So, the 2013 Academy Awards aired last night. Did you watch them? Of course you did! We all did. This is, after all, the United States of America. But it struck me this year that it might finally be time for us all to admit that the Oscars just inherently suck. Every single year, I grow increasingly bored and/or annoyed and/or frustrated and/or other human emotions within the first 15 minutes. Every single year, there are endless debates over how well the host did as if it ever actually matters. Don’t get me wrong, Seth MacFarlane was not a good host! He made very lazy jokes about Jews running Hollywood, for example. (Two seconds later a man dressed in a NAZI UNIFORM burst into the theater! LOL?) All night long, people who were trying to thank their friends and family for helping to support them as they pursued a career doing something they loved and were talented at, the music from Jaws would interrupt them, and yet the Oscars continued for 10 minutes after the final award was given out so that Seth MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth could sing some insufferable song about “losers”? (Seriously, I kind of just want to do an entire post about that. I know that Seth MacFarlane hasn’t hosted a lot of things, or even done that much live performance, but there is nothing an audience hates more after a long show than for the host to get back onstage and do another bit. And it’s doubly insane and unwatchable when some people were barely even allowed to speak. One man’s MICROPHONE WAS CUT OFF and yet this comedy song that no one wants is played in its entirety? This is called HUBRIS.) (I also do think that it is weird that the 900-year-old movie CHICAGO got more airtime last night than anyone who won an Oscar.) But OK, so he didn’t do a very good job. But who did? Billy Crystal last year? Come on, no. Even Anne Hathaway and James Franco, widely considered the worst at it, were, you know, very very bad, but like, about the same bad ultimately as anyone. And you know why? Because the Oscars just suck.

Here’s the thing: we all love the movies or whatever. And the backbone of America is built on the idea that we should all get to be rich and famous. Hollywood is a dusty, disgusting, almost impossibly depressing miasma of drug-addled, sun-bleached egos fighting each other for tiny slivers of ultimately worthless attention, and yet everyone is at least mildly blinded by the smoke and mirrors into thinking that it is still kind of glamorous. (Fun Fact: last week I passed by the street where all of the tents were being set up for the Academy Awards and I can tell you without hesitation–and I did not realize this until I drove by–that it is heled on what is easily one of the single most disgusting and depressing blocks in the entire city. I am telling you, guys, these clapboard walls are disguising actual nightmares. But OK, so we accept that regardless of the reality, we are still enamored by the myth. That’s fine! Let’s just enjoy it. Life is short.

And in many ways the Oscars do a great job of perpetuating the things that we like best. People look pretty! They sometimes even act like human beings, which makes us love them even more! The room is filled with America’s royalty, amen, God Save The Queens. What happens next, though, is that people start winning awards, and that is when it kind of falls apart. For one thing, the wrong people win a lot of the time. Or at the very least, it is certainly not the “Best” people who win. (Like, I’m sorry, but The Life of Pi will not even be remembered three years from now.) On top of that, within a very short period of time, the pomp and glamour turn into self-satisfaction and televised indulgence. America already suffers from an inferiority complex towards its stars, and now here they are seeming to tell us that we are right to believe that life is unfair, and that their blessed existence is truly charmed, unlike our own messy and unheralded, sometimes sad and definitely impoverished existence. (Some of us are at least able to recognize that this is part of the fiction, since Hollywood is almost exclusively filled with ravaged human beings whose experience of our equally brief time on this planet is anything but pleasant. And yet, we all play our role in this shared myth perfectly.)

So some host is supposed to accomodate all of that and make it entertaining? And Michelle Obama comes out and presents an award from the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE? Anne Hathaway takes the stage and quietly whispers “it came true” and while you understand that she wanted this very badly and that she worked very hard to get it and we should all be so lucky as to define our desires so clearly and to ultimately achieve them, it somehow sticks out as one of the most obnoxious things you’ve ever heard? Jennifer Lawrence falls down a couple of stairs on her way to picking up a statue for just one of the lauded movie roles she played in this, her 22nd year alive, and you genuinely might even feel bad for her for a second before you remember, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE THAT IS GOING ON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT IS ACTUALLY HARDSHIP UPON HARDSHIP, and Adele’s sound is poorly mixed, and the cast of The Avengers can NOT get their shit together, and half of the award winners have Hobbit: An Unlikely Journey haircuts, and it’s just like, can we keep doing this? Should we?

