I was at a dance club back in my rowdy days of yore and someone ran up to me, tossed the drink in my face, and ran away.

      I was actually torn between being pissed and flattered because drinks are expensive. That’s commitment, anonymous drink thrower!

      • It was almost definitely immediately after a conversation exactly like this where her friends were like “just throw a drink on a random person!” and she was like “Yeah!” and you were lucky enough to be that random person!

        • I agree but part of me likes to believe I am like M. Bison. For him, the day lilbobbytables graced the First Avenue dance night was the most important day of his life. But for me… it was Tuesday

    • We should all make a pact to go bar hopping and at each bar, one of us gets to throw a drink at the other. We can draw names from hats before but keep it to ourselves like a Secret Santa.

    • I threw a drink at a boyfriend once, it was a mudslide. We are no longer together…not directly because I threw my drink at him but really any relationship where you have the urge to throw things at each other is probably not very solid.

    • I’ve thrown a drink at a friend who was being super gross and awful at a wedding. I also dumped a pitcher of beer on a guy who was a super creep to my friend.

  4. Oh no :(

    I have a Cheryl in my life. She’s been with her Dave for a year and a half and he is still 100% in love with his ex. He had bought a house (just him, they didn’t co-purchase) before moving in with the ex and after they broke up, he GAVE IT TO HER because he wanted her to be happy and they still talk on the phone at least once a week and he pops by to fix things around the house all the time. Now, my Cheryl is desperately in love with this Dave and thinks they’re going to get married and have babies even though he only returns like one out of 5 of her calls and never texts her and stands her up all the time and is super cold-porridge about the whole relationship even after a year and a half. She doesn’t want to hear any of it, though, they are getting married someday and that is that. For Christmas this year, like as his gift, she made him dinner and told him she is ready to say yes when he proposes to her, which was met with an awkward silence. She freaked out about that silence for like 2 days ad then decided he just wants it to be a surprise when he asks her. Geez Louise, Cheryl. You are a fun, beautiful, intelligent, sweet, talented and successful theatre actress why are you dating someone who doesn’t even really like you please move ooooonnnnnnnnn-uhhh.

    • Maybe you should take Cheryl to see this.

      And then get yourself some ice cream. You’re a good friend. You deserve it after this year and a half.

    • I know it that telling someone that their SO is The Worst is breaking a cardinal rule of Friendship, but ugh sometimes it needs to be said!

      Also, I give people a year to complain about the same issues. If, after that time, nothing has changed (be it on the part of the partner or by making changes themselves) I feel perfectly within my rights to say “Sorry, but I literally cannot listen to this again without setting myself on fire” and refusing to discuss it again. I might be a bad friend, but on the other hand, listening to the same problems over and over and over again for a year is ugh. DUMP THEM IF NOTING ELSE WILL HELP. I DO NOT BELIEVE THEY ARE THAT GREAT IN FACT I AM PRETTY SURE HE OR SHE IS KELLY CLARKSON’S LATEST EVIL EX. RUUUN.

      • The whole “1 year to complain about the same issues” is seriously true and smart advice. Especially because if I were complaining about the same thing for a year, I would want someone to punch me in the face and tell me to change my life.

      • I am literally having this conversation with someone right now. It’s the worst, but it needs to happen.

      • Thing is, she doesn’t complain about it. She floats around on a cloud like she is living in a Disney movie. Like “Oh, Dave was supposed to pick me up from work but didn’t show up. I hope he’s OK as I haven’t heard from him in a week LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA”

    • Oh honey…. :(

  5. He just really ticked her off because she knew she could of picked up any boy that came into that game.

  6. I liked the part at the end where the orange, fuzzy, non-grizzly mascot gave her a high five. I don’t care if it’s all fake.

  7. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is fake. Did you see the way that guy held his hands? The way he whipped his head around? He is very obviously of the wrong persuasion, and therefore, must be an actor in this whole ruse. And at the end it was beyond obvious that Cheryl was banging the mascot the whole time, because he was like “I’ll see you later tonight baby. That was funny what you two did. I didn’t think you and my gay brother would pull it off. But you did! You are getting lucky tonight!” And then he went back to cheer on his team, and she went home and waited patiently (because baseball games sometimes go on for hours upon hours). Sigh. Internet…

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