It’s a hard time to be a teen in high school. I know that. Not from experience, as I graduated from high school in 2005, which was before YouTube existed (pretty much) (let’s not split hairs) and when Facebook was only for students with a college email. Can you imagine?!? For most of high school I had a cell phone that I only turned on WHEN I NEEDED TO CALL SOMEONE. What? That might have only been my weird thing, now that I’m thinking about it. Other people might have left them on at all times so other people might have been able to get in touch with them, but suffice to say it was a much different time. Back then when people asked people to prom, it was between the person and the other person. “Will you go to prom with me?” he or she would ask over AIM. “Okay,” he or see might say back. Or maybe they wouldn’t respond! And if they didn’t respond you’d both just pretend it never happened and go to prom with some other idiot. But today it isn’t so easy. Today you have to deal with a crowd of youths in the cafeteria and some dork popping out from under a table, while on top of which another dork pretends to give birth, to ask you to prom for a video that will end up on blogs and follow you around forever. “I can’t say no,” you’re probably thinking. “I’ll look terrible in front of everyone. Literally so many people. Plus the whole thing is so random, so idk.” But I want you to know that that is INCORRECT! YOU CAN, AND POSSIBLY SHOULD, SAY NO! DO NOT LET STUNTS HARD-SELL YOU INTO GOING TO PROM WITH AN INTERNET-ATTENTION-SEEKING DORK, YOUNG LADIES! PLLEEEEEZZEEEEEEEEE!

Oh, girl. Oh, boy. (Via ViralViral.)

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Comments (23)
  1. Oh yeah, I am going to go ahead and say no to this right now.

    • Does, uh… does that mean you’re free for prom? Because if so, my entire dance class and your favourite local celebrity and this dog in a hat and I have something we’d like to ask you real quick, if I can just get this camera to turn on, won’t be a second…

  2. Sideshow Bob’s daughter is one lucky girl.

    • I honestly love her hair.

      However, I feel bad for the kid sitting behind her in class… unless that kid doesn’t care about what is on the blackboard. They should care, though, as learning is important.

  3. This proposal is a bit labored.

  4. When will we, as a society, see the light and just cancel all proms forever?

  5. I also graduated in 2005 and I can’t log into Stereogum where I’d normally share this, so awkward prom story time?

    September, Senior year. The principal dropped in at the beginning of a period to give us an inspirational pep talk about the future, all that good stuff. He told us about how his daughter had introduced him to this song by Lee Ann Womack called “I Hope you Dance”, and how it really made him feel how it’s important to grab life by the horns and face it head on.

    He would drop in several times throughout the year, giving us a similar speech each time, always mentioning that song and those gosh-darn-motivational lyrics. “If you get a chance to sit it out or dance/ I hope you daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance”.

    So prom finally arrived, I went stag, yadda yadda, pleasant enough time, and then BAM. Principal got on stage and introduced the song as the official “Class of 2005 Last Dance Song”. Having watched way too many teen soaps/John Hughes movies, I took this as a dramatic camera-revolving-around-me sign, and I went up to my #1 crush and asked her to have the last dance with me. She turned me down with a grimace, and I was left standing there kinda awkwardly. Trying to remain cool, I “casually”(aka super awkwardly) asked the rest of her table “Hey, any of you other girls wanna dance then?”

    All of them looked away and left the table.

    After prom my friends went to the woods and sat in a pit and got drunk.

    Anyway, anyone else have prom bomb stories?

    • I also went to prom in 2005, but I was 22 at the time. My little brother’s best friend, who had a crush on me, got dumped the week of prom and already had the tickets so my brother asked me to go with this guy. I dug out my old prom dress from a few years earlier and smuggled in a flask and my friends helped me come up with age-appropriate pick-up lines (“Hey baby, when’s your curfew?”, “If you can get your mom’s car on Tuesday, wanna make out in my driveway?”, etc) and I had SUCH a good time!

