Mark Wahlberg and Diddy held a press conference yesterday to announce their new joint business venture: some water. Whoa! Congrats, boys! This is obviously incredible news to everyone in the world because we need water to survive, and what better way to not suffer from major organ failure due to dehydration than by drinking some water from your favorite stars?! From the HollywoodReporter:

“You guys thought we were going to rap today,” joked Wahlberg at the press conference. But alas, there was no rapping from either of the stars-turned-entrepreneurs. Instead, the duo explained how they both became a part of AQUAhydrate, a high performance water containing electrolytes and a higher pH level.

Wahlberg says he discovered the water while training for The Fighter, and began carrying it around with him everywhere. He ran into Combs at a fight event, and Combs asked about the water. They then began to work on a business plan for the product, and brought on Ron Burkle as an investor. Combs and Wahlberg will both oversee business strategy for the product along with CEO John Cochran, formerly President of Fiji Water.

ALAS, THERE WAS NO RAPPING. Oh to have been a fly on the wall at the fight event where Mark Wahlberg and Diddy ran into each other and Diddy asked Mark Wahlberg what kind of water he was drinking! It is so sad how some of the world’s most important and fascinating conversations are lost to the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. Diddy at least gives us a taste:

“When I tasted this water, I fell in love with this water. It was that simple,” said Combs. “I really do not like the taste of the majority of waters that are on the market. I am just looking for something that makes me feel good and tastes good.”

DIDDY REALLY DOES NOT LIKE THE TASTE OF THE MAJORITY OF WATERS THAT ARE ON THE MARKET!!!!!!

What does that even MEAN?!?!?!?! Like, I can understand if maybe there is a particular brand of water that tastes a little too iron-y or mineral-y for you, so you don’t buy that one. Sure. BUT MOST? Because here’s the thing: if you don’t like the taste of MOST OF THE BOTTLED WATERS that are on the market, it’s not like you are satisfied with tap water, or even Britta at home. I just imagine him constantly taking a sip of water and dramatically spit-taking it out before rinsing his mouth with Ciroc and then firing whoever handed him the tainted water.

In any case, problem solved. I heard Diddy was going to have his house remodeled so that all of the faucets run with AQUAHydrate. This is also important:

Wahlberg mentioned that he has hopes to also work with Combs on a film project in the near future. A reporter asked if they had plans to appear in the upcoming Entourage film together.

“We haven’t gotten the OK from Sean yet, but it’s been my baby so if they want me there, I’d be there,” said Wahlberg.

“I would love to,” said Combs. “But one of the things that’s very important to say is that we don’t abuse our relationship. Chemistry is very important in a relationship. This man inspires me to be a better person.”

OH YEA-AH! First of all, thank you to Zoe Barnes for asking the TOUGH QUESTIONS during that press conference, but also thank you to Diddy for his perfect answer. Chemistry IS very important in a relationship, which is why you don’t abuse it, because of inspiration and being a better person. Now let’s all just relax and wait to see if “we get the OK from Sean” to be there.

STAY AQUAHYDRATED OUT THERE, YOU GUYS!

Comments (49)
  1. Geez, if I held a press conference every time I released some water, I would need a press corps hanging around 24/7.

  2. Can’t wait for this designer water fad to end so we can all go back to hydrating with chocolate pudding like the pioneers did.

  3. I like that Wahlberg “discovered” this water, probably with some divining rod in the middle of the desert.

  4. I’m still waiting for some idiot celebrity to come out with Diet Water.

  5. WATERdrinkit

  6. It’s got electrolytes! It’s got what plants* crave!

    *and celebrities

  7. I’m related to the Walhbergs. Something about their grandfather was my great-something’s sibling. Apparently, their mother lived in the same three story brownstone as my grandmother, back in the days where families did that, but my grandmother’s mother forbid her from hanging out with her because she was considered trashy. Now all my extended aunts descend en masse on a regular basis to their restaurants hoping for special treatment, just a giant gaggle of screeching Irish Catholic matrons name dropping over platters of Wahlburgers. Good thing they’re preserving the class level of the family. Anyway, cool water Cuz!

  8. I bet this was Regis’s big announcement.

  9. They look so comfortable with each other in that photo. You can tell they’re really friends, guys.

  10. Hopefully it won’t be all “thick” tasting like Evian.

  11. One time when I was drunk I bought a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of smart water and I don’t know what on earth was going on in my head because I don’t smoke and I ended up throwing up the expensive water anyway. The only reason I bought the smart water was because it had a good looking bottle but that stuff doesn’t so what is the point?

  12. wow seriously AQUAhydrate

  13. Say hydrate to your mother for me.

  14. I like the fact that they are pretending to be something more than just the spokespeople (spokespersons?). The article made it pretty clear that someone else was producing it, they brought in another major investor, and they got someone else to be CEO. I’m fairly confident a man who already ran a successful company that sells bottled water is not really sitting down with Puff Daddy and Marky Mark to seriously talk about how to run another company that sells bottled water.

    • It is fun to imagine though.

      Cochran: Profits are down this quarter.

      Wahlberg: I don’t know what that means. How much can you bench?

      Combs: Wearing suits all the time has not prepared me for the business world like I thought it would.

      Cochran: Good talk, gentlemen. Much more productive than last time.

  15. we live in the best of all possible worlds

  16. “Drink this or Die”
    -P. Diddy’s Campaign idea
    –God’s idea at creation of water and dinosaur bones buried in ground 5000 years ago

  17. I’m pretty sure this product line is an abuse of chemistry

  18. Why the hell would anybody show up expecting them to rap?

  19. “I really do not like the majority of waters that are on the market right now”

    “discovered the water”

    This is really too good I’m crying with laughter into my ordinary tap water right now

  20. I read the title and immediately thought Marky mark was returning to the rap game fear diddy, but it was only water :( ((

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