I know everyone hates hearing about everyone else’s dreams. I know, I know, I know. But, you know, everyone loves talking about their own dreams. And really I feel like everyone hates hearing about everyone else’s ANYTHING, and loves talking about literally anything having to do with themselves, and we talk about that shit all the time, so can we just PLEASE BE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT OUR DREAMS FOR ONE SECOND?!? Ok. To set the scene: It was Tuesday night, April 30th, and my cable had gone out. (This is my real life nightmare, not the dream yet.) Noticing The Hunger Games was available on Netflix Instant, I decided to watch a little bit of it out of professional curiosity. I had never seen it before. I watched about 45 minutes of it, the maximum amount a not-too-young woman like myself could take, before turning it off and going to bed. That night I dreamed that Jennifer Lawrence was my best friend and we were travelling on a bus to a Hunger Games-themed bootcamp together. She was super great and very easy to get along with. At one point we drove by a billboard with her face on it and I was like, “Man, that’s so weird, how does that feel?” And she said, “Fuckin’ WEIRD, man.” Hahahaha. That is just so Jennifer. She was the best! Probably the best friend I ever had. My only wish is that I could induce a coma and sleep forever in my dream world with my best friend, Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence. We would have so many beautiful adventures together. But, so, that was pretty embarrassing! It was also embarrassing how disappointed I was when I woke up. But enough about me, WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CELEBRITY DREAM? If you don’t remember I’d suggest going to your dream journal and flipping open to the “Celebrity” tab. (This is an open dream journal post, don’t worry.) Please tell me, let’s not make this any worse than it already has been.

Comments (40)
  1. I once had a dream that Martin Lawrence and I had to team up to stop Lil’ Kim from destroying the world.

  2. I had a dream that Mindy Kaling and my other (real life) friend and I went shopping together in New York. So cool. We were three cool ladies!

  3. Also that dream about Jennifer Lawrence sounds amazing! That would be so cool!

  4. When I was about 14, I dreamt that I was married to Jewel. I still find myself drawn to women with a snaggle tooth.

    • I have a snaggle tooth! Growing up, my friends are always like, “You need to fix your face” and my mom offered to get me braces a million times, but I held out , like ” Nuh-uh, look at Jewel! She’s famous and she has a messed-up grill!” Then that b-word sold me out by getting that thing fixed, and now here I am, a 31-year old woman with a snaggle tooth because someone with the other half of that ‘Friends don’t let friends get braces’ BFF necklace didn’t keep her end of the bargain…

  5. There was probably a year long period where Sting would make random cameos. The most embarrassing one was when I referenced “Fields of Gold”, then apologized for it, because that song was sung by Bono, then remembering that no, Sting did sing that one. I remember him looking pretty annoyed at me. Sorry, Sting.

  6. Several years ago, I dreamed I got into an epic fist fight with the Olsen twins on an aircraft carrier. It was tough because I couldn’t kick them (you know, the damn sheets and all), but I’m pretty sure I was victorious, because if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be telling this story.

  7. I actually really love hearing about people’s dreams. If someone’s like, “Do you want to hear about a crazy dream I had?” I’m like “YES.”

    My favorite celebrity dream is not my own, but one my childhood best friend had when we were in middle school or so. In this dream, her mom was cheating on her dad (as played by Calvin’s dad from Calvin and Hobbes) with Scott Wolf, who was trying to kill her dad. The climax of the dream was the family (sans mom) fleeing from the murderous Scott Wolf. They were swimming away from him, and my best friend turned to look at him and she could only see his eyes and the top of his head above the water as he swam after them. I mean, take a look at his blue, blue eyes. They’re cold, murder’s eyes.

  8. I once dreamed i was at a cocktail party attended by many Very Well Dressed People so full of witty conversations and dapperness that i was feeling even more self-conscious than i usually do in social situations. I realized i was standing in a circle that included Alan Cumming (who was taller than i expected him to be), and immediately went into full dumbstruck panic when i tried to say hello so i just turned on my heels and went to hide behind the very lovely red velvet drapes, only to discover Robert Downey Jr already camped out in my spot. Then i woke up.

  9. My best celebrity dream was where Jimmy Fallon and I were a ghost hunting duo. He wore a green tweed suit! For some reason, ghosts were defeated by taking their pictures with those huge cameras in 1940s films about journalism. It was the best.

