British gadget website MenKind.co.uk, which you might remember from just kidding, I don’t think you’re going to know what MenKind.co.uk is. (Unless you do! It is certainly possible that you do, almost anything is possible. It’s possible that someone is typing the same exact sentence that I am right now somewhere else in the world and their name is ALSO Kelly and they are ALSO about to show you some nonsense garbage. Plz visit MenKind.co.uk and see if it looks familiar.) (Be warned, though, that it might just look familiar because it looks like sites from when the Internet was new and you’d just type random words and add .com and see if the website existed.) (Stupid.com, Bored.com) Anyway they have done a poll (for the Oscars? I have no idea how this is for the Oscars, but they say it is for the Oscars) and have found Kristen Stewart to be Hollywood’s least sexy actress. From The Independent:

Twilight star Kristen Stewart is the Hollywood actress men would least like to get their teeth into. She topped a poll of British men to find the least sexy actresses – and proved to be more undesirable than Sarah Jessica Parker and Lindsay Lohan.

Stewart – who had a fling with married director Rupert Sanders while dating movie hunk Robert Pattinson – was seen in her final Twilight film Breaking Dawn Part 2 last year.

The poll was held ahead of the Oscars, which are being staged in Los Angeles this weekend. A spokesman for MenKind said: “Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men – it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.

“They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

Hahah. OSCARS POLL? Plz tell me Y oscars poll. “Oh, we only asked people named Oscar.” What a bunch of heros. “They were turned off by how a very young woman is still facing public scrutiny over a personal and private mistake that she immediately owned up to and apologized for, even though it is none of anyone’s business in the first place, and also they were turned off by how most of these actresses are kind of not really in the public eye anymore at this point and don’t really need to be told they are not sexy, or they’re older than young, or they’re Lindsay Lohan.” Here is the full list:

1. Kristen Stewart
2. Sarah Jessica Parker
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Denise Richards
5. Kirsten Dunst
6. Mischa Barton
7. Hilary Swank
8. Lucy Liu
9. Tilda Swinton
10. Uma Thurman

DO YOU AGREE WITH THE LIST just kidding. This is all very stupid. You would’ve expected better from one of MenKind.co.uk’s famous Oscars polls just kidding again, LET’S ALL GO HOME AND TAKE A NAP AND TRY NOT TO DREAM OF THESE HORRIBLE WOMEN!

Comments (36)
  1. Twilight star Kristen Stewart is the Hollywood actress men would least like to get their teeth into.

    Good for you Kristen Stewart, for avoiding the eye of these TERRIBLE BRITISH CANNIBALS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT TILDA SWINTON BECAUSE LET’S BE HONEST, SHE WAS BORN TO FIGHT A HERD OF TERRIFYING BRITISH CANNIBALS.

    • I will, of course, be willing to assist Swinton in her cannibal-fighting endeavors once I change into unsoiled garments.

    • This was essentially my first thought before I got down to the Lucy Liu part, and then nothing else matter.

      • That wasn’t a typo. Absolutely everything else in the universe ceased to exist in any sort of physical form.

      • Lucy Liu is indeed wonderful. I have to say though, I don’t like Kristen Stewart because she can’t act, and yes her face is a bit tiresome only because she makes the same face over and over which is that not acting face. It reminds me of how Molly Ringwald made the same face over and over in all her movies by biting her lip. BUT – and my point is – she’s really pretty. Those brits should be so lucky to have the opportunity to sink their teeth into her!

    • When I saw this headline yesterday I thought the exact same thing. Good for her. Everyone can go fuck themselves. Who are we to ascribe scales of subjective attractiveness to famous people to rate their do-ability? That is gross.

  2. Before we follow a post prompting race discussions with one that prompts gender discussions, can we all just take a break, come together, and agree that anybody who doesn’t find Lucy Liu adorable is a crime against nature?

    • You have my axe. Lucy Liu is the best.

    • Also, as irritating as I find these lists, they are also hilarious because I am sure, voters of MenKind.co.uk, that Kirsten Stewart and Kirsten Dunst are beside themselves that anonymous internet readers (myself included) are judging whether or not we would want to sex them. Clearly Kirsten Stewart was doodling ‘Mrs. MenKind.co.uk’ in her Lisa Frank trapper keeper before reading this distressing news. IF ONLY MenKind.co.uk WOULD WANT TO SEX ME, she thinks, before checking into a nunnery to live out the rest of her ghastly-visaged life.

    • I wonder if they just have sour grapes over her success as an American Watson.

      This is the Craig v. Katie feud all over again…

  3. Interested to see Kristen Stewart’s list of Least Sexy British Guys named Oscar.

  4. Was Denise Richards a boom mic operator on an Oscar nominated film or something?

  5. Congratulations, Kristen Stewart! Your plan worked! Over several years, you perpetuated a carefully crafted image of disinterest and insincerity, and all your hard work has paid off! You can finally walk the streets of the UK without being harassed by the kind of men who visit, and answer polls for, menkind.co.uk.
    Please write a book with all your tips. I have been working on my own casual rudeness for years, but I’m still an amateur (but my stink-eye is ready to go pro, I think!). I wonder if the Kristen Stewart Method would work on Canadian douchebags too?

    • I think Kristen Stewart might be a pioneer in this area. I’ve been dragging my unfriendly sourpuss out for nearly a decade and all I get is people telling me I would be pretty if I smile. No one has yet dared to think of me as a lost cause! I am filled with admiration.

  6. True story: I am pretty sure K Stew came into my coffee shop on Sunday morning. I am 95% sure it was her. Did I want to sink my teeth into her? No. Did she look like the last thing in the world she wanted was for anyone to bite her, or talk to her, or look at her, or be in the coffee shop with her? Yes, and that is what bumped my 80% up to 95%.

    • I should add that fame is a weird monster and that I mainly really did feel a “no one approach me” vibe, which is an unfortunate thing for a person to decide they have to walk around broadcasting. But it’s probably thanks to stupid crap like Menkind, etc. Oh and Twilight. Probably she didn’t have to put up this vibe in the coffee shop — I don’t think anyone was going to say anything or whisper or point. I was probably the worst person there and all I did was a slow double-take, which is the moronic way I react to everyone I see:

      “Whuuuut… that girl has red hair…”
      “Whuuuut… that dude has a Motley Crue shirt….”
      “Whuuuut… that girl is K Stew…”
      “Whuuuut… that couple ordered cake…”

  7. I’m just glad that I, as a woman, know what NOT to be if I want to snag a man (as is my only function in life), and that is: old(er than 30), mildly self-actualized, or Asian outside a fetish website. Thanks, men! Thanks MenKind.co.uk! You really make it so easy.

  8. Is this basically the Internet poll equivalent of the TSA agent with something to prove? Like these guys get this pinky fingernail of power over these beautiful actresses for one click and they just go for it? Because BULLLLLLLshit.

  9. More like “MenUNKind.co.uk”, amirite, fellas?

  10. Well you know, for an actress talent is what makes them attractive.
    so… you know…

  11. If you think Peter`s story is good…, last week my auntie’s boy friend basically broght in $4346 workin a sixteen hour week at home and the’re classmate’s step-mother`s neighbour did this for six months and actually earnt more than $4346 part-time from there computer. apply the guidelines at this site………. BIT40.ℂOℳ

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.