We’ve been living in the era of surprising, funny commercials ever since Ginsberg joined Sterling Draper Pryce Joan and Pete and Burt. That’s not new. And I’m sure there have been some unusual products advertised with over-the-top jokes/images/whatever. Those advertisements for deodorant directed by Tim and Eric in which you could play drums on a man’s pectoral muscles, for example, was kind of nuts. Deodorant? You mean, like, for my armpits to smell a little nicer? LET US MAKE EVERYTHING SEEM COOL BECAUSE NORMAL LIFE IS A DRAG, COOL CATS. Yesterday, though, I stumbled across a “funny” ad for PEPTO BISMOL? Has something changed? Is Pepto Bismol something different than what it used to be? Or is Pepto Bismol still the thick, chalky, disgusting-flavored medicine that you take for when you have too much diarrhea and farts in your butt? In the ad, a man gets sick while he is camping in the woods, and then an imperious sounding squirrel hidden inside some kind of tree that is also a nightclub or something hands him some Pepto Bismol. YOU KNOW, FOR HIS DIARRHEA. The whole thing is very absurd and ridiculous, and it makes me think that we may finally (FINALLY) have gone a step too far. First the ad, and then more blah blah:

GUYS. Cool it. We won. We won! Remember when we were younger and the world wasn’t cool? You had to stay up all night waiting for 120 Minutes to come on so you could finally see the new Veruca Salt video or whatever? Nothing was funny or clever or interesting. PARENTS JUST DID NOT UNDERSTAND. Nowadays, everyone gets it. They play Foxygen as the bed music on FUCKING NPR FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. We did it. We hid in our bedrooms and cooked up schemes for making the world a cooler place and it worked so well that it has basically backfired. The world is literally too cool now. It’s hard for people to be cool now because everyone is cool, and if everyone’s cool that’s not cool. But when it comes to, like, diarrhea medication, honestly I just want a doctor in a clean white lab coat holding up a bottle of diarrhea medicine and saying, “This is medicine for your diarrhea. If you take it, you won’t have diarrhea anymore. I’m a real doctor.” And that’s IT. He doesn’t wink into the camera and start doing the HARLEM SHAKE. Remember eight years ago during the presidential election when they had YOUTUBE DEBATES and one of the questions was posed by A STOP-MOTION ANIMATED SNOWMAN? We need to chilllllll. We are not being chill. If we were a guy and cool stuff was a girl, SHE WOULD BREAK UP WITH US, because we were SUFFOCATING HER.

Good luck with your diarrhea, though. Feel better.

Comments (37)
  1. Speaking of ads, that blurry McDonald’s ad on the side makes me think I’m being fed subliminal messages through my comp. Probably just being paranoid, I don’t know. Anywhoo, lunchtime. Off to get a Big Mac. Later.

  2. When you’re camping in the woods, and your doo-doo’s just no good.

  3. This seems needlessly complex when “Need to-go?” would have worked just as well, or better.

  4. This would have been better if the squirrel was really sassy instead of wise and mysterious. Like, he could have just popped out of the tree holding the Pepto Bismol and said “Ya poopin’?” and then did some breakdance moves.

  5. Pepto Bismol: When the concept of leaves as toilet paper didn’t hit you until your fifth helping of smores.

  6. “Cool squirrel.” – Al Roker

  7. I didn’t watch this but based on these comments I don’t think I ever want to :(

    • It was actually not as bad as I expected. The squirrel makes reference to the man having eaten too many hot dogs, and there is a subtle gas sound effect (if “subtle” is a word you can use in this situation). That is the grossest part.

  8. I have nothing to contribute regarding that ad, but I should let everyone know this band exists.

    • the thing about this, though, is that they’re actually kinda not bad? i mean, it’s not really my cup of tea, but they basically sound exactly like FIDLAR. i could kind see, like, pitchfork or something totally loving them if they didn’t have such a horrible band name (said the drummer from bears! bears! bears!).

    • They’re not bad! Not the best of the scuzzy garage bands from Nashville’s burgeoning scene, but pretty fun live.

  9. I don’t know that I would call my diarrhea “clever,” per se, but it is IS finally getting loose and conversational.

  10. Clever squirrel. #BNPB

  11. I was in Duane Reade yesterday and this French couple was (almost literally) screaming to ask the pharmacist for help for their diarrhea. First I was like oh wow they have diarrhea but they said it all pretty like with a French accent so they must be foreign and then I though oh yeah they must be foreign because an American would whisper the shit out of that while a French person would of course be like “WHATEVER IT’S LIFE AND BIOLOGY GET OVER IT” and then I realized oh they said it in a French accent so that’s what should have clued me in to them being foreign.

    Also – great Veruca Salt reference Gabe. I lived to tape 120 minutes.

  12. Remember when I had all that diarrhea? That shit was crazy.
    (only a squirrel says it)

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