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Andy Rooney’s monologue last night started out innocently enough: it’s graduation season, which is a great time of year, Andy himself didn’t graduate because he was fighting in WWII, but he once sat for several hours at a college graduation, watching over 500 kids get their diplomas…and then that’s where the underminer part of ole’ Andy kicked in. Andy finds himself wondering “who would be successful and who wouldn’t be. Who would get a good job, who would be happily married, and who wouldn’t be.” And then he introduces us to the Big Awkward Boy.
Gah, pity Big Awkward Boy’s grandparents, who sat down with popcorn for their weekly Andy only to see their dear grandson, face pixelated, displayed to the world as Andy’s idea of an almost-failure. And remind me never to celebrate a milestone in the presence of Andy Rooney.
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I gotta give Andy a big special clap. This may be his most coherent and on-topic piece in years. Not one mention of his disdain for park squirrels or his confusion over why people say “ATM machine” and “PIN number.”
And that Big Awkward Boy grew up to be Morley Safer.
I like how Andy’s attempt to be hopeful and sweet about young people is still filled with bitter digs throughout.
“I didn’t need no book learning after bayoneting Japs in the throat! You can probably tell I didn’t finish school, you smug ivory tower fucks”
“I like to look at young people and guess at the varying degrees of horrible their lives will be.”
and I also love that last line about “graduations are not what’s wrong with the world”. Yes, b/c it’s a very popular position these days to denounce graduation ceremonies as the root of all our problems. Take down that strawman, Gramps!
that was a high quality comment
Dear Andy Rooney,
Please “Network”