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  1. I really hated every answer to every question. Like, deep in my viscera. This isn’t the worst, but it bugged me the most: “This is a film that most Hollywood studios wouldn’t greenlight nowadays” That just made me crazy.

  2. How I picture Michael Bay when people ask about the critical response to his movies:

  3. You guys, it’s The Rock’s birthday!!!

  4. “Ebert just hates me because I called him out on how bombs drop.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sometimes I’m just glad Michael Bay is the way he is.

  5. I’m surprised a big macho man like Michael Bay would use a dainty term like vajayjay.

    • I don’t understand what he meant when he talked about returning all the sex toys. Can you rent sex toys? Gross.

      • Also, maybe it’s just me, but if there was a fake butt that everyone said felt like a real butt, I would certainly touch it. I feel like that’s a normal reaction and not bizarre at all.

        • This sounds like one of those things where Michael just wanted to come in and check it out all the time and kept calling people over to feel how realistic it is, but then tells interviewers that “everyone” was soooo obsessed with it.

        • Thank goodness Pitt and Clooney weren’t in this film. The pranks revolving around that realistic fake butt would have been OFF THE CHARTS.

      • scratch and sniff, friend

      • ok, I know people who work in movies. I’m pretty sure they didn’t actually need $75,000 in sex toys. It’s not that hard to make fake sex toys…

        I’m pretty sure the “warehouse” they were stocking was Bay’s trailer.

  6. “‘Pearl Harbor’ is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision, or originality, and although you may walk out quoting lines of dialog, it will not be because you admire them.” — Roger Ebert

    “Ebert’s opinion is invalid because he doesn’t know how armor-piercing bombs fall” — Some fucking idiot

  7. Michael Bay is mystifying to me. I guess The Rock is enjoyable enough when you’re a teenage boy, but at some point: Holy shit, this is an adult man with a dream career, and he doesn’t seem to have any interest in it. He’s not concerned with style or substance, like, AT ALL. Isn’t that shocking? Well, okay, maybe his new movie is funny; I hope so. But look: I was once sitting on the steps of a house in NJ almost 20 years ago and an old guy rambled up and told me he’d delivered a refrigerator to that house right after he got back from the war. I asked if he’d been in the Pacific or Europe and he told me he’d been at Pearl Harbor. We talked for 10 minutes, and I still remember the story he told me about that attack. It was more human and real and upsetting and fascinating and stirring than anything that Michael Bay managed to include in a 3-hour “epic” about Pearl Harbor. So what the fuck is that guy even DOING in the storytelling business? What an asshole.

    (Look at me, I got all worked up!)

    • At his best, Michael Bay can make something like The Rock, or Pain and Gain, but compared to his overall output, it seems like the combination of the right script, right actors, etc. Film making is a colaboration, so with the right people working with him, he can make a fun movie. Not necessarily great, but something worth spending some time to watch.

      BTW, his new movie works in many way because it’s a ludicrous story. He was not the right guy to make Pearl Harbor (especially with the decision to make Pearl Harbor try to ‘be’ Titanic). A melodramatic love story as part of the epic story of a serious historical event? No. But a bunch of meat heads who try to be criminals and repeatedly fail (or hilariously succeed) is increasingly ridiculous ways, partially because they believe that stupid movies are how the real world works … it was the movie Michael Bay was born to play. It’s why Airplane was great, the best people to get for parody are people that have played it straight.

  8. I like the part where Michael Bay talks about how the real life victim says the murderous torturers who tortured and tried to murder him can’t really be trusted, because someone else told him they were charming (ps- I actually don’t like that part at all!)

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