In my house, eggs are a weekend thing. Most Saturdays and Sundays you can find me cooking eggs, LOL. I make a pretty good omelette. In one pan I’ll cook up some red onions, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, red pepper, and spinach, and then I will fold those into my omelette along with some cheese. The end result is a delicious, golden omelette that is not overcooked or anything. (Although, of course, it is not the traditional French omelette, with nothing inside and simply a dusting of herbs over the top. But guess what? WE DON’T LIVE IN FRANCE, DUDE.) Sometimes if I don’t feel like making an omelette I will just fry up some eggs, maybe with some cooked tomato and cilantro, and if there are any Morning Star Farms breakfast sausage patties in the freezer I will make a couple of those. Sundays, if I’ve had a reasonable week, I will also prepare two Trader Joe’s blueberry waffles, with fruit and real maple syrup. But that is a special treat, I don’t get to have that every Sunday, be realistic. Anyway, that just gives you a sense of what my relationship with eggs is like. I wanted you to see what a normal, adult human being did when they ate eggs. Can you tell how that is different from how you eat eggs? With your weird fucking egg tube on a stick cooker that you bought off the Internet? Seriously, I cannot believe that you use this thing to make eggs, but to each his/her own!

I just think it’s gross that you make eggs this way and then eat those eggs, but if it makes you happy, then I support it. All I want is for you to be happy and also eggs on the weekend and also $$$$ and also waffles if I’ve been good and also to own my own home one day! But mostly I just want you to be happy. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (57)
  1. What the hell is this madness?

    ANYWAY: I like to poach eggs for breakfast. Although I need to wrap them in saran wrap or use a little poaching helper because I am like infomercial-person levels of bad at poaching eggs unassisted.

    Also, fried egg sandwiches man. They’re the best.

    • Fried egg sandwiches are my go-to low motivation dinner. I would probably eat one every night if I lived alone but I’m pretty sure superhusband would disapprove.

    • Even with my poaching helpers I stink at poaching eggs. But they’re so damn good I keep trying.

    • Add a little white vinegar to the water.

    • A super easy way to make a perfect poached egg: wet a coffee mug, crack an egg in it, microwave it on medium with a paper towel over the top for 45 seconds or so (depends on the microwave).

    • My mom has this pan:

      Makes it super easy to poach an egg.

      Fried egg sandwiches are my hangover cure always.

    • Yes, vinegar! If you do it right it’s kind of fun to watch a poached egg come together. It looks like a little round ghost swirling in the water.

    • Best to do them one at a time in a deep skillet. Bring salted water (with splash of vinegar) to a simmer. Crack egg into a teacup while waiting. Then take a whisk and stir the water rapidly creating a vortex. While the water is still “spinning”, slowly (but not too slowly…) pour the egg into the pan. The vortex helps give the egg shape so that the whites and yolks don’t go running all over your pan. Cook in gently simmering water for 5 minutes or so. Remove with a slotted spoon, allowing all the water to fall away. Then place on top of whatever you’re gonna eat it with. If you’re cooking multiple eggs – you can “hold” them in lukewarm/room temp water until ready to eat. They’ll actually stay perfectly cooked this way for a day or two (in the fridge). You can drain the cold water and add warm water to warm the eggs back up.

      Sorry – you didn’t even really ask for the tutorial, but, chefs gonna be cheffing. Enjoy.

  2. If you aren’t putting chorizo on your omelets you are starting the day off wrong.

  3. I like to cut a piece of toast to look like a palm of a hand and then cook up five of these and make Rollie Fingers.

  4. Wow, this’ll make deep-frying my egg tubes so much easier!

  5. Oh man, I truly hate eggs. To me this video is more disturbing than Jared Leto’s earstagram.

  6. I don’t like eating eggs that look like tampons. Too literal.

    • It really does look exactly like a tampon.

    • I keep thinking it is a banana. Even though I know it is not, my mind decides OH LOOK IT MUST BE A BANANA IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE. Now I will be paranoid that instead of ordering a delightful chocolate covered banana, I will get a horrific chocolate covered egg tube

  7. Do you realize that SO MANY PEOPLE must have thought that an egg popsicle machine was a good idea in order for this to exist. Like, at least 5, which is just way too many.