Incidentally, I have no actual solution in mind. I’m not saying they should cancel the awards, as if it would even matter if I did say that, but I’m not saying that. I’m just saying they suck so bad. Every time. FACT. See you next year to do this all over again. Obviously.

Comments (106)
  1. Ok, My friends were having a debate last night. Seth MacFarland…hairpiece? I say yes.

  2. “What if they held the Oscars and nobody came?” – Gabe Delahaye, George C. Scott

  3. How is LA? Are you making any friends?

  4. Ok so it turns out that having a drinking game where the only rule is ‘drink when someone is obnoxious’ was a poor choice

  5. “Like, I’m sorry, but The Life of Pi will not even be remembered three years from now.”

    Not stanning for Life of Pi (promise), thought ZDT was better, but it will be! Not by everyone, but by more than gddmn Argo. Or Silver Linings Playbook (because the very fine actor Bradley Cooper will have surpassed himself by then, of course). I can’t remember any of the other nominees, oh yeah right: Les Mis (nope). I liked the tiger is all.

    • Yeah, I’m sure Life of Pi is going to have a long and happy life playing constantly on OWN or whatever. Nobody is ever going to watch Silver Linings Playbook in six months.

  6. I just realised that it’s about 12 hours since this (I’m in the UK so most of that has been waking hours) and all I know about last night’s oscars is that Paperman won animated short and they cut off a guy who was about to talk about serious issues in the visual effects industry. Finally, I’ve managed to successfully avoid the hollywood back patters without even remotely trying.

    • Good for you. I had to work pretty hard actually, had to hunker down in another room with an ipad and a pair of headphones. But, it was worth it.

      My wife’s assessment was “I liked it – I don’t care what anybody says!”

    • That VFX guy should have sped up his thanking of studios and boring people if he wanted to get to talking about Rhythm and Hues going out of business. Way too little too late. He could have planned that much better. The US visual effects industry is dying because of the way the studios treat it, and all the people who got that dude an oscar for best visual effects are currently out of work. Deserved much more of a mention.

      • True story: I watched the Oscars in a sports bar because I live in Hollywood and our sports bars show the Oscars. And a guy walked in with an Oscar, put it on the bar 4 feet from me, and ordered a Guinness. Neat! Now, at first lots of people posed for photos with him. And drunks grabbed it (especially this one Brit, holy god no one drinks like Brits, what the hell is wrong with you guys, get it together Brits) to an extent that I got worried about its safety, but it all settled down and I ended up talking to the guy for an hour and here’s the relevance: He won his Oscar for Visual Effects in 1991, and he is VERY upset about the way the US visual effects industry is being squeezed out of existence.

        To sum up the loooong case he made, it started in the late 1990s when a studio sent Ernst & Young to the Canadian Parliament to ask for “free money” for studios in the form of subsidies, and Canada agreed, and ever since then when a studio wants to shoot something they send their lawyers and accountants ahead to a potential location and say, How much will you give us to shoot here? And if the answer is not enough, that’s it. They shoot elsewhere. Or they don’t make that movie at all.

        Now, this is part of a extensive pressure system partly created by the govt but also by the studios themselves. Starting with the death of the old studio system in the 1970s, which meant the studios became giant corporations more than houses run by people who’d actually come up making movies,* and the growing mountains of money these corporate folks spend on movies-as-investments in competition with each other. Terminator (1984) cost $6.5 million to make and “just 7 years later” (he said) T2 cost $100 million — a trend begun (I’ll say) by Jaws and Star Wars and peaking (I think; so far) with John Carter (which cost $150m to make plus $100m to promote) — meaning we increasingly have these uberpricey productions designed to grab vast audiences instantly, and they NEED to make blockbuster money their first weekend or they have, as business ventures, failed.

