Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. From The Hollywood Reporter:

The man best known as “The King of the High Wire,” Nik Wallenda, is set to traverse the Grand Canyon without a harness June 23 — and Discovery Channel will be there to capture it.

In a bid for DVR-proof water-cooler fare, the cable channel is said to have outbid rivals for the opportunity to air the nail-biting stunt as a play-by-play live event. Wallenda, 34, will be on a tightrope at 1,500 feet above the Little Colorado River, considerably higher than his 2012 tightrope walk directly over Niagara Falls at 200 feet. ABC broadcast the latter live.

I totally understand wanting to watch this. It’s live! And it will be so thrilling and exciting when he makes it! A real triumph of the human spirit and a real WIN for Nik Wallenda, “The King of the High Wire,” after what I have to imagine is many, many hours of training for what is a high risk/high reward scenario! And also he could FALL TO HIS DEATH AT ANY POINT, AND YOU WILL BE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM WATCHING IT OH MY GOODNESS, THAT IS WHERE IT FELLS APART FOR ME, AHHHHHHH, NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIK, NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I, for one, will not be watching — I have trouble enough watching previews for the local news — and will have to miss out on all of the water cooler talk. What about you? Already feeling anxious about it? Wish you could reach out to Nik and hug him and tell him no? Excited to celebrate his amazing feat? HOPEFULLY?

Comments (11)
  1. I remember watching “Man on Wire” and being extremely stressed by the whole thing, even though I knew that guy would be OK.

    Now it’s like, please, Russian teens on the Internet.

  2. Is this the same Wallenda from “The Flying Wallendas”? If so, I don’t think there is anything to worry about you guys.

    • Nope I just checked the internet. There is stuff to worry about. They don’t actually fly.

      • And (to inject a sobering note into the proceedings) his grandfather Karl Wallenda, patriarch of the family, DID fall to his death while attempting to walk a highwire between buildings in Puerto Rico. So, you know. Yikes. Maybe take up hopscotch instead, extant Wallendas.

  3. As Shoshana would say “OMG Amaze I totally can’t look.”

  4. I’m not afraid of heights in general, but I would rather watch a spider explode into a thousand spider babies than watch this.
    a) it would be less boring, and
    b) at least the spider didn’t choose to freak anybody out, it was just minding its spider business, and
    c) fuck that guy, get a real job commenting on the internet like the rest of us.

  5. Ugh, boring. Send some people in there with jet packs and paintball guns and maybe I’ll watch.

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