BREAKING: A script from the upcoming season of Breaking Bad has been stolen from Bryan Cranston’s vehicle in Albuquerque, New Mexico. THIS IS NOT A TEST. Spoilers imminent. Cancel Internet service immediately. Turn off all mobile devices. Disconnect televisions and radios. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A TEST. If unable to quickly disconnect devices, please place a pillow directly over face and ears. Do not suffocate yourself. Keep calm. Keep pillow in place until September or so. THIS. IS NOT. A. TEST!!!! From KOAT:

As “Breaking Bad” comes close to wrapping its final season, court documents reveal one of the show’s top-secret scripts was stolen.

Lead actor Bryan Cranston reported someone broke his car window and took a shoulder bag which had his iPad and a copy of his “Breaking Bad” script on March 1, according to the criminal complaint.

Court documents reveal one of Cranston’s employees, Taryn Feingold, was contacted by a confidential informant. That informant detailed a local bar conversation, where a man was bragging about how he broke into a vehicle at the Sandia Crest, and had an iPad and script from the “Breaking Bad” series.

Xavier McAfee was arrested Saturday for the burglary, according to arrest records. The Bernalillo County Sheriff’s Office said the script hasn’t been recovered and the investigation is ongoing.

I REPEAT: THE SCRIPT HAS NOT BEEN RECOVERED. The information is out there. Do not go to bars. Do not overhear conversations. Quit any job you may have, if that job requires you to make copies of paper things or be around rooms in which copies of paper things are being made. This is because you do not want to run across a copy of the script, DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU?! CLOSE YOUR EYES! EVERYWHERE IS THE DANGER. (Via TMZ.)

Comments (22)
  1. You guys, the script is all over the place here in NM. Everyone’s talking about it, especially the part where Walt turns into a vampire.

  2. Someone on the subway had a copy. I could only get a quick look, but it looked like Walter gets arrested for dealing math.

  3. Even Brad Pitt is freaking out about this.

  4. I call shenanigans. There is no way anyone actually has the name Xavier McAfee

  5. I saw the script earlier today. I gotta tell you guys, the fact that Walt could see dead people all along? Mind. Blown.

    • I just realized I remembered the fake spoiler incorrectly. Walt was actually Dead the whole time and Jesse could see the dead people? I’m not sure. Anyway, The Sixth Sense was a movie I found very overrated.

  6. SPOILER ALERT you guys but I saw the script and Jr. eats breakfast!

  7. Because when you break into cars and steal things from them, the best course of action is to brag loudly about it in public places. This guy is our generation’s Keyser Soze.

  8. Found it in the photocopier. Turns out Walt is Jesse’s Tyler Durden.

  9. How has no one yet suggested that Walt is either married to Suzanne Pleshette or he’s an autistic boy? (Ask your grandparents/older siblings.)

  10. Are they sure they have the right guy? Because I saw a copy of a Breaking Bad script on Silk Road the other day, but all Jesse’s lines were crossed out in red pen and replaced with, “I love you Kelly!” and “Did everyone here know I am Kelly’s boyfriend?” and, “Hey! Other drug people around! Watch me make out with my awesome girlfriend Kelly Conaboy!”

    Just saying is all. #havingthisbylinehereisaconvenientsuspiciondeflectiontactickelly

  11. Has anybody seen Mr. Tumnus? It seems he ran off to Cair Paravel in a hurry.

  12. what Justin replied I’m taken by surprise that someone able to profit $6377 in four weeks on the computer. did you see this web page ………. BIT40. ℂom

  13. All these fake spoiler jokes everywhere are making me unwary for real spoilers.

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