        And while shooting since 1998 has been increasingly done around the world to save cash (Canada, Czech Rep, etc), post-production stuff stayed in the US. Except lately. Now post is increasingly exported, too, because a buck can be saved if you hire people in Malaysia instead of people in El Segundo, CA. Studios look to squeeze every cent out of their movies, because money is their goal. So you get Rhythm & Hues going out of business despite winning multiple Oscars for their work — a lot of those guys on stage accepting the Oscar for Life of Pi (my friend said, at this point kinda sauced) have not been paid yet by the studio for that work. And when R&H collapses or shrinks, that’s fine, because there’s places in India that will do the same thing, more or less, for less.

        So this guy is in some organization to combat this, which formed right away in 1999 (he has a long history of activism which included helping the Black Panthers in 1968 around the time of the assassination of Bobby Hutton, which is a name I had to google just now and that is INSANE), and he’s been to Washington to lobby to incentivize keeping production in the US. I asked how’d it go with Feinstein & Boxer, the CA senators, figuring they’d be on board with any effort that would add jobs to CA — and he said Feinstein refused entirely. Boxer was nice and signed their petition — but 2 weeks later called to remove her name. Because the studios, he said, got to her. And the studios have big money. Rhythm & Hues can’t match the influence of big money, however sad their story is (basically the story is sad because they did everything right in terms of being the best at what they do but it doesn’t matter).

        Money is what runs everything, this guy said, and that upsets him because I think he sees how it could be different. (I think also things are run by ego, and panic, because a lot of the people who end up in charge are not actually our best Burning Man visionaries?) But anyway, what you and I as movie-goers can do to help is a pile of yikes (refuse to see movies that were subsidized by foreign govts??) but until we do that, it’s going to go more like this, I guess.

        Anyway, I was leaving the bar and the guy grabbed me and said “Spread the word!” So that’s why I typed all this, which will interest 3 of you. You’re welcome.

        • *Holy hell, that was the most TL;DR of all time, but here’s a footnote: This guy also said Terminator almost didn’t get made because beancounters thought the story was terrible — a time-traveling revenge robot and a naked dude, give me a break — and that even when it was made, he overheard Orion execs in the men’s room after the premier saying it looked like they had a flop on their hands. They just didn’t get what a fucking awesome movie it was, because it wasn’t like movies they’d seen before and so they were completely unequipped to respond to it. This is really hard to believe about TERMINATOR for chrissakes but it is by no means impossible to believe, as I have met some of these characters.

          • Looks like an interesting story, but I think I’ll wait for the movie.

          • Too long read all of it. Shit’s fucked, yo.

          • I can kind of imagine a world in which these “beancounters” believe that Terminator is going to tank WITHOUT them being soulless haters of art. As cool as it is, Terminator is essentially a gruesome b-movie starring an Austrian weightlifter and a bunch of nobodies. Everyone thought Star Wars would bomb, too. I imagine if you’re in the film industry long enough, you are inured to most films dying spectacularly because so few actually blow up and become cultural/economic sensations.

          • Good point, Del. By “beancounters” he meant people who didn’t have an all-encompassing passion for movies — who didn’t show up at Corman Studios at age 20 to see if they could build sets, deliver mail, anything. That was this guy’s start, so he got Terminator right away. Maybe the beancounters as movie-goers loved Ben-Hur, loved Paul Newman! But their love ended there because their experience ended there. In his view their experience was too limited. (In his view.)

        • Oops, correction: looking through my Black Panther history, I realize the assassination he referred to was Fred Hampton’s, not Bobby Hutton’s. Different assassination. Fred Hampton I’d heard of. I lost it in the H’s this morning.

        • This is all true. The main problem with the visual effects industry is film subsidies created by foreign governments.
          It’s partially that the work has become democratized so a small cheapo studio in Malaysia can undercut US work, but really there are only a handful of big effects companies capable of doing blockbuster-size effects. The real problem is that England, Canada, New Zealand, SIngapore etc all have tax credits for their domestic film industries. So if effects are 20% cheaper to do in London or Vancouver, obviously all the work goes there. The US effects companies open satellite offices abroad to claim a piece of that, but if big projects fall through it’s very difficult to continue to operate in the US, like what happened with R&H. So for an effects artist you either have to be willing to move from job to job in different countries or get out of the film business (which is what a lot of the older, more experienced people do). It’s unsustainable.

