gwyneth1

It’s no mystery that Gwyneth Paltrow is a bit of a solid gold punching bag around here. Prior to the launch of her lifestyles website, Goop, she was just a pretty actress from a Hollywood Dynasty family married to a rock star, no big whoop. Who ISN’T a pretty actress from a Hollywood Dynasty family married to a rock star? But there was (and continues to be) something so galling and tone deaf about an impossibly wealthy and pampered and detached woman giving other people advice on how best to live one’s life. I guess you could make the argument that Karl Marx came from an upper-class home and it was his own privileged upbringing that allowed him to come to terms with the mechanics and underpinnings of capitalistic exploitation as well as a grasp on the written word in order to be able to produce Das Kapital in the first place, but this feels different somehow. And yet, now that Star magazine has named her “The Most Hated Celebrity In Hollywood” we actually have to take issue. Because that ain’t right. From FOX News:

Paltrow topped Star magazine’s list of the 20 Most Hated Celebrities in Hollywood. And though she may be one of the more surprising names on the list, it’s likely the gorgeous and perfectly fit 40-year-old mother has earned her fair share of haters.

Well now hold on a minute. There are a bunch of grand and definitive titles that I could see giving to Gwyneth Paltrow:

The Most Annoying Baby Namer In Hollywood
The Most Obnoxious Celebrity When It Comes To Sinks In Hollywood
The Celebrity Most Likely To Recommend Staying At A Hotel That Serves $130 Margaritas To People Who Are Not Celebrities And Who Doesn’t Even Seem To Have a Shred Of An Idea Of How That Makes Her Look In Hollywood
The Most Condescending And Arrogant Celebrity In The World Not Just Hollywood Even
The Worst Celebrity With Whom To Start A Casual Conversation About Food Or Exercise Or Jay-Z In Hollywood

Any of those honorariums and Gwynnie P shoots right up to the top of the list, and like a hard top, too. She would be #1-3 on the list, and then further down you’d see some stragglers. When it comes to being the worst, Gwyneth DOMINATES. But there’s a huge difference between being The Worst and being The Most Hated or even The Most Hateable. In a world in which Chris Brown still exists, we shouldn’t even be having this conversation. But he’s not even the only one! Showbusiness is filled with actual violent monsters who abuse their significant others and who inject liquid drugs into their buttholes. It’s a nightmare world filled with straight up for real goblins. Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow is unrelentingly annoying in her pursuit to make us all know how much her espresso machine costs and the degree to which she has lost touch (or possibly never had touch) with actual human life is shocking and a stark reminder of our own inability at times to achieve genuine and meaningful empathy. But she’s not THE WORST PERSON. She’s a dumb person. A foolish person. A person who needs a few more friends and family members who care about her to tell her “how about you DON’T do that.” But as long as there are human beings who punch other human beings in the face at the very moment that they thought they were safe and loved and who attempt to use lazy and cynical racism to deflect attention from the ravages of their drug addiction and who make a business out of making fun of mentally disabled people but don’t even have the courage to just admit that is what they are doing then I am not even sure Gwyneth Paltrow ranks.

Comments (65)
  1. “Thanks?” — Gwyneth Paltrow.

    • Luckily for Gwyneth, she would never read a magazine that costs less than fifty dollars so she doesn’t know anyway.

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  2. I’m pretty sure I read this Star magazine (cause it was on the my friends couch while we watched Wife Swap, cause I am a trash person) and I’m pretty sure Chris Brown was the least hated of the most hated celebrities, which, like, huh?!

    Also: Adam Corolla and Charlie Sheen are people on this planet and not on that list.

    • Wife Swap is hilarious, and I just found out that they actually still make new episodes of it. Unless it’s Trading Spouses that is still getting new episodes – either way more hilarity will ensue.

      And I genuinely like the parts when the kids are happy and the families actually learn something about how their extreme ways are hurting their families.

      I saw a rerun recently where one of the families did nothing but teach their kids survival because the world would end in 2012. And they had a bunch of expensive stuff because the payments were delayed until 2012, and they would never have to pay off the tv, car, etc. I would really like a follow up on how that family is doing now.

    • I really hope Mel Gibson is on that list. I hope it’s not just like Anne Hathaway and other people who are not relatable but also not going out of their way to make life worse for people.

      Also Roman Polanski. Fuck you Roman Polanski!