  8. Bridget Jones’ mom should be selling this shit. (I’m going to imagine that everyone is going to upvote this because it’s a very good, timely joke that everyone remembers.)

  9. When I was a kid my brother used to melt cheese over a frozen pizza. He would then roll the pizza and eat it like a wrap. What I’m saying is, where’s the cooking machine for him, science?

  10. “Now porn stars can finally enjoy eggs with phallic eggs by Rollie!”

  11. I can’t eat too many eggs at once because I have an egg white intolerance. It’s not that bad, but sometimes I get a stomach ache if I eat too many. Lately, I fry up an egg (only one, no tummy aches, lol) and put it on top of a tossed salad. Frisse is a great green to use as a salad base with a fried egg. Also the Rollie looks like a masturbation toy.

  12. I’m not big on eggs, but a couple of years ago I found a hot sauce that was so tasty, I actually went out and bought eggs just so I had an excuse to use this hot sauce. It’s that good.

  13. I can’t believe videogum is promoting the competition to my invention, the Egg Cuber. It makes sure eggs don’t spread out to take up the whole plate and are stackable! Mmmm… cubes!

    (Hahaha, I wrote this comment and then googled “egg cuber” before submitting, and it turns out that is a real thing! Joke’s on me! See you in the saddest hell!)

  14. I am not a fan of most eggs- I like poached and hard-boiled, but I am a huge fan of waffles! And as far as frozen waffles go, Trader Joe’s blueberry waffles are great! I like them with their lemon curd. Delicious!

    I was pretty surprised to see this is going for $30! I think if someone were really that incompetent at making eggs, they’d just go to a restaurant or find something else for breakfast.

  15. Wait why isn’t anyone talking about how they’re saying “Clean up is a breeze!” and then just wiping around the top of the Rollie without even addressing the actual place that the eggs touched? NO! That is not clean! You have to get the egg bits out of there I do not care how non-stick it is! If you put some fucking sausage in the Rollie you need to clean the tube. CLEAN THE TUBE!

    • CLEAN THE TUBE!

    • That is my favorite part of infomercials: “Clean up is a breeze!” they say as they wipe a bacon press of with a single paper towel and put it back in the cupboard. The roaches will clean it for you!

      • You guys, IT’S PERFECT FOR THE OFFICE. Can someone please please please buy this and start making egg rolls at the office? Egg rolls. Oh man I’m going to go use that in the Leno thread.

        • Cleanup is a breeze! It’s so easy I bet even NBC would have a hard time messing it up.

        • Sure, I’ll be this guy. It’ll be a great opportunity to try out my idea for egg-and-tuna rollies, too. “Breakfast at hotspur’s cube again!” everyone will say! “Get your plates–whoops, we don’t need plates for rollies, we can eat them with our hands!”

  16. I like to make fakey chillaquilles/migas/whatever where halfway through scrambling I throw a bunch of that Trader Joe’s garlic chipotle salsa and hot sauce and cheese and the bottom 1/3 of the tortilla chip bag.

    I have a friend who works in accounting type-ish stuff in a warehouse that makes and ships some sort of benign industrial product (I forget what, like an office thing?) Anyway her boss is loopy and bought the rights to market and sell through her warehouse a baseball cap where you can put your smartphone in the bill to watch movies? She assumed the lady thought she would make a crazy commercial and market this to hipsters so they would all buy one and throw ironic parties, but no the lady would not listen to such outlandish insults because this was to be a serious product for serious businessmen to use on planes! Which I guess means maybe there really are people who think we all want this.

  17. I love when infomercials try to stretch the use of a single-use machine. “No, we swear it make other things and isn’t completely useless!” says the mini cupcake making machine that no one actually needs.

    ps- if you have that much trouble with eggs there is no way in hell you’re not getting a bunch of shell bits stuck in that machine.

  18. See I grew up eating stuff shaped like this (rice cakes mostly, some fishcakes) so I am mostly unbothered by this, though I wonder what the yolks cook up like when you just leave them like that. I did not realize I spent my childhood eating phallic rice cakes, so THANKS GUYS.

    Also, look at Mr. Fancypants over here with his real maple syrup!

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