        • Way more interesting than any conversation I’ve had in a bar, ever. But are you positive that wasn’t just an Oscar-shaped whiskey bottle?

          What I realized last night is that maybe I should watch at home alone next year. I was feeling all fussy at my fellow partygoers for talking over the acceptance speeches. I am lame and sentimental and like to hear what people have to say at the moment their biggest dream is realized. Maybe next year my morph into my grandma will be complete and I’ll sit on the couch with a highball and say things like, ‘He looks like he’s never seen a comb in his life!’ and, ‘That’s a handsome woman.’

  7. Tina and Amy would make it entertaining, Gabe!

  8. Well said, Gabe. And the worst part about this is I definitely think the Oscars are the most respectable award show out there. For how shitty and out of touch the Oscars often are, HAVE YOU SEEN THE BULLSHIT THAT IS THE GRAMMYS? A terrible band that has been around for 4 years won Best New Artist this year! That doesn’t make any logical sense!

    I want them to have a host who totally ain’t give a fuck about any of it. If they didn’t take themselves nearly as seriously and made it more of a joke I think it would be a lot better. The problem with these awards is the selections are so obviously influenced by external poltitics rather than being based on the actual quality of the films, so it is infuriating when they act like the winners of these awards are legitimate when meanwhle you get fucking Forrest Gump winning over both Pulp Fiction AND Shawshank Redemption, Stanley Kubrick never winning best director, Network losing to fucking Rocky, etc etc.

    • I always feel like it’s just rich and successful people congratulating themselves. Like it’s slightly more interesting than watching a goldman sachs award show…probably.

    • Not to belabor the point, but seriously guys, why don’t we just not watch the Oscars? I didn’t watch them this year and haven’t for a couple of years. They’re not fun and for the most part they are an affirmation of everything that is wrong with Hollywood (as Gabe said). If everyone stopped watching these garbage awards shows, wouldn’t they eventually have to stop making them? Because of ratings? Or something?

      tl;dr The Walking Dead was pretty good last night

  9. Nathan Christensen  |   Posted on Feb 25th, 2013 +13

    I think Kenneth Parcell would make a great host. He would make the whole thing a parody of itself, and Hollywood can have a satisfying circle jerk at the same time.

  10. This was the strangest ceremony I can remember. I’ve never had to say, “wait, what?” so many times while watching the Oscars. From the weird jokes to the odd segues. I don’t think the people who put the show together knew what kind of show they wanted, so they just threw everything out there.

  11. I guess the real question is who has been directing/producing this show for the past decade or two? You can have Tina, Amy, Louie CK, Tig Notaro and every awesome person we know host this show and it’s not going to solve anything if you can’t get to the root of the problem. Sadly, whoever in charge is probably going to be around for a while, and we won’t see any major changes for a long time.

    Seriously, it’s just like the Olympics. We’ll be stuck with NBC’s horrid coverage until I’m eligible for social security.

  12. But hey, that Shirley Bassey sure was great, wasn’t she? Yeah, this show sucked.

  13. I actually thought Seth did a good of a job as any. I was just obsessed with his hair after one of my friends said he wore a hair piece. Then I became obsessed with seeing which men had hair pieces and how many men’s foreheads moved and why Jennifer Lawrence hid her boobs so much. Then I thought after listening to Skyfall, that if I listen to one more Adele song that I’ll have served up all my time in purgatory and can go straight to heaven. Then I thought mostly – why am I still up? But I was around good friends and then I started imagining what if an orgy occurred like would I partake?

    • Ok, this is rather jerkfaceish of me, but speaking of hair, what the heck was on John Travolta’s heat last night?

      • We were trying to figure that out. We concluded that he has a hairpiece, but he also paints his scalp. And he has a weave on the sides as well. And of course he died his hair. Also, there were a LOT of bad dye jobs on men last night. John Travolta’s was actually a decent dye job but only because he already had jet black hair and he dies it really dark. So many of the men dye it and it has that orange-y color.

