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For all that talk of how Bravo couldn’t fit it all into one episode, it really seems like they could have fit it all into one episode. At one point, as they cut to commercial, Andy “I Drink Alone A Lot Lately” Cohen says that he has a headache. You have a headache, Andy “Sometimes Life Doesn’t Work Out The Way You (Or Anyone) Would Want It” Cohen? You do? Please, by all means, TAKE A BREAK. This show was completely unnecessary. If I wanted to spend another hour being reminded that these women all basically hate each other, but not as much as they love the attention that hating each other offers, I would have organized an hour-long pseudo-celebrity dick measuring contest in Beatrice Amblard atelier “for charity.”

There was, of course, one thing that made it all (almost) worth it.

Kelly Kill-ME-en Bensimon. This woman could give long winded, half-literate, completely incomprehensible, self-involved answers to questions about the phonebook and I would enjoy it.

You heard the lady, just shoot her. Just shoot her.

Will someone please make me an insular t-shirt that says “Cartwheels Have No Price” on it? It’s semantics, you guys. (Semantics means “great idea for a t-shirt,” right?)

Comments (15)
  1. I cannot get past the notion that these women will NEVER come to know true friendship. I know that they are insufferable monsters and everything, but it is still quite sad. To see them define each other as friends (whether only for politeness sake or not) whilst constantly talking down to each other is pitiful. The Real Six Women Insulting Each Other With Smiles on Their Faces of New York.

  2. Ahhh…. NYC (Manhattan, specifically), is the very definition of “insular”. In fact,”Manhattan” translates to “island of many hills”.

    Gabe, I think you need to start production on (insular) t-shirts that read “Cartwheels Have No Price” and, “Grass Isn’t Always Greener, No Matter How Much Fertilizer You Have” immediately.

  3. Natasha  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 +10

    I’m moving out of my apartment you guys, anyone know if its cheaper to live in negative town?

  4. I have to confess it makes my heart feel not so alone that I’m not the only one that kind of can’t avert my eyes from these, uhm? women?

    Also: wtf is a ‘Beatrice Amblard atelier’?

  5. Kenneth  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 +5

    Luann is a great mother, BUT she’s also charitable? Is that like when someone says that someone is black BUT nice. And what is with all the “memos”. I want to be in on the memos.

    And poor Alex is only smart. I think she said that because she has no idea who Alex is. “Oh, this skeleton-faced thing is part of the show too? Is she from a charitable organization? No? Cartwheels cure loneliness by the way. I should tell her that because she’s obviously lonely. No one wants a skeleton for a friend. I feel like I’m forgetting something…” (meanwhile: the twenty percent of the time she doesn’t spend with her kids they spend burning alive in their mommy’s Dodge Ram).

    I like that when Bethany calls Kelly a piece of shit, Luann says “Yeah” but in a very Countess and elegant tone.

    OH! And what does “exploring amazing people” mean? I think when Kelly says “shoot me” she really wants to be photographed. Someone should introduce her to a gun. And show her what it can do to her face. By shooting Ramona. And then shoot Kelly anyway. And then me.

  6. Kenneth  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 -2

    When Kelly says “shoot me” I’m almost certain she means “photograph me”. Someone should introduce her to a gun. And show her what it can do to her face. By shooting Ramona. Then shoot Kelly. And me.

    Luann: despite the fact that you’re a great mother (which really remains to be seen), you are SO charitable. How do you do it?

    Why did no one call her on running in street like a dumb ass? And has anyone seen her cartwheel ever? And for someone that’s with her kids 80% of the time, how come they weren’t on the show for more than one episode?

    Insular.

  7. Kelly won Most Charitable at 15, you guys, because that’s a thing.

  8. “I drive a dodge stratus”
    Glad to know she’s familiar with classic SNL sketches

  9. Gmarley  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 +3

    This isn’t me trying to be funny or something, because I’m probably not very funny, so that’s good. But I really, sincerely want to sit down with Kelly and watch Legend, starring Tom Cruise, and talk to her about it. After that, I don’t think I’d have any more questions.

  10. If I could marry a clip, this would be THE ONE. It makes me love Bethany and forgive The Countess for being The Countess. Kuhdooz, Videogum.

  11. Did anyone notice how Ramona came totally unhinged when the word “crazy” was applied to her? The truth often hurts. I hope she will take advantage of some medication other than Pinot Grigio. She truly needs professional help.

  12. SEVEN HOURS of this? That guy’s a saint.

  13. I have lived to see a time and space where the Countess actually took someone to manners school and beat them mercilessly with a ruler of knowledge and reason (its an old catholic manners school). I am not sure if Kelly just jumped so far into the bit of self hating walking atrocity that I got dizzy and confused or if the other sub-people showed…. potential. Yeah…. I said it…… potential. Its more likely the former but I never thought I would entertain such a notion before this clip.

    Also, say what you will about the host but I would take that job in a heartbeat. If someone asked me if I would sit in a room with 6 people i found to be profoundly evil and quite literally a detriment to society and all I had to do was stir up shit between them as well as make fun of them relentlessly while masking it behind “e-mails” I would jump at it. I would do it for minimum wage. I would do it for free if they gave me a little spray bottle of water to squirt them in the face with when they talked for long or said something stupid… 10 spray bottles.

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