As you already know, Jon Hamm doesn’t like everyone talking about his humongous penis, which makes sense if you think about it. Who among us can even imagine what it is like to be the first human being ever objectified for their body over their talent/intelligence/kindness/curiosity/humanity? It sounds like a real nightmare that no one else on Earth has ever experienced, and so our hearts must go out to him. The good news is that Jon Hamm now has a lot of new options for covering up his very big penis and getting everyone to pay attention to what is important: HIS ACTING. From TMZ

TMZ has learned … both companies have reached out to Hamm in the hopes of remedying the alleged problem … with FREE UNDERWEAR FOR LIFE!!! A rep for Jockey told us … “Jockey would like to offer our support for Jon Hamm in the form of a lifetime supply of Jockey underwear. ”

The Fruit of the Loom people also have a message for Jon — “We want people to be themselves. And if going Commando makes you happy, we say go for it. But in case you change your mind, we got you covered.”

I like how they put the part about FREE UNDERWEAR FOR LIFE in ALL CAPS. Because that is pretty amazing. Especially for a hugely successful Hollywood actor. That’s a savings of what? 100 dollars? How much does underwear cost? And how long do people live? If a pair of underwear is traveling from New York at 70 years a lifetime and another pair of underwear is traveling from Los Angeles at 80 years a lifetime at what point will they SEE HOW BIG JON HAMM’S PENIS IS THROUGH HIS PANTS WHEN HE IS OUT SHOPPING FOR NEW HATS?! (This will count towards your final grade.)

Comments (41)
  1. “Who among us can even imagine what it is like to be the first human being ever objectified for their body over their talent/intelligence/kindness/curiosity/humanity?”

    Claire Danes. Claire Danes among us.

  2. i’d like to exclusively offer christina hendricks a pair of FREE BANANAB0AT HAND BRAS FOR LIFE pls retweet

  3. Which company has the better advertising?

    • literally neither. what you gain in brand recognition you lose in extreme vitriol from all the people who want to see his penis. it’s biz 101.

  4. You know, I’m just gonna back out of this post slowly.

  5. No thanks, Jockey, Mr Hamm will go with Fruit of the Loom. If your underwear is not good enough for Buzz Bussinger, it’s not good enough for Hamm.

  6. I want to make a joke about logarithms, but I was absent the day they taught us that in Algebra II so it’s not going to be very good. Something about feeling the rhythm of his log? Gross, why are you forcing an English major to try to make a math joke? :(

  7. I looked at this post, and immediately thought to myself “Must resist the urge to snark…” Then Gabe wrote the following…

    “Who among us can even imagine what it is like to be the first human being ever objectified for their body over their talent/intelligence/kindness/curiosity/humanity? It sounds like a real nightmare that no one else on Earth has ever experienced, and so our hearts must go out to him.”

    Thanks Gabe! No snark needed from me.

  8. I recently had to return a pack of underwear my husband bought because it was $19.50 for 3 pairs of underwear. That is outrageously expensive! I would understand if 3 pairs of underwar were enough to actually last a full-grown human man the rest of his life, but unfortunately I don’t feel like doing laundry every 3 days or having him walk around in some crusty-ass underwear for weeks at a time.

    Long story short, I would love to have someone offer my family FREE UNDERWEAR FOR LIFE because underwear is honestly making me think too much about money!

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