    • I went into Seth’s hosting with pretty low expectations. I have been known to enjoy certain episodes or bits of Family Guy, but that’s really all I know about him, and I was kind of afraid he would just be doing voices all night.

      I thought he did fine. Not every joke was great, but I laughed out loud a few times, so that seems decent.

      I did get pretty bored in parts, but I just love the Oscars. I don’t know why. I don’t much care about the fashion, and I haven’t even seen most of the movies nominated. I think I just really enjoy seeing someone’s creation win an award. Even if I have no idea what the movie is or who the winner is (I’m looking at you sound/costume awards) – they are so happy and they thank their coworkers and families, and it’s just nice!

  14. beasts of the southern wild was amazing, i redbox that ish quite frequently and i still cry every damn time. from what i have read it didn’t win a single award? makes complete sense.

  15. My computer is entirely convinced that “900-year-old” is a phone number that I definitely want to call.

  16. The show was really weird, but…I’m probably in the minority….I thought Seth was funny. It’s the friggin Oscars. Lighten up. I don’t like the Family Guy (or any of his shows) at ALL. But, this and SNL, I have to effing apologize, but I liked him.

    That being said, it was still wayyyyyyyyy to long and over-the-top and weird. Chicago tributes? Marvin Hamlish getting “the hammer” on the In Memoriam segment? So many songs?

    • I’m not really all that anti-McFarlane, so felt like I went in with a pretty open mind. I though some stuff worked and some stuff didn’t. But the stuff that didn’t seemed to overshadow the stuff that did. The “Ted” stuff was pretty awful, and following up with a guy in a Nazi costume just made it worse. I’ll admit that I usually turn it off when people start singing, so I missed his musical numbers.

      • The “guy in the nazi costume” was a joke about The Sound of Music, and it was one of the funniest things in the show IMHO. It wasn’t offensive or edgy or anything, it was literally just a guy saying a line from The Sound of Music, wearing the same costume as the guy in the movie who says the line.

        But yes, the “Ted” thing was terrible. All I could think of was “Grum” from Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job!

        • Still, I was glad that at least we didn’t get any appearances from Family Guy characters, which I was fully expecting (I guess if the show were on Fox we probably would have).

          I was actually pleasantly surprised with Seth McFarlane’s hosting, mostly due to having super low expectations. Most of his worst tendencies were reeled in pretty well. Nothing to write home about, but then when was that ever the point of the Oscars?

        • I know what it’s from, and I didn’t find it offensive. I just found it strangely timed. I also thought it would have made more sense after Christopher Plummer left the stage, but whatever.

          • I guess I just really like The Sound of Music, so I was pleased with that joke, and referring to it as “a guy in a Nazi costume” makes it sound like there was just a Nazi stationed in the theater for no good reason. The bit kind of reminded me of something Conan would have done on Late Nite ten years ago, which was cool.

        • Now that we know the White House orchestrates the Oscars (thanks for clarifying, Michelle!), we can officially start a petition for Tim and Eric to host the Oscars. If you thought Seth MacFarlane had dead-end time-waster jokes, you ain’t seen nothin yet!
          https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/

  17. My memory might be a little hazy, but I recall the Chris Rock-hosted Oscars as entertaining and at least a little subversive. The one bit that comes to mind is when he interviewed people at the Magic Johnson theater. I thought Jon Stewart was a good host too.

  18. Ummm, has anyone heard from Frank Lloyd Wrong today? because I’m preeeety sure I saw him in the “In Memoriam”…

  19. Do you think the person who looked up all the Oscar attendees to see if they had been topless was an unpaid intern or an actual writer in a Guild someplace? Do you think he went to like a Mister skin type thing and browsed or did he google like, “Charlize theron movie bewbz” but with each actress there? No one could know all that from memory, right?

    • Excuse me that should be “he or SHE” did not mean to be sexist. My apologies.

    • I would usually cringe during this song, but I thought actresses who were in on the joke made it funny – their reaction shots were pretty amusing.

      • Meh. Just because a few Hollywood actresses also don’t understand good comedy doesn’t mean much to me.

