It is a common refrain among the elderly (17+) that we are glad the Internet wasn’t around when we were children because we can only imagine the countless embarrassing things we would have published for all the world to see that would have continued to follow us well into our adult lives, ruining our employment prospects, our relationships, and our lives. What the elderly often forget, of course, is that everything is relative, and that while we almost certainly would have done exactly what we fear we would have done, and while the current crop of idiots (read: children) are no different, publishing hundreds of thousands of hours each day of unwatchable video evidence to their own cluelessness about the way the world works, the end result is that since EVERYONE is doing it now it no longer matters, because when they are President it will be expected that everyone has a bong rips lip dub video. If anything it’s going to be HARDER to get a job if you don’t have an entire lifetime of unfortunate web history behind you because what kind of ALIEN didn’t try to vlog about pooping their pants on the bus when they were in elementary school and hit “upload” even though the video was 15 minutes long and involved their dad coming in and ruining everything? This is America! So what I am saying is OK, yeah, sure, Jorel’s rockin’ bar mitzvah invitation video might turn out to be mildly embarrassing to him as he gets older (say, 14?) but it’s also the thing that’s going to get him elected MAYOR OF THE CITY OF NEW MCDONALDS SPONSORED BY AQUAHYDRATE IN ZONE 13.

They grow up so fast, but also not, you know? (Thanks for the tip, Hamish.)

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Comments (43)
  1. he is really adorable and i would totally go to his bar mitzvah!

  2. How come the only cool videos from kids are Bar Mitzvah invitations? “Becoming a Woman” was much more traumatic for me and there was nothing cool about it.

    • did you ever have to read “are you there god, it’s me margaret?” i remember reading that in middle school (after i went through the change of life) and being completely flabbergasted by these girls who wanted to get their periods and become women. i did not enjoy that addition to my month.

      • No human has ever had the reaction to getting their first periods that the girls in that book have. Excitement? Anticipation? Happiness?? Try Dread. Try Anxiety. Try Humiliation.

        • totally…I’m pretty sure my exact words were “are you fucking kidding me?”

          • I knew exactly what to expect, and my mum stocked the bathroom with pads like, 2 years early just in case. I wasn’t surprised or scared, nor did I want to “become a woman.” I was just pissed off.
            It’s really inconvenient and I did NOT want that kind of bother and chaos in my life. I still get sort of annoyed thinking about the existence of it now.

          • Ooh, are we sharing this? Yay!

            I got mine at a World Cup soccer game with my sister and brother-in-law, and then immediately afterward they drove me to my friend’s for a sleep over! So I wasn’t even able to go to my mom about it until the day after! Toilet paper was my best friend that night.

      • At first, I thought I was pooping my pants without realizing. Then, when I figured out it was blood, I thought I was dying of cancer. Would’ve been nice to get some kind of heads-up from my mom.

        • I got the heads up from school and from mom and the whole “Let me know if you ever want to talk about anything” but I still snuck pads for 6 months before she found out and confronted me about it. I knew exactly what it was and had read Are You There God?… probably 40 times by then but it did nothing to ease my sense of shame. The patriarchy ain’t got nothing on me when it comes to period-shaming.

          • yeah, i remember the year i got my period was the year our school mandated uniforms, khakis! i was in band when i got mine. i asked the teacher if i could go to the office and he said no, so i ended up getting made fun of for the whole year for being bloody. yay! i loved middle school.

          • I still haven’t technically told my mother I got my period. I mean, 20 years later, I’m sure she’s figured it out, but I’m certainly not going to confirm it.

          • I read Are You There God… and I was a very very awkward girl with no friends and stuff so the book kinda made me feel like I was supposed to be talking about this stuff all the time with other girls and so I kept telling all the normal girls at school all about it when my period started and all these details like some book character idiot.

        • I just got home from school, and I thought I was dying or something. Also I was the first girl in my class to get it so nobody understood, or frankly knew that this was biologically programmed to happen.

        • My turn! I don’t actually remember the when and where of it, but I do remember waiting for my mom to be in her room getting showered/dressed for work or whatever so I could just talk to her through the door and say something eloquent like “Uh, I think I need you to take me to buy some maxi pads.” I had probably already stolen one of hers to get by (thankfully she wasn’t tampon only).

          There was never any serious face to face follow up on the matter. I just got to go to the drug store with her and pick my pads. Good times. It seems really weird now to have things so silently understood, but I guess sex ed and Seventeen magazine were education enough. I somehow never read “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret?” and these comments make me grateful. I was happy to be one of the last of my friends. It always seemed like a hassle, and I was right.

        • I kinda knew what was up from school, but the week after I turned 13, blammo. All I really remember is standing at the top of the stairs telling my mom, who was downstairs and saying, “well this sucks. I’m going to play mario.”

    • A new meme of “just got my period” music videos would be a.mazing. I’d settle for a Funny or Die Bar-Mitzvah-Period-Parody. LAthough a Few Bat-Mitzvah videos thrown into the mix would just be reasonable and nice as well. Are Bat-Mitzvah’s not as big a deal?

      • On a slightly more seriousgum note, and I am pandering for upvotes here, I tend to do the errands on my lunch break and am quite often the one to tread the “lady products” aisle making purchases. As a man, I must say, there is no pretty-much-medically-necessary product as expensive as these, especially if you want something decent, and I can’t think of an area where you’d want to skimp LESS. Why aren’t these products paid for or at least subsidized by health insurance? Is this a feminist talking point?

  3. Love the viral marketing they’re doing for the new Superman.

    • “Son, you will do things you will regret later. But in those cases you could always just spin the planet backwards for a do-over.”

  4. I am totally on board with this except for when the twelve-year-old points to his crotch and the camera (presumably held by a parent) ZOOMS and he says something about having chutzpah because it’s his bar mitzvah. Also, the part where he’s on the toilet with his pants down.

  5. Otherwise, though, WHAT A CUTIE! My fiance and I are white and Asian (eye roll, I know, of course) and whenever I see little mixed babies I think, “Maybe we’ll make one that looks like that.” Maybe I’ll be that mom with the wine in twenty years in my kid’s viral holographic video.

    • I’m white/Jewish and my husband is Asian (full disclosure: we do have a kid) and I have to say that Jewish half Asian kids are the most adorable. I am not biased at all.

    • My wife is Jewish and Asian (Chinese), and seeing hapa kids makes her so giddily happy. There were many exclamation points spilled on her response to me when I sent this video to her. Funnily enough, she went to private school in NYC and quite a few of her friends are Jewish / Asian. I’m white as the driven snow, so I actively feel guilty for inevitably un-hapa-ing our kids a bit through my mayflower-ass genes.

  6. Fact: watching people do embarrassing things on Facebook is one of the only reasons I still have a Facebook.

  7. It must be really frustrating to have this much built up expectation about “becoming a man” only to find out that you don’t really have any additional rights or anything until you’re at least 15 and a half.

  8. You know he plays guitar by the way he totally wears the strap the right way.

  9. This is kind of cool, I mean it’s done pretty well and everything. But it’s also kind of not cool at all? Parents, please leave your teenage children alone, stop putting them in your music videos!

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