  3. Are we looking to nominate a new candidate? because I vote for Sean Penn. You get white savior self-involved tone deaf do-gooderism and horrifying domestic abuse in one friendly consumable. Plus he looks like he smells.

  4. if you notice, people seem to care very little about male celebrities beating their female companions, or outright murdering their wives. it’s amazing because i keep reading all these angry male rants about how women have all the power and men are the new oppressed group.

    • I think it’s interesting that a lot of feminist blogs are addressing this growing “misandry” ideology, but like, where are all these men complaining about this? Like, I so rarely encounter these people in my world, that I’m wondering WHERE they are. I’m not doubting they exist, it’s just very confusing to me!

      • i go to school in nebraska and i encounter it on a daily basis. my favorite mens right advocate is a young man in one of my classes. yesterday he wore a shirt that said “bitch go make me a sandwich.” he told me that it was from his fraternity. although i understand this is meant to be a “joke” i find it to be less than funny. this same fool said that women go to college more than men so it is harder for men to get into college. he also said that women have an easier time getting jobs than men. he is the most vocal advocate of “male rights” i have met in real life.

        • YIKES. I am so sorry!

          What I wonder about these people is how much THEY even believe what they are saying or if they are just contrarian shit heads who like pissing people off?

          I guess it’s probably a case of you wear the (shit head) mask so long it stops being a mask.

          • i also wonder the same thing, like the commentators on reddit and such, maybe they are just saying it to be funny? like in a really fucked up kind of weird way? but the people that actually say this stuff (or at least the ones i interact with in this really conservative bubble that i have spent far too much time in), they really do believe it in the end. and that is pretty damn awful.

          • Yeahh i’m of the opinion that once you start embracing the “joke” so much that you build it into your everyday conversation and wardrobe (sheeeeeesh) it’s probably not a joke anymore. It’s an acceptable way to voice their budding discovery that they do indeed hate ladies.

        • I’ve read a few cases where shirts like that have gotten fraternities barred from campuses. Of course, by him and his “brothers” wearing that shirt, you don’t even have to wait for him to open his mens’ rights mouth to know he’s probably a terrible human being with god-awful t-shirt picking out skills.

          • this campus is extremely conservative. there was this scandal a while back with axe body spray. they set up an obstacle course at one of the frats with mannequins, you had to get the girl drunk enough to take her home, then you had to be able to leave the bed without moving the mannequin so she didn’t realize you were there? this was way back when i was still a freshman. if i remember the frat had to issue an apology but nothing more was done.

            also, since the shirt didn’t have the letters of the frat it was not officially sanctioned by the frat, i asked him. him and his brothers made the shirts themselves. so they action couldn’t be taken against the frat, i already checked on this.

          • Awww, his friends got together to make that shirt. I bet somewhere Paul Ryan is smiling as he rails on his PDX90 workout and isn’t sure why.

        • I hope this dude chokes on his fleshlight in his sleep. And/Or learns a valuable lesson about his own ignorance in some way. I’ll take either one.

        • You know what? I find this strangely encouraging. Like Eric, I have never met one of these tools in real life, and always figured they were in hiding, feeling persecuted by the PC police. I am happy to know that at least some of them are dumb enough to wear their misogyny on their literal sleeves!

      • Gurl (jk), you need to get on reddit/okay cupid. But mostly reddit.

        Also, I’m sure you’re not friends or even really an acquaintance of someone as such because you’re a kind and decent human, but you’re also not a woman, therefore you will probably never get hounded at a bar for your number by a stranger for three hours and then get bitched out for saying no repeatedly because don’t you know that guy is nice??? and whatever.

        (That’s just the general “women won’t have sex with me I’m OPPRESSED” shit that gets spewed to message boards as actrs of misandry the next day. For the real wackadoo shit google Valerie Solanis and find the more “political” message boards, full of looney tunes who think she is the supreme female leader and not a wackjob. Obviously those guys are sparse, but it is really funny to read.)

        • this is perhaps my favorite example of why feminism is still necessary “when a man says no, it’s final, when a woman says no, it is time for negotiation.” the whole friend-zoned thing is such a logical example of male aggression in disguise that doesn’t seem to compute in the brains of a lot of people.

          • ahhh, found the actual quote: “when a man says no in this culture, it’s the end of the discussion. when a woman says no, it’s the beginning of a negotiation.”

        • Is reddit where these people hang out? That is really interesting because I know a lot of feminist-minded ladies who pretty much LIVE on reddit.