        • Charlize Theron was in Arrested Development, so I think she understands what good comedy is.

          Jennifer Lawrence has a pretty great sense of humor from what I’ve seen in interviews.

          Naomi Watts is usually in sad movies, so watching her have some fun at her own expense was good for a laugh.

          Again, this is usually the type of humor that belongs in an Adam Sandler movie, but it would have been ten times worse if it was just Seth mugging at the camera and not showing that the ladies were having some fun with it.

          • Was it really having fun at her own expense? Because at best it seems like being a good sport so you don’t seem uptight and uncool to me. Like, the entire joke was, ha ha, ladies have to get naked in movies (because Patriarchy) and we get to discount all their achievements and personhood with the power of having seen them unclothed (because Patriarchy some more)! It was Mr. Skin set to music. It would have been gross and stupid and cheap in an Adam Sandler movie too.

          • Ladies don’t have to get naked in movies. Many, many actresses don’t do this, and their careers are just fine.

            None of them had to participate in the joke either, but I think that they were wearing different outfits, so if it was filmed prior to the Oscars, they weren’t just going along with it spur of the moment, trying to play it cool for the cameras.

            I just read in the “Life After Oscars” post that four of the examples came from scenes depicting rape. Ok, that is gross. Hell, I’m not even saying that any of the joke was a premium example of comedy, but if the actresses involved in the joke weren’t offended, I don’t see why any of us should be.

          • Uh…seriously? Ladies don’t have to get naked? Like, you do know that a “We Saw Your Dick” song would have been virtually impossible because while it’s de rigeur for women to be topless in movies, male full frontal nudity gains an NC-17 and thus pretty much doesn’t happen in mainstream or mainstream-adjacent movies, even though it’s tits-a-go-go? Like…have you SEEN movies?

            And participating can be just as much “being a good sport so as not to seem uptight or uncool” in a pre-recorded bit as it can on the spot. I’m a Cool Girl, I don’t mind my professional and artistic achievement being reduced to my tits!

            That’s the cool thing about being an individual person, you can be bothered by anything you want, and you don’t need Charlize Theron’s permission because SHE wasn’t bothered.

            Good grief, with this.

          • Yes, I have SEEN movies. Yes, women get naked in movies. No, they don’t HAVE to. Perfect example – Jennifer Lawrence. Just won an Oscar. Second time at the Academy Awards in her young career. She has not been naked in any movies.

            Kate Winslet has a choice. She doesn’t have to play a character that calls for being nude. Just like Kristen Stewart doesn’t have to be in Twilight and Joaquin Phoenix doesn’t have to show up for awards shows. They all made a choice to be an actor, and sometimes that may be difficult.

            Get a body double or don’t take that part if you don’t want to be uncomfortable. It’s a choice. They have been critically acclaimed for their movies. With the good, comes the bad. Just like Kristen Stewart took on Twilight – she might have 50 gazillion dollars in the bank, but is now the butt of many jokes. It’s the price of fame, and while I don’t doubt it can be terrible, these people decided to go to Hollywood.

            I’m not going to defend Mr. Skin or whatever, but the host of the Oscars made a joke that will probably be forgotten in the next day. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

            I’ll agree that maybe there is pressure to appear “cool” and easy going about having a joke made about you for these ladies, but I hardly think that song reduced their artistic achievements, especially when they are all being acclaimed everywhere else with reviews and awards. When I think of Kate Winslet, I think of her amazing performances, not this song.

          • Orrrrr maybe women having breasts that we can see as part of a movie role that explicitly called (whether per script demands, director demands, character needs, or yet more patriarchy) for those breasts to be unclothed could not be made into a “funny” song that implied that no matter what they achieved, it wouldn’t matter because BOOBS?

            What makes you think this is just about those specific women being uncomfortable in that moment? What about women at home who just want to watch an awards show and are instead reminded that their bodies are usually seen as property? Maybe those actresses AREN’T uncomfortable with being topless in a movie but still are uncomfortable with it being throw in their faces?

