There was a New York Times article about a scientific study recently (that I am pretty sure I’ve mentioned/linked to before but you can tell that to your lawyer when you sue me) that found that on average people get happier as they get older, with peak happiness and minimum stress arriving in your 80s. This goes contrary to the popular conception of youth being the best time of one’s life, and old age being nothing but a nightmare wasteland of disease and irrelevance. So this is good news! We are on our way to the good stuff! But, even if you are happy and so chill when you get old, there still must be encounters that one has with the world that make you feel like you need to sit down. As you do, your knees creak and your lower back spasms mildly. When you’ve gotten down to the ground your rheumy eyes water as you stare out over an unfamiliar landscape, thinking of your childhood home, and how long it has been since you felt that same level of safety and belonging. Despite the accumulation of experiences and friendships and lovers that you’ve collected over the years, all of which, for better or for worse, you cherish deeply and would not give up for all the Werther’s Originals in the world, you nevertheless have brief moments of loneliness and alienation the depths of which you never thought possible when you were younger. Eventually you get back up, dry your one gummy eye that is always tearing up even when you aren’t thinking about these things, hold a dear one’s hand, and head to an early supper, excited to recount the stories of the day. All the while this fucking iCarly remix is playing and you’re like “what is that even supposed to be? In my time we listened to something called MUSIC.”

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Comments (31)
  1. iCarly snuck in a reference to The Wire once. iCarly is absolved of all wrongdoing.

    • The fact that you know that shows that you are guilty of some wrongdoing

      • I would like to point out that I have never seen even a little bit of either iCarly OR The Wire. But I am very happy that this reference exists, just the same.

        • I have and they’re horrible. BUT when they come on, like during Thanksgiving, I watch the marathons from start to finish because a) when you’re high they seem much more entertaining and b) I can’t watch the sound of music every year anymore.

    • upto I saw the check 4 $4301, I didn’t believe …that…my mother in law was like actualey taking home money in their spare time online.. there uncle has done this 4 less than 7 months and resantly repaid the debts on their villa and purchased a great new Aston Martin DB5. we looked here,,…………..


  3. Seriously, Pogo, you made this? My love of Pogo just went down a bit, especially since the fast transitions made me feel nauseous.

  4. So far I don’t think JASH is doing such a great job…

  5. Something that recently made me feel like a total grandma was going into Claire’s. I used to go there all the time when I was a teen, and it’s pretty much exactly the same as it was then, but OH MY GOD the people shopping there are just tiny children and can you believe that any human would think it’s acceptable to spend real American dollars on an extremely flammable looking hot pink clip-on hair extension????

    • I got the same feeling when I bought Kerplunk to play with my kid. 30 minutes to set up, 2 minutes to play, and the dexterity required to get those sticks in those holes is just beyond me and also that’s what she said.

    • I had a similar experience at a Hot Topic. Back in the day I was a right and proper mall goth and then, like a year ago, I went into Hot Topic and they were selling Taylor Swift T-shirts and, like, I don’t know, Captain Planet shirts or something?

      Like, what even IS Hot Topic anymore if it’s not a shop for kids who know who Nietzsche is but have never ACTUALLY read any Nietzsche? Am I 1000 years old that I don’t even understand the CONCEPT of Hot Topic any more?

      I may have talked about this on here before, but, you guys, it was really traumatizing.

      • I met a Gypsy girl on a cruise once whose goal in life was to go to America so she could shop at a Hot Topic. Cool goal. I guess it’s for her?

      • I hate being appart of this “millennial” kind of generation, when I’m keen to attach myself to brands rather than ideals. Growing up, Hot Topic was it. That was the brand that I felt I most identified with, and it only took until I was older to realize how TERRIFYING that is. Fealty to a retailer, let alone one that doesn’t even make its own clothes, is ridiculous. Selling nostalgia stunts the growth of ideals.

    • I’m so old that I don’t even have these moments of shock and disorientation any more. I know that I’ve been deported from the land of youth and I’m never getting back in. And I accept that. I’m just happy they let me read the internet and eat good food.

  6. I saw a headline recently that said: “Why the first 1000 year old person is just 10 years younger than the first 150 year old person” and I thought wait what? That seems like super fucked up right? Like my sister is 10 years older than me. I can’t imagine sitting at her deathbed saying – if you were me you’d get 850 more years! BYE! See you EVENTUALLY. Also, on a side note, can you imagine iCarly living to be 1000? 1000 years of this?

  7. You guys, I am starting to thing Gabe just moved to LA to pitch his new TV show, Gabe Delahaye’s Off His Rocker, Too

  8. There are some things that trouble me about getting older (no joke, on my 30th birthday, we went to a restaurant and before it occurred to me NOT to say this, I was all, “wow, it’s really dark in here, I can barely read the menu…”) but I still feel like it’s pretty great to get older and move through different stages in your life.

    • It really is.

    • On my 35th birthday, I asked my friends to take me to a place that would make me happy that I’m an Old. We ended up at some terrible frat bar for 23-year-olds, but it coincided with some horrible bubble company having a big launch party for some verticle. It was like staring into my past when I was 23 and working at a tech bubble company in the very early part of 2000. I bonded with the CIO (CTO?) over the laughable life span of bubble companies. Later I used my knowledge of the developers not being that bright to figure out how to hack through all the paywalls they have ever created AND leave messages for the NYT editorial staff on how hate reads are a terrible editorial strategy in the long term.

      This being said, why is Carly branded with Apple? I don’t understand. Corporate synergy? I’m going to go shoo those kids off my lawn. Damn kids. Always on my lawn…

      • Also why is the New York Times *so bad*??? Were they always bad and I was just very young or did their editorial quality seriously dip since that paywall was established?

        • They’ve always had problems with being smug and overconfident. They are the establishment, after all, the “paper of record.” Though their web-only content occasionally enters new realms of douchiness that would have gotten shot down by any self-respecting editor with a 24-hr news cycle to mull things over.

          However, what else are you gonna read / watch / listen to for actual day-to-day news? The rest of the industry is either more dumbed-down (= almost every other newspaper, TV news), just as smug (NPR), or stuffy and slightly obtuse (McNeil-Lehrer).

          At the end of the day, I can’t hate ‘em. It’s the best we’ve got IMO.

      • I didn’t watch this specific video because I have already watch a shameful amount of iCarly in my life. But, I believe their computers are all “Pear” brand, with little stylized pears on them! So really there’s no corporate synergy at all. Unless that bitch Carly sold out since I’ve stopped watching. (Why did I watch this show? What’s wrong with me? Should I go buy a candy bar? So many questions!)

  9. Hey, that girl was in School of Rock. I love that movie.

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