Sure, the animated feature 9, produced by Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch) and Tim Burton (Big Fish), has been talked about on FILM BLOGS but you know who those are for (nerds). What about the rest of us?! Why isn’t this movie on the cover of Parade magazine so that the people know?!

Seriously, though, I had seen posters and trailers and blogs about this on-line for awhile because it’s my job to see these things, but I had largely ignored them because I am bad at my job. Also, it’s a cartoon. And I’m 45 years old. And I heed the lessons of The Iron Giant. Because I actually thought The Iron Giant was kind of overrated. We don’t need to get into a big The Iron Giant debate, but that movie is for children, and I was led to believe that it was for everyone. Anyway, 9 is not for children! It looks so scary! The Apocalypse! Sack babies! Crispin Glover! It’s like The Strangers meets Delicatessen meets Batteries Not Included!

I just saw the trailer at the movie theater last night (that’s right, BALLIN’), and it is crazed on the big screen. But YouTube embeds will have to do. Two 9 trailers after the jump, you guys.

In your face, Up. (Just kidding, Up. See you next week! Literally.)

But 9. Man. Who knew? I mean, besides all the people who were paying attention and live an engaged life with the world around them, unhindered by their juvenile need to automatically reject and/or pre-emptively judge everything? Also, watch it in HD here. What is this, late 2007? YouTube BETTER DRUMLINE.

9/9/09, of course.

Comments (42)
  1. Saw the trailer for this months ago. So excited.

  2. looks great, but what’s with bekmambetov and corndog action metal?

  3. ian g  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +4

    i think it’s a good premise and all, but no matter what, i can’t seem to get into this. i hope i’ll be surprised when i go to see it.

  4. leah  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +2

    aicn.com (I know, nerd) had some clips up awhile ago and these alone gave me nightmares. What I can only think to call Baby Doll Skull Face Enveloped in Bat Wings has some very terrifying methods of capture… and also looks like a baby doll face broken into a skull and then enveloped in bat wings.

  5. Selena  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +3

    I tried talking about it, but I couldn’t find the words to do it justice when explaining it to my friends. I think all I could say was, Tim Burton, animated, Crispin Glover, crazy, looks amazing- so, they just tuned me out.

  6. I say this about every Tim Burton trailer, and I am almost always dissapointed, but screw it…I could get down with that movie.

  7. I don’t know how to feel about this movie, seeing that the short film it was based on was nominated for an oscar despite it BLOWING CHUNKS AND NOT BEING INTERESTING.
    I always thought that the short film felt like they just cut a random scene out of a much bigger movie and expected us to understand it as a standalone piece.
    It’ll probably be much better suited to fill over an hour rather than being cramped into 10 minutes.

  8. spiritual follower  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +5

    This is Shane Acker’s short film “9″ which has been expanded into the feature length film you’re premiering the trailers for. It’s almost creepier than the full-length looks. No dialogue!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IQcMeNh7Hc

  9. “The Spark of Life” is just like the Allspark in the Transformers! 1 and 2!!!!! So, I’d say it’s more like Transformers (except good) meets Terminator Salvation (except gooder) meets Star Trek meets Lost. WHEN is 09/09/09?
    Nevermind. It’s a Wednesday.

  10. It’s not working for me man. I’m going to be a douche and say that the rock at the end killed it for me. But I do think that it had to much Grrrr! Hardcore! Awesome! going for it for me to care. This looks like what would happen if you recorded Michael Bay playing with toys, added some effects, and released it as a movie

  11. I think what would be really cool is if someone could please make a post-apocalyptic film for a change of pace.

  12. Frakkin’ awesome. At least one anti-Machine Overlord movie will be good this year.

  13. Evan  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  14. zach  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +3

    Why are evil machines hunting those little talking dolls?

  15. superMeh  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 0

    wow. it’s like all the best plot devices from terminator, the matrix, transformers, and [insert Pixar movie] all rolled into one ball of “meh”.

  16. Macaroni and Cheese  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +6

    protect the future? what future? can these dolls reproduce, or do they plan on the nine of them living on the baren earth for the rest of eternity.

