One funny joke to say (already off to a very good start) is, if it’s an occasion on which someone would buy you a gift, “Oh my god, did you get me a puppy?” And then when they deny getting you a puppy because first of all you can’t even have one in your apartment, and you don’t even want one at this point in your life, if you’re being honest, and for all the other reasons, you can say, “Oh my god, I’m so excited. Thank you so much! AHHH!” And then keep going with the funny joke until it’s very clearly not funny anymore, as if it ever was, and no one is having any fun with it at all. LOL. That’s a pretty good one! So now that we’ve gotten our funny joke portion of Petting Zoo out of the way, can we please for the love of god just get onto the video portion? WE CAN?! Great! Let’s do it!

10. Kangaroo Doesn’t Want Celery

9. Tiger Plays With Dog Friends

8. Bear Climbs Up A Tree And Chills Out

7. Kitty Kat Lickin’ The Toooooes!

6. Koala Ears

5. Sliding Monkeys

4. Rehabilitating A Little Bat

3. Baby Rhino Plays In Mud

2. Prairie Dog Likes Food

1. Kitten Also Likes Food

GOOOOOOOOD EATING JOB, BABIES! Please don’t even start trying to tell me that the sounds in the first one aren’t real, because I’m not going to hear any of that. LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU, ALL I CAN HEAR IS ADORABLE NOISE FROM A CAT. You can, though, tell me that you hope the family in the video isn’t about to feed that Prairie Dog anymore because clearly he has had enough. Baby rhino and sweet little bat are both very cute for very different reasons, and finally we have the sliding monkeys which are just the coolest and oh my god if I don’t get to play with something like one of those some day I am just going to DIE. Congrats, guys! Congrats, us! Good job this week!

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Comments (37)
  1. So my cat’s are very interested in our food, usually to the point of annoyance, so this morning I held out a banana (not peeled yet!!) for Leela to sniff. She totally went all “kangaroo freaking out about celery” on me. I spend too much time with my cats, guys.

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  2. Growing up in Mexico my parents always had tons of animals. My parents were workaholics so most of the time I was alone with them after school, unless my grandmother was home. I used to feed chicken heads to our eagles and falcon and regular animal feed to out other animals. Anyways, to this day I have weird anxiety dreams were my parents buy a tiger and they expect me to care for it.

    • FALCON??!??!?!?

      • One of our neighbors called the authorities to tell them we had it. When they came to look my dad swapped it from its cage with a chicken.

        • I can’t get enough of your stories.

          • He used to tell me he caught them with a metal box, a stick and a mouse. He would wait for them to get the mouse and pull the stick. My mom would be waiting with a burlap sack to take the eagle. I believed this for most of my life until about 5 years ago when he admitted he bought them from a bird of prey dealer.

          • That’s like how my brother told me there was a small island in the Caribbean called “Usa,” and all the things labeled “Made in USA” were actually made in Usa. I would look for it on all our globes and atlases and maps, but this was around the fall of Communism, so I just assumed it was a new country and our maps were too out of date. I literally think I was in high school when it dawned on me that my brother was a liar. Then I stole his mattress and jumped on it!!!!

  3. One time my much older brother brought a squirrel home. It ate all the wiring in our refrigerator.

  4. Also, my brother once put a rubber band on one of our cocker spaniels. He later had to have it surgically removed because he grew into it and it was cutting off his circulation. He also had one of our Siberian huskies die of dehydration because he drove with it in an un-air conditioned Volkswagen beatttle.

  5. I’m going to pretend that that place with a baby tiger and a bunch of dogs and a pool for the dogs and tiger is my backyard and that the video is a window on to my back yard. I will not ask myself why I have astroturf but just enjoy the chaos that is my life. My life of pool ownership, tigers and dogs.

  6. I can’t wrap my head around why there are dogs and tigers hanging out on astroturf by a shitty swimming pool.

  7. The only time I remember crying as a kid* was when my hamster, Rosita, died. I cried for days.

    *I was a weird kid who never cried, not even when I slashed my leg with a broken soda bottle.

  8. One time I caught something that looked like an aye aye or some thing. I put it like in a bucket where it hung by its tail to a stick, like a possum. It escaped after a couple of days. To this day I don’t know exactly what kind of animal it was.

  9. I keep reading the first line of the last paragraph as “GOOD JOB EATING BABIES!” and thinking, ‘Wait, what?’

  10. I had a turtle that I painted with nail polish for some reason. It went missing for like 2 years, only to reappear in our front garden. I think it lived in our septic tank.

  11. Cow tongue soup is delicious. Cow brains is gross. Iguana is bland. Rabbit tastes like stiff chicken. Alligator is sooogoood.gif Frog legs are gross. Crickets are surprisingly okay. Snake is meh.

  12. My uncle had a pet monkey and a pet dog. The monkey used to love to make the dog angry by poking his dog butt hole. One day the dog was waiting for him and it caught it by the neck. It attacked it so violently that the monkey was decapitated.

  13. I like animals and animal stories, is what I’m trying to say.

  14. Bats are cute, until they’re older and turn into flying rabies factories.

  15. I am about a hundred years too late, but is nobody else worried about how that baby tiger had a nasty limp and seemed drugged/unhappy getting harassed by those yippy dogs??

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