    • My prom was okay, except that my boyfriend at the time was being pissy because the shoes he had to borrow from his brother didn’t look good and he didn’t think would work on the dance floor (he was captain of his school’s country and western dance team) (yes, that’s a thing) (texas) (weird how that relationship didn’t work out…).
      But, once I went to homecoming with a guy who I had NO interest in just because I wanted a date and not only did his dog die that day but then I was asking what music he liked and he said, “None. I don’t listen to music.” Also I met him in marching band so that makes sense.
      Also I once went to a dance with a different guy who I was so sure was gay and now he’s married with kids. Facebook is so weird.

    • Elvis, those girls were idiots.

    • This is more of a post-prom bomb story. My prom date was sort of an arranged affair, so we hadn’t really met prior to the big dance. I decided to ask her out for realz after prom, and THAT turned out to be a disastrous date. The “highlight” of the evening was when we exited our restaurant and there was a gentleman being arrested by the cops. As we passed the cop car, the suspect proceeded to thrash violently and smash the window. It’s all good now, as she is now my work wife, and we laugh at it every time we reminisce .

    • Went to prom in 2004. It was an all-girls’ Catholic school, so needless to say I went alone. It was okay. I’m not a dance person.

  6. Has any high school ever attempted a Carrie-themed prom? Cause that would probably be the best prom.

  7. When I was in high school I was asked by a friend (let’s call her Girl A) who I was going to prom with. I said I was planning on asking Girl E (Girl A’s best friend) but she said that Girl E was probably going with someone else and then it came up that Girl A’s date was maybe not going to work out. Being the awkward teenage male that I was (and mostly still am but older) I responded with “Maybe we can go together as friends then if it doesn’t work out.” I specifically included the “as friends” part to illustrate that 1. I was not really interested in her romantically and 2. I am terribly awkward at delicate social situations. By the end of the day, I heard from someone else that I was going to prom with Girl A. She was somehow shocked and upset to later find out that I was really into Girl E, and I’m still convinced that she did not have a date already lined up when I was thinking about asking her.

    All I’m saying is that there are worse things than asking someone you want to go with in an embarrassing way and it’s probably just going to sound like a stupid high school story in 10 years anyway.

  8. Oh man, I didn’t have a cell in high school (class of ’06). When I finally got one I’m pretty sure I didn’t pay for texting until at least junior year of college. Getting in touch with me meant calling, which is weird cause now I hate phone calls.

    Also, my friend asked a dudefriend to prom for me and didn’t tell me for like 2 days. Really efficient.

    • Class of ’07 here. I had a cell phone. I basically had it off for the duration of my education, because well it wasn’t a smartphone. Just wanted to put that out there.

      On the notion of saying No if you don’t think you’ll have fun with that person or what-have-you, sure, say no. I mean, I asked literally every time I wanted to go to a dance, which was every dance. All the girls said yes. On two occasions, I wish they hadn’t. Because I found out at the end of the dance that they had boyfriend from the other high school or a boyfriend who doesn’t like dances, but likes the after-parties. Therefore, when the last dance was had, the girls would up and leave me behind, not even inviting me to the get-together afterward. The other occasions, though, were spectacularly fun. I do love dancing. And Justin Timberlake. And karaoke. And singing “My Love” and “Cry Me a River” and dancing on stage. The more you know, I suppose.

  9. I just feel like “I want to have your giant baby” is too big a subtext when asking someone to the prom. Or “I want to BE your giant baby,” which is maybe the actual, fetishy subtext? Or “knowing you has turned me from a baby into sort of a man”? That’s better but still. Any way I run the numbers here, it’s too much.

  10. I skipped through most of it, and am still in great need of those memory-erasing pens from MIB.

    • In the spirit of AD’s new season coming out, swap out those memory-erasing pens for Forget Me Nows. Gob, I’m sure, has plenty in his jacket pockets.

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