          And yes, totally, I am not a woman and can not understand the amount of torture that kind of bullshit is. I totally don’t want to sound like I’m denying that the amount of micro-agressive and actually aggressive bullshit you ladies go through does not exist. It does!

          I’m just more fascinated by these wacky corners of what I thought only existed in small spaces on the internet of men who feel oppressed. The nice guy phenomenon is also fascinating, but somehow not as extreme, because it’s less political, or something?

          Wait isn’t Valerie Solanis the crazy person who shot Warhol? People talk about her still? What?!

          • Wait I think I had like a triple negative in one of those sentences.

            TL;DR LADIES GOT IT ROUGH.

          • the nice guy thing is kind of extreme though? i know some “nice guys” who always end up around when a girl is fucking obliterated and somehow they are always able to have sex with her the night she blacks out. one of the fellows i am thinking of is now in law enforcement.

          • No, you’re right, it’s totally extreme. That was probably not the best word. Maybe it feels less extreme because it seems like a more commonplace phenomenon (YIKES THAT THAT IS COMMONPLACE) than assholes creating manifestos about how MEN are oppressed.

          • That’s the thing though, really is that if you really dig there are layers and layers of this stuff on the internet. I feel like most of the women who make those jokes are just as internet savvy/invested as the men their making them about so they interact more (in spaces like reddit). It’s kind of s self-feeding loop, I guess? But I feel like it’s more a symptom/extreme indicator of a larger cultural ideal (niceguyism than it’s own thing) Like misandrist ranters is to sexism as tea partiers is to Republicans?

            And yes, teh Valerie Solanis thing is obviously just a weird tiny group, but it makes me laugh because it’s SO SERIOUS like a toddler explaining a cartoon show to you intensity:

            http://antimisandry.com/feminist-misandry/scum-manifesto-valerie-solanas-fateful-day-june-40661.html#axzz2Qe6D6R2U
            http://unknownmisandry.blogspot.com/2011/07/valerie-solanas-misandric-fixation.html

            Full on laughs for days.

        • I fully support a general Videogum Everywhere mission where videogummers venture into the danker subbasements of the internet to inject a little sanity. I spent a brief period occasionally checking in on memebase and yikes. Such intelligent, enlightened and sensible comments are made here, It just seems so necessary to spread some of that sanity a bit.

          I wrote a long reasonable response to an article on popular science, where, for some reason the commentors are generally a little totally insane. A couple other commentors actually thanked me in the comments for saying something sane and worth saying. #humblebrag, #wait,actuallynothumbleatall…

        • My favorite thing is that what legitimate grievances there are are a result of the patriarchy, and are things feminists are also fighting against. (I am thinking of paternity rights here, and how mothers are favored by the courts because of the patriarchical idea that women are better caregivers)

          But, you know, women are the real enemy here.

          • Which is funny because in some countries like Saudi Arabia, kids are considered a fine blend of property and slave and custody almost always goes to the husband.

          • on average (across a range of cultures) men tend to contribute fifteen minutes of their day to work involving child rearing. perhaps this something the patriarchy has created and used to free up their time to participate in man activities?

      • I complain about this! It’s no secret that I have issues with feminism, but this mens’ rights garbage doesn’t fit into my whole “let’s all just get along and not try to one-up each other or cast blame on large portions of the population” philosophy, either.

    • I don’t have anything funny to say to this. Yeah. :(

    • Amen to this. All I have to say in addition is it’s pretty much the exact same situation with racial issues and white backlash. I know, I know…shocking revelation…just thought it’s worth pointing out.

  5. Is this a best new party game or what?

  6. Yeah I mean, Gwyneth may be extremely condescending and out of touch with reality, but she doesn’t seem to be actively vying for the title of Biggest Asshole Out There the way Chris Brown is. And man, that dude is competitive. I don’t think anyone in Hollywood is currently as dedicated to winning that contest as he is.

  7. “And though she may be one of the more surprising names on the list, it’s likely the gorgeous and perfectly fit 40-year-old mother has earned her fair share of haters.”

    What’s the opposite of a Pulitzer?

  8. Star magazine is just dumb for not knowing the difference between loving to hate and flat-out hating. I feel like hating Gwnyeth Paltrow is such a privileged and leisurely pastime that it will probably be featured in the next Goop newsletter.

  9. Kristen Stewart is #2. I hope this means that Mr. Steve Winwood will write a tersely-worded letter to the editor of Star Magazine.

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