  17. If they make a post-apocalyptic movie that doesn’t look dipped in soot and lacks a soundtrack by Disturbed, then my interest may be sparked.

  18. hoghug  |   Posted on May 22nd, 2009 +2

    Things I do not like about this:

    1. Danny Elfman recycles the Edward Scissorhands soundtrack.
    2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEsnX4utdyQ
    3. overused olive tint

    If The Iron Giant is for children, how is this not for suburban 14 year old gamers?

    • Abby  |   Posted on May 29th, 2009 0

      Suburban 14-year-old gamers and 25-year-old gamers stuck in arrested development who LARP and shop at Hot Topic. By the end of August I predict T-shirts, buttons, hats…all that junk. I’d be so much more into this movie if I didn’t know this is EXACTLY the response it’s going to get.

  19. The very beginning of the trailer was good, when i thought that the doll thing was going to look different and creepier than everything else – but no, they all look the same.
    So why are these salad fingers dolls special? They have an unhuman greed for rusty spoons?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3iOROuTuMA

  20. people aren’t talking about this because they shouldn’t be

    lameness

  21. I am not talking about it because of the revulsion I feel toward Tim Burton and his money scrunching ways of remaking movies that have no business being remade. I’m totally going to see this though.

  22. What is it with Tim Burton and his dead humans, killing off people fetish it? He needs an intervention. Those sack dolls really creep me out they look like voo doo dolls. Sorry, Wall- E is my go to “Humans messed up everything. Now (insert non organic hero here) has to fix it” movie.

  23. CORNDOG ACTION METAL IS THE BEST PART ABOUT IT. That and Crispin Glover.

  24. This looks like Half-Life 2, but if Gordon Freeman and the other survivors were made out of burlap. Seriously, those red-eyed things look JUST LIKE something the Combine would have. I can only imagine they used Coheed and Cambria in the trailer to draw the usual Tim Burton-obsessed scenesters out of the woodwork.

  25. Chadams  |   Posted on May 24th, 2009 +1

    Best/only acceptable use of a Coheed & Cambria song ever (including the band’s own use of it in concert, putting it to CD, etc.)

    • Apparently the world is not yet ready for five album prog metal space operas with really confusing tie-in comics.

      Coheed and Cambria are just ahead of their time.

      I don’t see where all the hostility towards this comes from. The animation’s a little low-budgety, and the designs aren’t super-creative, but how does this look any worse then, say, the new Terminator movie?

      You see robots chasing voodoo dolls around and all of a sudden the pitchforks come out.

  26. this is the kind of movie I will go and see with my girlfriend (who is the coolest and smarter person in my life) and have a conversation with; and realize that books could never have the same effect. :)

  27. billwalker  |   Posted on May 27th, 2009 0

    It has been six & fifty years since I read the Apocolypse & I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac. Thomas Jefferson

  28. billwalker  |   Posted on May 27th, 2009 0

    It has been six & fifty years since I read the Apocolypse & I then considered it merely the ravings of a maniac. Thomas Jefferson

  29. kzkz  |   Posted on May 27th, 2009 0

    This movie was much better without the dialogue in Shane Acker’s version. FACT: Dumb people are dumb.

  30. Annika  |   Posted on May 28th, 2009 0

    #7 looks like a badass little burlap ninja squirrel.

  31. 1. Does Tim Burton ever make anything that’s not creepy? I realize that’s his style but literally everything he does has to be…it’s hard to explain. “Gnarled”, I guess? Like, the font is all twisty and everything is miserable and bleak.

    2. The burlap guys look like the Little Big Planet dolls, I thought this was Little Big Planet the Movie.

    3. Why can’t someone make a movie where the post-apocalyptic world isn’t all gloomy and broken?

  32. Tairy's Chocolate Orange  |   Posted on May 29th, 2009 0

    JOHN C. REILLY IS A VOICE IN THIS MOVIE.
    Maybe we’ll get some subliminal Brule’s Rules.

  33. I’d really enjoy it, if someone would take my request of making a “9″ sack doll for me.
    literaly i mean just the sack doll with sand in it,that looks exactly like 9. not a plushie or what ever. that would be the best

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