            Why is it on an actress to refuse being topless instead of the fucking movie industry to stop constantly requiring actresses to be topless in movies? Jennifer Lawrence is 22 and has been a public name for 3 years. If you honestly think that that’s proof that she will never be in any movie that requires nudity, I’m amazed. And also, acting like it’s actually something to be proud of is gross on your part. Give me a break. Actresses are naked for their JOBS. If they choose not to be, that’s their business, and if they DO choose to be, it doesn’t make them free fucking game, nor does it make any woman who’s uncomfortable with talented and respected actresses being reduced to their tits for a cheap joke wrong.

            I guess the people circulating a macro of Meryl Streep with her Oscar that says “WE SAW YOUR BOOBS” are also remembering her achievement too, huh?

            The song may or may not be a big deal, but people defending it with “it’s totally okay, the actresses thought it was funny, stop being so uptight, lol liberal feminists” actually make it a bigger deal. Stop defending something that was stupid and tacky at best and people probably won’t make such a big deal about it.

          • I’m not sure what you mean by “acting like it’s actually something to be proud of.” I think actresses and actors should be proud of their achievements in acting – regardless of whether their character gets naked. And again, I don’t think – “Oh hey, there’s Kate Winslet. Remember when she got naked?” There are people that reduce them to that – which is unfortunate. But laughing at a lame joke is not the same as reducing someone’s entire IMDB list of roles to their naked body.

            And I don’t know what the Meryl Streep thing is that you refer to. Again, I’m not supporting some random internet dude that has to keep the joke going. And I’m definitely not defending Mr. Skin or the papparzzi who try to get sleazy pictures.

            Seth MacFarlane has offended me many times during Family Guy, so I’m not some Seth apologist. Ted looks like the worst movie, so if that is an example of what he is trying to create for future projects, then I hope he cashes in his Family Guy checks and retires.

            This conversation is headed in a very negative direction. I’m sorry if I have upset you. I don’t want to argue with anyone in the Videogum community.

          • “De rigeur for women to be topless in movies ?” I wish. I don’t think actresses (and actors) take their clothes off enough any more. Back in the 70′s and 80′s it was no biggie. Why have we become so prudish? The real problem is not with the nudity, but how we react to it.

      • Weren’t the “reaction shots” just clips from awards shows past? Cuz they were wearing different dresses in the alleged reactions.

        • Well, if that is how it was pieced together, then I might feel differently. Because then maybe they weren’t in on the joke.

          They were wearing different dresses, but I don’t know if the clips came from previous shows or maybe some Oscars dress rehearsal?

          • Let’s get to the bottom of this! (I know, I’m being kinda sarcastic, and that’s not attractive. But really, let’s have a productive Monday, wherever we happen to be.)

          • Well, I can’t say that I’m going to have a productive Monday, but I definitely didn’t wake up thinking I would be discussing this element of the Oscars in such great detail.

            I am trying not to eat as much sugar, but I try this every Monday, and it usually results in me eating a ton of candy by Wednesday.

          • GUYS. That all happened in an alternate timeline. What are you even talking about?

  20. Gabe, I agree

  21. i know that feel, Joaquin-bro.

  22. K Stew gifs anyone? Anyone? Can’t I get a montage? A mutha-cluckin’ montage!?

  23. Jennifer Lawrence’s red carpet emotions render your argument invalid:

  24. I didn’t mind the song at the end since it was just playing over the credits, which would have been just a music score otherwise. So nothing was really lost or gained there.

    If we were looking at what to cut to allow the winners to finish their speeches, they should have trimmed the William Shatner bit. It was awkward and went on way too long. And as much as I love listening to showtunes, I found them a bit boring and unnecessary and not a very diverse selection.

    • This…yes. The Shatner scene was very SNL-ish in that the cold open went on about 3-4 minutes too long. In this case, it was about 5-6 (although most of you would say all-of-it).

  25. The whole point of the Oscars IS that it serves as an escape into an impossibly glamorous world of spectacle. It’s basically a voyeuristic way to hang out with celebrities at the fanciest party in America, which we all know is a paper-thin facade. So complaining that real people’s lives are harder than the celebrities’ on screen is kind of silly IMHO.

