Why do you think Mark Wahlberg wasn’t in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek as Captain Kirk’s father, the role that eventually went to Chris Hemsworth? Because he wasn’t asked? WRONG! Because of another filming schedule overlap, or maybe something like he was under contract with a different production company or whatever Hollywood thing sometimes keeps actors from doing certain movies? WRONG! Because he was busy trying to make the Entourage movie happen? GOOD GUESS BUT NO, WRONG! He wasn’t in J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek because he JUST COULDN’T UNDERSTAND IT, OK? From Total Film, via Vulture:

“I remember [J.J. Abrams] asking me to play Captain Kirk’s father in Star Trek and I tried to read the script, but I couldn’t even– I didn’t understand the words or dialogue or anything. And I said, ‘I couldn’t do this. I think you’re really talented, but I couldn’t do it.’ And then I saw the movie and I was like, holy shit he did a great job.”

So many frown-y faces. So many smile-y faces. Unfortunately because it is the year 2013 and almost my entire life has been spent in front of a horrible computer box, that is all my brain is providing as a reaction to this story. An endless feed of both frown-ys and smile-ys and an error message: “Error 5048: Mark Wahlberg story too cute — desist functionality error report, send.” Oh man, Mark. I think I am in love with you? “Prevent 9/11 from happening if given the chance, yes, obviously, but understand Spock talking about the whos-e-beam and the holo-space? Not on my best day.” You and me both, buddy. Interview clip after the jump.

He didn’t watch space movies growing up! Give my husband a break!

Comments (18)
  1. But somehow Planet of the Apes makes sense.

    • And deadly, deadly trees. The list of things that make sense to Marky Mark vs. the things that don’t is confusing in and of itself.

  2. You have to see his performance on The Graham Norton Show. Obnoxious to Sarah Silverman during her bedwetting story, interrupting Michael Fassbender….It was like he was doing a fratboy Joaquin meltdown.

  3. I think he’s painting himself in a pretty positive light here, because if I had to guess how it went down, he likely yelled “I ain’t doin’ this nerdy-ass shit!” loud enough for the whole cafeteria to hear, then chewed up the script, stuffed it into a straw, and spit it at JJ Abrams’ face.

  4. Sean Connery turned down a role in Lord of the Rings because he didn’t understand it (and hates money, apparently), while Alec Guinness was in Star Wars despite vocally hating the stupid dialogue (but needing money, apparently).

    My point is that it’s usually much older men turning down good roles because they don’t understand. Wahlberg is dumb at a much higher level than the average actor.

  5. “If I was on the Kobayashi Maru with my kids after it struck a gravitic mine within the Neutral Zone, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of pink blood in the forward command of those Klingon battle cruisers and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to beam you somewhere safely, don’t worry.”

  6. I’m still annoyed with Mark Wahlberg’s tux at the Oscars. Someone needs to explain to Mark that you can’t drink Creatine milkshakes all day and then expect to fit into the same tuxedo you wore to the premier of Three Kings.

  7. He should try out for Forrest Gump II: The Wrath of Jenny

  8. If he doesn’t know anything about sci fi, won’t the dinners with Kate be kind of awkward? I’m no alchemist, but I’m pretty sure the love of sci fi runs pretty deep in the Conoboy blood.

  9. If you think Mark`s story is impossible…, last pay cheque my auntie’s best friend recieved a check for $7560 sitting there a fourty hour month in their apartment and the’re best friend’s mother-in-law`s neighbour has been doing this for 4 months and brought in more than $7560 part time at there pc. the steps at this site………. http://qr.net/kanu

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