  10. Can’t remember any specifically embarrassing celeb dreams of my own, but I DO remember one my roommate had ABOUT ME with a celeb:

    She dreamed that Josh Holloway (Sawyer from LOST) was interested in me. He came to our apartment and we sat chatting in my room. Apparently, when he went in to kiss me, I got so nervous and embarrassed that I jumped out of the 3 story high window. Josh was very concerned and went down to help me and see if I was okay. Miraculously I was fine, and not cut into a million pieces. Apparently Josh Holloway was super cool about the whole thing and very comforting and told me that we could just hold hands until I was comfortable kissing him. And so we went back into the apartment and held hands and talked. FINIS.

    Now, I don’t know why my friend was dreaming this about me (she also once dreamed that I stole her boyfriend!) but now it’s a big joke between us.

    • I used to have dreams about Sawyer. Reoccurring THOSE dreams. When I worked at an old job, there was a giant mural poster of Sawyer right by my cube. Sometimes, after one of THOSE dreams, I’d get all weird around the poster — blushing and not making eye contact (WITH A POSTER) because it felt really weird to have a sex dream about a coworker who is not really your coworker but really just a poster but, still, you see him every day. It got to the point where my friend would be able to tell if I dreamed of Sawyer by how I’d move around that poster. Soon it became kind of a running joke because many ladies around the office would dream of Sawyer.

  11. One time I dreamed I rode a tandem bicycle with Taylor Swift. We also took a plane somewhere and I was all excited to tell my friends how awesome she was (I still did, upon waking). I feel like we’ve been BFFs ever since

  12. I heard somewhere that Keanu Reeves tries out for the Stratford (Ontario) (Canada) Shakespeare Festival every year and keeps getting turned down, and I’ve always said that if I meet him I will ask if it’s true because if so that is hilarious. One night I had a dream that I was at a party and he was there, and I was desperate to ask but I didn’t want to embarrass him so kept trying to get him alone so I could ask in private, and he got really sketched out by me trying to get him alone and yelled at me in front of everyone and I ran away and now I’ll never know!

    • Everything about this is hilarious.

    • Oh, I also had a dream that I was married to Daniel Craig and the Queen called and said he had to marry her cousin instead and I was like “How can you do this to meeee?” and he was like “Fatima, I don’t have a choice. It’s the Queen of England.” so I ran away and hid in a trench in the front yard and spied on him, like “oh man, pretty soon he is going to notice that I’m gone and come begging for me back and I’m going to be like TOO LITTLE TOO LATE DANIEL” but he never noticed and I sat there for weeks getting angrier and angrier eating grubs and dirt watching him have a wonderful life with the Queen’s beautiful cousin while I stewed in the ditch. I woke up suuuuper angry.

  13. The other night I had a dream that my sister and I had dinner with Kanye West. He kept interrupting us and wore designer sweatpants. Which I feel like is basically exactly how that would go in real life.

  14. Very recently I dreamt Beyonce and Jay-Z hired me to babysit their kids while they went to Cuba (which was in the news that day). I called my sister because I was in over my head and she moved into their house with me. But it was the house that my childhood friend Doug lived in — lots of wood paneling, narrow stairways and doorways, and a huge mess. The kids were super fun and we played lots of hide and seek. But suddenly the Feds burst in and started tossing the place; they all wore suits with giant shoulderpads and fedoras and carried Tommy guns like 1930s gangsters. THEN Beyonce and Jay-Z came home and were like “what the hell is going on here?” I was upset that they’d hold it against me that the Feds burst in on their kids, but they were super cool about it. It wasn’t my fault, and they saw that right away. They were awesome.

    You should have seen how well they handled the whole thing.

    • I had a weird Beyonce and Jay-Z dream recently, too! I dreamed that they decided Blue Ivy was too ugly, and sent me and Solange to Mexico to buy a replacement baby. Solange picked a little girl who was several years older than Blue Ivy and was also pale and blonde. I told her that nobody would believe that was her, but she insisted, and nobody noticed the switcheroo!

  15. Connie Britton and Kat Dennings having a pillow fight and.. um… I’ll be in my bunk.

  16. Once I dreamed that I was Mark Ruffalo’s secret transsexual lover.

  17. I have reoccurring, very lucid dreams that I’m best friends with Michelle Obama. She and Bo stop over to go for hikes or to garden, travel together on FLOTUS1 (her personal jet, duh) and meet with my mom in Sonoma County to do organic, biodynamic wine tasting. Sometimes Michelle and I just eat tea sandwiches and go dress shopping. My actual life is pretty great, but whenever I have the Michelle dreams I wake up and get really annoyed that my crappy life does not involve doing cool lady stuff with the First Lady of the United States and her pup.