    I also don’t really get when everyone complains that they cut off the speeches, but also complains that the show is too long and slow. I’m sure whatever that guy was going to say was world-changing and important, but I’m also sure that they brief everyone on exactly how much time they have and how everything works and everyone understands that the show needs to keep moving so it can be four hours long and not ten hours long, yet lots of people insist on babbling until the mic is cut off anyway.

  26. Next year, I hope they not only play the Jaws music, but have the shark remove people from the stage if they continue to talk. I would totally watch that.

  27. I just woke up from my Oscars hangover. The rules to my drinking game were:

    1. Drink any time someone cries
    2. Drink any time you want to punch Seth MacFarlane in the face
    3. Drink any time an award is being presented by somebody who would never be nominated for an Oscar in a million years
    4. Drink any time a winner mentions how great their fellow nominees are
    5. Drink any time they play a commercial for Red Widow

    The upside of this is that I was too drunk to really notice how bad it was, as I was amusing myself by singing Skyfall over and over without actually knowing how it goes (“Skyfallll! Falling through the sky! I was in the air, and then descended in an unintentional manner!”). The moral of the story is… I still like the Oscars even when they suck? It is an enjoyable tradition. Also my head hurts.

  28. “Don’t get me wrong, Seth MacFarlane was not a good host! He made very lazy jokes about Jews running Hollywood, for example. (Two seconds later a man dressed in a NAZI UNIFORM burst into the theater! LOL?)”

    I’m in stalker-love with Gabe, and I totally don’t want to touch on the Jew-joke issue because I lack those qualifications, but the fact that Gabe missed how the Nazi guy was a reference to “Sound of Music” and Christopher Plummer maybe broke my Gabe-loving heart a little. #FirstVideogumCommentEver

    • I doubt Gabe missed that. I think everyone more or less knew what the joke was. I mean, you’d have to literally never have heard of the Sound of Music not to get the joke. Still, some of us found it a little weird, especially coming on the heels of a bunch of Jew jokes. Also, as noted above, it would make more sense to do a “They’ve gone!!” joke AFTER Christopher Plummer had been on the stage.

  29. I never thought I would agree with the Today Show, but this morning they basically said that Seth seemed like a pretty good host, and at least it wasn’t as bad as Ricky Gervais.

  30. I work in the motion picture picture business and it’s not that bad. I’m a nice guy and the people I’ve worked with are nice. I even went to the Oscars once and it was a fun, albeit long, night. I’m not sure why they can’t figure out what to do with the show. I don’t think it inherently sucks. We used to like watching the rich and famous celebrate themselves and now we like ragging on them for celebrating themselves, so it still serves a purpose.

  31. It’s been 4 hours and my post is still awaiting moderation. Am I in trouble for writing a bleep?

  32. I just wanna know what Jennifer Lawrence said that got her bleeped on the red carpet!

    They were talking about Dance Moms, then:
    Kristin Chenoweth was like: Is the pope Catholic?
    and then
    JLaw was like: Oh I see what you did there. _____ _____ _____ _____?

    Also, why didn’t anyone mention they were doing Jaws theme as cut-off music? I would have watched it this year just to see people squirm.

  33. Very well said Gabe.

    I think this gif says it all:

  34. The sock puppet reenactment of Flight was very LOL, I wish they had done that for every movie instead of the various other things they did

  35. You know how the Pulitzer committee doesn’t always award a Pulitzer prize in every category every year? Maybe the Oscars should try that.

  36. I did not watch the Oscars. But I did see the Boob Song which I must admit initially made me cringe but I don’t know if this is because they cut to shots of a horrified Naomi Watts and a head-shaking Charlize Theron.

    I thought about this because I had nothing better to do at the time. I don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, a part of me says, “Hey. You’re the one who decided to show your tits onscreen. Have a sense of humor about it!” And then another part of me (like the part of me that thinks kids should watch nothing above a PG movie and the part of me that only gets naked for one person) says, “Hey there’s a time and a place for boob talk and jokes (which I love!) but the Oscars- though not sacred- is not the time for it.

    I dunno. I’m working this out in my comment and I’m drinking some fancy beer and eating hummus with peanut butter instead of tahini. It’s a revelation!

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