There have always been crazy people in need of medical attention. Always. Maybe one of the biggest differences between the way things are now and the way things used to be, besides the existence of medical attention, which is a big difference, is that before medical attention was invented, the go-to treatment was to fill the person’s pockets full of stones and throw them into the closest river. So people kept a really tight lid on that shit. You didn’t want to have the town fill your pockets full of stones and throw you into the river unless you were absolutely sure that you needed that kind of help with your brain worms. Nowadays, we give medicine to people who don’t even need it, so I guess the crazy people must figure that they better take advantage of YouTube while they still can, before the Mind Police come and shove their NANOBOTS down their throats. One of those people is Tila Tequila, who used to have a SHOW on TELEVISION because of her many friends on MYSPACE, just to give you a sense of how the world is constantly evolving because that was in 2007 which is NOT that long ago. And if the court would like to take my statement on why I, as a medically trained doctor jk but just a human being with eyes and ears, suggested that the hospital strap her to a gurney and not undo the straps until she was fit as a fiddle, I would point to Exhibit 69: this video she made herself and uploaded in which she spends seven and a half minutes demonstrating her incredible ability to create energy balls and electricity with her laser fingers:

During the Salem Witch Trials, innocent women were put to death simply because little girls were being assholes, so I do think that the world is a better place now, but perhaps we could take even just like two seconds more time in whatever deliberation process we have before we decide to make shows about mentally ill people finding love, and give them help BEFORE national attention, and then after they have received treatment, if we just still really want to give them a show where they find love we can have that conversation when the time comes. (Thanks for the tip, Brad.)

Comments (58)
  1. Well, at least she’s not an adult baby. Ugh.

  2. Cool! My girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, can do the same thing!

  3. Is this that hadoukening thing everyone is facebooking about?

  4. I’d also like to call everyone’s attention to the description of the video on YouTube which is, obviously, really great / terribly depressing:

    Hey Guys!

    For a long time now I have been able to do some pretty supernatural things that most would consider “SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES” I have noticed that everyday my powers are getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger. Now I know for a fact that God put me on this planet to help people remember that they too, are capable of having Super Human abilities because we were made in the likely image of God after all! You guys wouldn’t believe what other stuff I am capable of doing, but for now I just wanted to show you something pretty basic. Well, it’s not basic, but it is compared to my other abilities and I want to teach everyone else how to be able to do these things as well! These are the gifts that God gave you, and those Evil ones in power know this that’s why they don’t want you to remember! Well, too bad for them I am going to be the one to teach you how to get your GOD GIVEN SUPER HUMAN ABILITIES BACK!! So please subscribe to my channel because you DO NOT wanna miss these lessons I am about to show you.

    For this first video here it’s just an example of ONE type of “Energy Ball” that I can create out of thin air. If you look closely at my palms and in between my fingertips you will see the electricity that starts to form and change colors as I create them! Also you’ll notice that since I caused the energy levels to go so high around me, that the sparkles of purple, green, and yellow spreads throughout the room!

    This was shot using my photo booth so there is absolutely no special effects whatsoever!! More to come to stay tuned!!!

    Love,
    Miss Tila

  5. Play it without volume and it looks like a tutorial on how to build the perfect snowball or how to hold baby animals.

  6. Balls. Lol.

    • But really I don’t know what I was expecting. I suppose the “ZOMG I can’t show my face tee hee I just woke up!!” is more along the lines of what to expect from this sort of idiot.

  7. Nothing funny to say here. The pride with which she boasts that she’s producing energy “very quickly these days,” that in fact her delusions are progressing, is sad touching miserable irony.

    • In psychoanalysis school we learn a lot about how people with psychotic delusions use these hallucinatory systems as retreats from an unbearable reality or traumatic memories. The retreats can either be idealized or persecutory, or some combination of both, sometimes fluctuating back and forth from one position to the other. We’re taught to look at these visions as deeply metaphorical, in that these psychoses are created by traveling way down through deeply disorganized associational chains of memories. What could these energy balls mean? What horrible trauma or childhood fantasy, through years of psychic distortion, could she possibly be attempting to express here?

      TL;DR, dem shit yikes.

      • I would like you to psychoanalyze me, but only if you took notes like “dem shit yikes” during our sessions and then if you let me read them.

      • You have earned the title of official psychoanalyst to Videogum monsters.

        • Great, I’ll see you all 3x a week, on the couch, $80 per session. No smoking in my office.

          • I don’t know much about psychoanalysis but you should have like 4 candy dishes each with different candy and ask your patients to take a piece from whichever one they wanted. Then when they take something, you make a dramatic sound and write furiously into your little notebook. Tell them you can determine their personality or mental sickness (?) from the candy they’ve chosen, mention something casually about sociopaths and delusions of grandeur and never follow-up on their questions.
            Sorry, I just saw Hannibal last night and have to get the brain stuff out my system.

          • My patients right now are all 80+ years old so they would probably not care very much about a personality assessment.

          • 1) You just lost an $80 session with me
            and
            2) 80-year-old personality’s are cranky 60% of the time. They don’t need to hear something their grandkids’ already told them.

          • *personalities

          • I am going to pick Reece’s Pieces. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

          • Gummi bears.

  8. Guys I just want to say, I watched the whole video and I didn’t see any energy balls.

    • I have the audio going while I read comments, and I don’t know why I scroll back up when she says things like “Do you see that?” with particular enthusiasm.

  9. I was just yesterday listening to a podcast about the Glass Delusion, which I guess a lot of old-timey royalty suffered from. They would think that their bodies/parts of their bodies were made of glass and couldn’t be touched. And this one lady (I think Mad King Ludwig’s mom, although probs I should wiki this before I start spouting half-remembered historical stories) thought she swallowed a glass piano when she was a child, and so she had to be very careful when she sat or else the piano would break inside her. Their old-timey psychiatrists would cure these people by smacking the people on whatever part they thought was glass. Theory is that it’s related to the royalty’s need for space and privacy, and the fact that they were treated especially daintily. Maybe Tila’s thing is related to how she became famous for doing nothing, so she thinks her doing nothing will always produce results.

    No joking, being insane must be really, really awful.

    • Your highness needs 4ccs of bitchslap stat [mumble mumble] damn royals.

    • Also many had syphilis, which is my favorite infectious disease because when it finally matures in its life cycles YOU REALLY DO GET PARASITIC BRAIN WORMS EATING YOUR BRAIN. That’s why so many people went crazy — actual goddamn BRAIN WORMS. From boning. You want to high school kids to stay celibate? Teach them the actual science of STDs with gruesome photographs. Worked on my advanced biology class. (Also I went to high school with a bunch of jerks and uggos.)

      Anyway, now I want to read about this Glass Delusion.

    • stories like this make me think, “what type of drugs were they taking and where can i get some?”

      although, i must say, that is probably an unhealthy reaction.

  10. Wait wait wait wait Gabe! Are you saying you DON’T see the energy balls??? I think this is a case of the pot calling the kettle crazy bananas.

  11. How does she know we aren’t all capable of this?

  12. I kept waiting for one of those ebaumsworld dead faces with red eyes and a scream to flash in the center of her energy ball, revealing this for the prank it so desperately should be.

  13. That one X-Men spinoff character that no one wants to acknowledge.

    “My other special power is talking to TMZ cameramen.”

  14. Wait this is on top of her superhuman ability to be terrible?

  15. This would actually be LESS depressing if she had tried to insert some crappy iMovie plugin cgi to make it look real.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.