    I’m actually not embarrassed by this at all. They’re great dreams, and everyone who knows about them is super jealous.

  18. i feel like i’ve been waiting my whole life to tell this tale. thanks so much for the outlet, kelly, you are a true jennifer lawrence.

    when i was 9 i had a dream that i met sinbad in a park and we were on the jungle gym together and i took his picture because i knew that nobody would ever believe that i was hanging out with sinbad. and when i woke up in the morning i was SO depressed that it never happened and i had no photographic evidence of hanging out with sinbad, and i probably still haven’t gotten over that disappointment, and i strongly believe it’s shaped me into the person i am today. and i never told anybody about it, because, really, my subconscious? is sinbad the BEST you could drum up?? especially at the height of hanson-mania?? come on.

  19. My best friend once texted me, “My mom had a sex with Chris Parnell.” (She is not very good with the grammar.) I went kind of crazy telling my boyfriend and my sister that OMG K___’S MOM AND CHRIS PARNELL HAD SEX ISN’T THAT AWESOME? and daydreaming about her mom and Chris Parnell falling in love and me spending Thanksgivings at their place, just hanging out while Chris Parnell carved the turkey. Then I actually spoke with this friend on the phone the next day and she told me that she left out a very important word in the text: her mom had a sex DREAM with Chris Parnell. A dream.

    The most embarrassing celebrity dreams I’ve had are the two separate ones where James Franco and David Foster Wallace were my very sweet, attentive boyfriends. Mostly these dreams make me wonder how unbearable I am in waking life, and then make me grateful for my totally unpretentious real life boyfriend.

  20. In a dream me and my friends were chilling with Osama Bin Laden (he was mad chill, into smoking weed and drinking and just a pretty solid bro) and we stumbled upon some conspiracy based on keeping miniature bright colored snowmen in fridges. We never got to the bottom of it, which is disappointing and I also don’t feel too proud about chilling with Osama either : (

  21. I had a very graphic and frightening sex dream about Anne Hathaway. She had… needs. As a gay man I did my best to fulfill them, but I remember grimacing the whole time.

    I was utterly confused when I woke up.

  22. Oh this is fun, I recently had a dream where Ryan Lochte hired me as his personal non-sexual small spoon sleeping partner. ack!

  23. I’m not sure if this counts as a celebrity dream, but I once dreamed that I was Harry Potter. It was pretty cool until I died on a jungle gym deathtrap and became a ghost who also had a wheelchair. Being ghost Harry Potter in a ghost wheelchair was tough, you guys.

    I was also grappling with my sad, unrequited love for Hermione after I became a ghost. I’m a straight women, so this was a really confusing dream overall.

    • I had a dream where I was Joan from Mad Men and went to a pool party but it turned into a murder mystery and these dudes were macking on me and I was into it even though I’m ostensibly a heterosexual male so I can empathize with confusing dreams

  24. I used to record my dreams on my phone right after I woke up, and then transcribe them later. They’re funnier in groggy voice. This one’s about Todd Glass, whose comedy I’ve never really even gotten into. I think I saw him on a roast once and I’ve heard his WTF. That’s it.

    “This one’s very linear. I’m in the parking lot of the strip mall on the corner of Sunset and Vermont. A truck enters with a trailer on its hitch. The trailer comes off with the ramp into the lot. I’m worried that a car on Vermont will hit the hitch, so me, a homeless person, and comedian Todd Glass all join together to pull it into the lot. The homeless guy leaves and I start to leave, when I notice Todd Glass is stealing the hitch for himself (although now it’s more like a baby carriage). I chase him down and jump on his back to get him to stop. But he keeps running, faster and faster, and now he’s like thirty feet tall and I’m worried about getting clotheslined by telephone wires, still on his back. Eventually he returns to normal size and falls down. I try to fight him, but nothing lands. I try to kick him from every angle: forward, backwards like a horse, etc., but nothing works. He says he’s experiencing the same thing—he would kick me, but apparently he can’t. I tell him I’m a fan of his comedy and propose we write together.”

  25. I had a dream a few years ago when Pavement was having their reunion tour that the drummer died and Stephen Malkmus personally stopped by my university to ask me to join the band and I was like, duh, sure.

    We went shopping together for clothes for the tour with Tina Fey for some reason and we all tried on fringed leather biker outfits and looked totally great! I was so happy to have Tina Fey and Stephen Malkmus as my new best friends!

  26. I have inappropriate dreams about Kristen Stewart. Not sure if I should classify them as ‘dreams’ or ‘nightmares’…

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