Thank you for choosing the Baby’s Guide to Water Skiing™ as your choice in either teaching your baby how to water ski, or learning how to water ski yourself (if you are a baby). Seeing as how you’ve chosen the best guide on the market, I can already tell you’re great at making decisions that lead directly to the welfare of you baby or yourself (if you are a baby)! Ha-ha, no, but seriously, we have a lot of important things to get through before getting your baby or yourself (if you are a baby) out there on the water, so let’s get started! First off, do you, or does your baby, know how to swim? If you voiced a response please be aware that I cannot hear it, as you are listening to a tape, and will have to move on under the impression that the answer was “yes.” Fantastic! Have your — or your baby’s — fontanelles closed? Again, I cannot hear you but imagine your response is most likely “only the sphenoidal and posterior fontanelles have closed,” and I imagine that you are alarmed at the question. Well, don’t worry! It doesn’t even matter if your baby’s whole body is built out of a soft spot, because do you have a tiny lifejacket? THEN THROW THAT THING ON SOME SKIS AND LET’S GET MOVING!

BAAAABBBYYYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The baby’s mom did leave a note on YouTube, explaining: “Please note: he is not actually behind a boat he is just being pulled along the shoreline.” So whatever. CALL ME WHEN YOUR BABY DOES SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE AND VERY DANGEROUS THAT MAKES ME SUPER NERVOUS, NOT THAT I HAVE ANY RIGHT TO JUDGE, EXCEPT, WELL, NO, I DO, I DO FEEL LIKE I CAN JUDGE AND I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR BABY OFF THE WATER SKIS! EVEN THOUGH IT IS VERY CUTE! I WILL ADMIT THAT IT IS VERY CUTE! CALL ME THEN! (Via Hypervocal.)

Comments (6)
  1. His name is Ryder. It was really only a matter of time.

  2. Finding out there was no boat was kind of a Keanu “it was full of cans” moment for me.

  3. Looks like these cute baby videos are about to jump the shark.

  4. This video is the perfect blend of Penny’s joke about stage moms, college funds and the need to buy an ATV that was featured on last Friday’s episode of Happy Endings.

    #savehappyendings

  5. SOMEBODY GET THAT BABY SOME GOGGLES, JEEZ!!!!

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