What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever invested a ton of time in? “MY WIFE!” -Borat, yes, but what else? A few years ago some friends and I, oh boy, I barely even want to say, but we wrote a short retelling of the movie Bottle Rocket as a French New Wave movie — none of us knew French — and then spent so much time filming it, take after take, trying to get our online translated lines perfect, but then never did anything with the footage, THANK GOD. Just a big embarrassing waste of time. That’s barely not worse than the footage of this Oreo Separator Machine. What else? You tell me something now, I’ll wait; I just told you a very stupid thing. Hmm. When I was young a made a very elaborate poster for a Spice Girls concert I was attending because a local radio station was having a poster contest, or whatever, and then they wouldn’t let anyone bring posters into the venue. I, a child, didn’t want to lose mine so I asked if the security guards would watch it and they said yes and I believed them and when I went to retrieve it it was not there. Oof. NOW IT IS YOUR TURN. Before you tell yous, though, let’s take a look at this Oreo Separator Machine (that separates the cream from the oreo cookies?) (as if that’s what ANYONE WANTS?).

“I didn’t get to see my girlfriend or my dog for hours at a time sometimes.” Hahaha. Whoa, buddy. I understand this is all more than a bit tongue-and-cheek, no doy, and the next thing he says is about a sandwich, but also GIRL, GET OUTTA THERE! Another thing about this video that’s strange (other than just the fact that it exists) is that it is made by Oreo and yet seems only to be an advertisement for a different type of cookie? Just buy those plain chocolate cookies from Trader Joes or whatever, buddy! I KNOW YOU DO! So how have you wasted time? Wrote a pretend Goosebumps book when you were very young in a journal only to have your brother steal it and make fun of you? (Via TheFrisky.)

Comments (27)
  1. I have made over 4,000 comments on http://www.videogum.com.

  2. Fake and Weiden & Kennedy.

  3. Similar to your Bottle Rocket story, a few years ago my roommates and I attempted to film a Christmas-themed parody of The Room, wherein Lisa betrays Johnny by deciding to celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas. There was a full script, but we only filmed three or four scenes because our writer-director got really annoyed with the girl who was playing both Claudette and Chris R because she was paying more attention to her phone than the scene. There was a big argument and the production halted.

    It was really a shame because we barely got any mileage out of the Johnny wig we made out of yarn; plus I was very proud of my performance as Denny in the pivotal scene where Chris R confronts him on the roof and Lisa and Claudette admonish him for dealing in Toys for Tots :(

    • Similarly, some friends and I made “The French Prince of Bel Air” which is exactly what it sounds like, if what it sounds like is a very silly Fresh Prince episode in French acted out by a bunch of 12 year old girls.

      • Due to the wonder of having two older sisters in the 80s, I got to be the extra in soooo many amazing films of the 12-year-old-girl-reboot genre. Including our sequel to The Little Mermaid where I finally grasped that “underdusee” was not a made up Disney word (a-La, but prior to, Hakuna Matata (apologies for my assumption if this is an actual word or phrase in a real, self-respecting culture…)) but indeed “Under the Sea”

  4. Oh and I guess this guy did a good job making a totally useless machine, but the filling is the best part of the OREO. What is his deal?

  5. I have an oreo separating machine too: MY MOUTH!


  6. He’s Making Oreo Separators Now

  7. I once watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in theaters.

  8. So basically this is just an oreo viral commercial? They hired some kid from Brooklyn or Portland and took him out of his home brewery for a couple hours?

  9. When I was a child, before I knew anything about alcohol, I used to pretend I had a tv cooking show where I would instruct my imaginary audience on how to make mixed drinks, using shampoo and and liquid soap and shaving cream as the ingredients and layering them carefully in dixie cups in the bathroom.

    This is the embarrassing thing I used to do that involves the least background and explanation so that’s why I told it.

  10. It’s like a Portlandia bit minus the comedic timing.

  11. ‘Step 5: do not eat this cookie, because it’s probably covered in metal filings and rat poop.”

  12. Based off of the MTV faux-boy band (to turn real-ish boy band) 2gether, a bunch of my friends and I filmed our own all-girl version of the movie. I’ve forgotten the name of our band, but I do remember that my role was V, the band’s alcoholic manager who only wore leopard print. We were, like, 12 years old at the time.

  13. A friend and I used to spend HOURS discussing what we would do if we could shrink or grow to any size we wanted, sleep on a marshmellow, swim in the bathtub, ride around on a radio controlled car, inner-tube down the melt-streams under the thawing snow…actually never mind. that was the best use of time ever and filled me with untold quantities of joy.

    We did spend about an hour setting up sticks in my backyard as “foot soldiers” though, and then spent about 5 seconds ninja-turtling them down. I remember the work/payoff retio feeling off on that one. even at the time.

  14. This is a bit like building an elaborate machine to separate chocolate and peanut butter

  15. just before I saw the paycheck that said $4195, I did not believe that my brother was like actualy taking home money parttime from there computar.. there neighbor has done this for less than 21 months and resantly paid for the loans on their mini mansion and got a great new Subaru Impreza. go to……. http://qr.net/kaGr

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