christian_bale

This is a picture of Christian Bale on the set of David O’Russell’s new movie, which is set in the 1980s and involves the FBI’s “Abscam” sting operation. Sure. Great. All of those things are fine, David O’Russell makes great movies, and that sounds like a totally decent thing to make a movie about. BUT ALSO LOOK AT CHRISTIAN BALE HA HA HE IS SO GROSS LOOKING AM I RIGHT, LADIES?! You ladies are like “I WOULD kick him out of bed for eating crackers. LOL. And also for his hair and the way he dresses and looks, those are other reasons why I would kick him out of bed. Get out of my bed, Christian Bale!” I understand why we need to make actors look ugly for certain roles, I guess, because they are good at acting and not everyone is pretty, but also there are probably a million ugly actors who never get work because of our fixation on physical perfection who would be PERFECT for the role of balding comb-over schlubby whatever this is. You know? Like imagine you are an ugly actor who just loves acting and has always dreamed of being an actor, but for years and years you go to auditions and they think you have the talent but not the face/head/body for acting and then you hear that they are making a movie in which Matt Damon gained 40 pounds and thinned his hair and you’re like well OK but also and not to typecast myself but COME ON, MAN. Paul Giamatti eatin’ up all dem roles, and Christian Bale is sucking up the scraps. Poor ugly actors. They can’t get work AND they’re ugly. Meanwhile Batman over here gets home from a long day of work, takes off the wig and the outfit, sits down on his $45,000 and goes through the day’s mail, most of which is personal, hand-written pleas from the Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) asking him to please join their Pussy Posse (gross, sorry). Oh well. It’s hard out here for a shrimp (a shrimp being an ugly actor). Oh hey but big shout out to all the umbrella holders out there. We too often ignore the umbrella holders and the important work they do holding our elites’ umbrellas. Shout out. (Click through to enlarge. Image via Collider.)

Comments (14)
  1. More like Christian BALD, am I right guys?

  2. He looks like he’s playing Ashton Kutcher playing Steve Jobs in iJobs!!

  3. “Hey how’ya doin’ Frank?” – Christian, to his Umbrella Holder

  4. I could have sworn he was playing Terry Richardson.

  5. When I was in college, my roommate and I came up with a list of talk show for Christian Bale. The concepts for the shows came from rhyming words with Bale, and it included such great shows as Bale Eats Kale, All Hail Bale!, and Bale on Bales, which involved him hosting a talk show while sitting shirtless on hay bales. So if the movie thing doesn’t work out, I’ve got some options for him.

  6. Bale looks like he’s starring in a Tom Cruise biopic and they’re up to the part where he did Tropic Thunder.

  7. Is that a shirt with a BUILT-IN vest?

  8. This post is severely underestimating the percentage of ugly-man roles that go to Steve Buscemi.

  9. This is an on-set-freakout fan’s dream team. They’re goin to kill eachother.

  10. Christian Bale knows the lyrics to the Powerpuff Girls theme song. He can do no wrong.

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