I don’t know who Ryan Cabrera is (and a quick google search confirmed that he is not the same person as Chris Carrabba), but his description at the top of this article is: “The spiky-haired singer, who once romanced Ashlee Simpson on her MTV reality show and later Audrina Patridge on “The Hills.” Hahahah. Ryan, YOU DOG! The joke really is on me, though, because I absolutely watched both of those shows and somehow didn’t retain the identities all of the spiky-haired boyfriends. A real waste of time, apparently. I’m glad I know about him now, though, because he has a pretty special tattoo he wants to share. From OMG! Yahoo (oh brother, Yahoo.):

While a lot of women would surely want anything of Ryan Gosling stamped on their body, Cabrera has revealed that the tattoo came about as part of a game that he and his friends call tattoo roulette.

Cabrera described it in an interview that he gave with Lance Bass [Ed Note: What? Why with Lance Bass?] on the SiriusXM Radio show “Dirty Pop” last month.

“Me and my buddy we go in [the tattoo parlor] and he chooses one thing off the wall for me, then I choose one thing for him,” Cabrera explained. “You can’t see it until after it’s done and then we unveil them at the same time.”

Cabrera’s body is also graced with a unicorn and a Care Bear from the game, which sounds … pretty terrible. At least there are a few restrictions on what one person can pick for the other.

“The only rules are that it can’t be religious and it can’t offend anybody,” Cabrera noted, adding that he selected a Hershey’s Kiss for his opponent when he was inked with Gosling’s likeness.

Goooooooooooooood game, Ryan Cabrera! “Another rule is that we can never tattoo the year of the other person’s birth on their body because the black hair dye, chest waxing, long necklaces, youthful rejection of the idea that consequences exist, and the youthful thought process that says ‘we know life is short, but what we don’t know is that life isn’t THAT short,’ are doing a good job of covering that up and we don’t want to blow it.” (Weird how they cut out such a long quote at the end!) Anyway, great Ryan Gosling tattoo, Ryan. I’m not 100% sure why that was ON THE WALL of the tattoo parlor, but I’m glad that it was. It sounds really fun. You seem like you’re doing great, and whether or not that was said with sincerity I want you to know that I do sincerely HOPE that you’re doing great. Thanks for sharing!

Comments (39)
  1. My dog plays a game where he throws his toy directly under my bed and acts as if the world is ending until I get it. That seems like a much more fun game than this tattoo game, mostly because it is.

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  2. At least it’s on the leg, so by the time people are finished judging his bad decisions regarding his hair and clothing, this will just be par for the course.

  3. Ryan, just admit you’re a huge Gosling fan. No judgment!

  4. I thought it was Russell Crowe from Master and Commander at first.

  5. My extremely good memory when it comes to music is telling me Ryan Cabrera had some sort of Top 40 single in the mid 2000′s, I believe something involving the word “down.” And I am not trying to brag about having an extremely good memory when it comes to music because it has resulted in me having knowledge of a song by Ryan Cabrera. The joke is most definitely on me.

    • I posted a video for you in our conversation about Mother 3! It’s troubling!

      • Nooooooooooooo I am at work so I am not gonna watch that yet (but thanks for posting it), but oh man this is going to be like finding out Santa Claus isn’t real….and then finding out that he is also a pedophile…..

        • I mean, it’s a SMALL part of the game, but it’s just…there. Then again, the final boss in Earthbound was inspired when the creator accidentally saw a rape scene in a movie when he was a child. That guy has some issues, clearly.

  6. It’s super fun to think about how I peaked in 1998 and didn’t realize it until six years later. “Huh,” I said — and so it was accepted. This guy peaked in 2005 according to wikipedia, and still seems to think he’s cool and his best days lie ahead! He might not take the realization well at alll!!! SHHHHH, you guys! Let him find out on his own! I WANT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT’S TATTOOED ON HIS LEG!

  7. Ok, I am very vocal in my pro-stupid tattoos stance, but this is terrible even to my questionable judgement. And I have terrible judgement! Just awful!

  8. This is just some really good reporting, OMG! Yahoo: “Cabrera’s body is also graced with a unicorn and a Care Bear from the game, which sounds … pretty terrible.”

  9. I don’t really have any problems with this. It’s actually probably a better tattoo than 85% of the tattoos that people voluntarily put on their own bodies after picking them off a tattoo parlor wall.

    Good tattoos are much rarer than you’d think, I’m learning, after working with a lot of people who are really proud of some very bad tattoos.

    • I guess I think that stupid tattoos are awesome, but they should be your stupid tattoos. I am also approximately 80 million years old though, so I might just be screaming at clouds again. That happens.

      • Hmmm … I mean, in a perfect world, everyone would have very personal tattoos that they thought about for a long time and then researched good artists to faithfully render them in full splendor. However, in our real life nightmare world, I think there are a whole lot of people who either super arbitrarily pick something to put on themselves when they’re drunk, or want to commemorate their trip to the Bahamas, or let some shitty tattoo artist con them into getting scratched into their skin. The real world is the context in which I’m judging this not-so-bad.

    • “No no no don’t worry it’s SUPPOSED to be dumb and ugly!”

  10. Man, I’ve been playing this game for years. It’s a blast, but getting a little old. Oh well, once I have had all the tattoos taken off me, at least I won’t have to deal with people thinking they’re really funny and original, trying to convince me that tattoos are permanent.

  11. Is there a particular secret place where spikey-haired-boyfriend types with bad tattoos and eyeliner and lots of jewelry and an inherent inability to button up shirts all go to congregate? Because it’s hard for me to picture the everyday encounters of a dude like this where his stylistic choices are validated in normal reality. And I live in Hollywood. I feel like 99% of regular people see this dude and reflexively think ‘DOUCHE’, but he doesn’t know that (?) or care (?) obviously because he sticks with it.

    I just imagine some dark room with lots of candelabras, red velvet and cheesy faux-Victorian furniture with a bunch of these dudes laying around listening to My Chemical Romance and constantly telling each other “you look totally cool, bro” while throwing the rock-n-roll devil horns sign. You have to maintain that look to continue to hang there. This is the only explanation I can come up with.

  12. Haha I had to google this guy just because and I found this. You win this round, Perez Hilton.

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