I watched the Animal Planet show Too Cute for, like, two hours straight recently (you know what this show is, correct?) and realized that maybe my actual life’s calling (rather than my currently known life’s calling of putting together animal videos and celeb goofs) is writing the pointless dialogue and story lines that run over the videos Too Cute shows of puppies playing with each other. “Uh-oh, Mr. Sweetie doesn’t like when his sister shares his lunch! He’ll let it go this time, but if she ever tries it again…” “Little Bubba has been wishing for his mom to come home all day. Not even playing in the pillows can ease his longing. ‘What about drinking from this bowl of water,’ he wonders. But — ah, no. Still looking around for mom! Where is she?!” Totally so stupid and totally probably the thing I should dedicate my life to. “Looks like little Ms. Danzig (NAMING puppies, however, is very difficult) wants to see some animal videos! But where will she find them? Underneath the bed? In the closet? After the jump?”

10. Fox Likes Snickers

9. Dog Just Wants To Watch TV!

8. Cute Sleeping Cat

7. Kangaroo Fights A Toy Stuffed Hippo

6. Pug Dinner Party

5. Sea Otter Hoop Dreams

4. Adorable Seal Pup

3. Wombat Cuddling

2. Released Rehabilitated Sea Lions

1. Baby’s First Steps Interrupted By Pooping Dog

AAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Ahhhhh! Very good job, dog. Looks like somebody’s a little upset that a new baby has come home and stolen his thunder! (Again, practicing for Too Cute.) Perfect. Good job. Watching the Sea Lions get released into the wild is heartwarming, as is the wombat cuddling but that one is for a different reason. (The different reason being “only because it is insanely cute.”) (That reason goes for the seal pup, as well.) Sweet little sea otters round out the top five, making this the most Sea Baby heavy top five of all time! (Maybe!) (“Fox Likes Snickers” has been given last place in the top ten because CAN THAT FOX EVEN EAT SNICKERS? Very worrying. Very cute, but very worrying.)

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Comments (15)
  1. O my goodness the pleasant outdoor park noises in number three was worth it, didn’t even NEED the video. Remember how Spring is a thing?! I live in New York and it doesn’t feel like Spring will ever be a thing ever again.

    I want to sit in a park (preferably with a wombat) all day.

  2. Nobody’s saying it, but that wombat seems like a total cunt.

  3. That lemur seemed a little worried about the stuffed hippo getting the &%%&# beaten out of him. Poor worried lemur!

    • Yeah the dog is pretty apprehensive too.

    • In my head the kangaroos name is Karl and everyone is worried about his anger issues. The lemur’s saying things like “Karl! It’s OK. It’s not the hippo’s fault!!!” And then he starts messing with his tail which is what he always does when he’s worried about some thing.

      -member of night monster crew

  4. The dog pooping video might be the most perfect video of all time.

  5. What kind of crazy fantasy land is that kangaroo living in where a kangaroo, a couple different types of lemurs, and a dog are all just hanging out together.

  6. I too am worried about that fox, Kelly. Foxes are dogs and dogs should NOT EAT CHOCOLATE.

  7. Kelly did you see the Too Cute with the mini-pigs, hedgehogs and lop-eared bunnies? Oh my lord.

  8. I think it would have been cuter if the dog had been learning to walk and the baby pooped. Maybe not.

  9. Where do I buy one of those basketball playing otters? Do you have to buy just a regular otter and then teach them how to play basketball or do they come that way? Is that extra?

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