I don’t actually know how anything works, obviously, so I am sure there are probably some very solid theories out there about what is the best way to maintain a civil society, and that this includes putting murderers and rapists in prison, yes, but it also includes giving people expensive tickets for spitting on the sidewalk in front of a woman or whatever. Again, I have no idea. That sounds about right? Like, when a cop is giving someone a ticket for some mild non-offense and the person asks “don’t you have anything better to do” or “shouldn’t you be arresting an actual criminal” the answer is probably “yes, and I am going to do that right after I am done doing this thing, which is no real sweat off of my back, so relax.” I’m not saying I approve of severe punishments for spitting on the sidewalk in front of women, although it is gross guys, but just that it’s all part of the Joker’s plan and you can’t ONLY arrest people when the pre-Cogs say they are about to have killed the mayor. That’s not the ONLY thing we need to keep on top of for safety in our communities. All of that being said, though, when a teenager who works at KFC on her off-hours from school posts a picture on Facebook of herself possibly licking a tub of mashed potatoes, it is fine for the KFC to fire her and release a public statement concerning their dedication to food safety, but does the local news need to treat it like this is Season 5 of The Wire? They do? Because in Sun Tzu’s The Art of War it says that we must “punish all children publicly and egregiously”? Well, this is war, so I guess you are right.

AND SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU PESKY OH SHE AND/OR A FRIEND POSTED IT TO FACEBOOK THEMSELVES FOR SOME WEIRD REASON? WELL THAT WAS ALSO A BAD DECISION. This is Abu Grahib all over again if you listen to these fucking newscasters tell it. Oh man, remember Abu Grahib? #memories

Comments (18)
  1. Was that guy really the best they could have gotten to talk about why licking potatoes is gross?

    • I didn’t watch the video, but my favourite part about getting people to talk about shit on TV is the “titles” they give them so I’ll just go ahead and guess this dude’s caption…

      “Potato Expert”
      “Food Etiquette Historian”
      “Disgrunted Former KFC Customer”
      “Man Who Once Ate A Licked Potato”
      “President”
      “Internal Infectious Diseases Doctor”

      • I know it says “Concerned about photos” under that genius’s face, but I read it as “Concerned about Potatoes” and now I always will, if I ever actually watch the video again, which I am not planning to do.

      • He’s “Concerned About Photos” but it doesn’t specify it was these photos. Maybe he’s just concerned about photos in general.

    • Don’t worry, the reporter introduces Mr. Clemons as someone “who has worked in many area restaurants”, so his qualifications shouldn’t be called into question

      Also I think he starts his segments by saying “Mind Broiling” which is awesome

  2. “For Sure” -perfect response from male news anchor implying concern, but not too much concern.

  3. Those local newscasters were probably just looking for the Dickensian aspect of the story. That’s all the media cares about these days.

  4. Is that Lena Dunham, though?

  5. More like Kentucky Fired Chicken, amirite?

  6. I mean, there are worse things you can do to mashed potatoes. This report was half baked.

  7. Shit, if this is gonna be that kind of party…

  8. Why is the local news soooooo bad? Always? I mean has it ever been good? Has it ever not been the ABSOLUTE WORST??? Has it always been Racist Uncle meets Entertainment Tonight meets Bad Jokes meets Idiots since the dawn of time? Will I ever not have to turn the TV all the way off at 6pm and 11pm?

  9. If the chicken is finger lickin’ good, what are the potatoes?

    A firing offense, apparently.

  10. Haha, I got to see this “scandal” unfold on Facebook because I’m from Johnson City and some of the people I went to high school with were posting about it. My sympathy was mostly with the potato-licker because being a teenager in JC is very hard even before you factor in a job at KFC. Licking mashed potatoes seems to me a reasonable way to cope with that.

    This post actually makes me appreciate my hometown in that this is the kind of thing that qualifies as big news there. Now I live in Chicago, where the local news really is a lot like Season 5 of The Wire. God only knows what’s happening on the mashed potatoes front.

  11. Ella. I agree that Catherine`s rep0rt is neat… on friday I got a new Honda after I been earnin $9466 this-past/four weeks and-more than, ten-k this past month. it’s actualy the best work I’ve ever done. I started this 7-months ago and practically straight away was earning at least $82.. per/hr. I work through this link,…….. BIT40.ℂOℳ

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