They call it “the land of the free,” but I’m sure it doesn’t feel so much like “the land of the free” today for seven-year-old first grader Erich Henze. Henze, under the assumption that he lived in the United States of America where farts are APPRECIATED, developed and honed the skill of “body farting” — making the fart sound in different areas of the body — over, you have to figure, the past one or two years of his handful of years on Earth. Armpit fart, neck fart, leg fart, ear fart — you name it, he could skillfully fart it. Finally it came time for his first grade talent show, the one place outside of the family’s living room where a child like him could share his gift with the rest of the world. But what happened? Was he allowed to go up onstage and make fart noises, bringing joy to his classmates and teachers, breaking up the boring, lackluster routines all the other babies were surely offering? No. He wasn’t.

“Mom, sign this, ’cause I just want to do the arm fart for the talent show.” This boy is an adorable gift! LET HIM FART, YOU JERKS! (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)

Comments (23)
  1. The right to bear arm farts. #BillofRights

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  2. The mom’s right. There are so many worse things he could do for the talent show! His talent could have been conjuring up a real fart at will. Or rapping!

  3. When I was his age all that I wanted in the whole world was to body fart, but I was never able to do it. To this very day, I cannot so much as armpit fart :( :( :(

  4. Never change local news…. no matter how confusing life can be….. always stay true to who you are and what you do best.

  5. “You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.” —Louis C.K.

  6. It’s a real shame the way our schools are trying to suppress children’s fartistic expression.

  7. The mom’s hesitation after saying the phrase “people that stand behind” is perfect.

  8. Where can I donate to this cause? LET HIM FAAAARRRT!

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