The other day when we posted something or other about Courtney Stodden, America’s Second Queen Probably After Beyonce Right?, someone tweeted that they did not know who Courtney Stodden was but that Videogum posted more articles about her than [we] do movie reviews. OUCH. OK, uh, that is, like, a totally legitimate criticism. Uh. No, yeah, totally. Here’s the thing: sorry? We will work on that. I was going to write a review of Die Hard, which I was supposed to see with my brother last week, but then one thing led to another and I still haven’t seen it, although I think it has a 99% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is pretty impressive. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a positive review of Die Hard these days. Not that I am even suggesting that a Die Hard review would make up for our overall lack of relevant film criticism in recent months. How about this: how about you take a look at what movies are coming out in the next few weeks, and you let us know which movies you I MEAN WE are going to see, and we will just plan accordingly, OK? But seriously, Courtney Stodden did record a vlog this weekend in which she pretends to be some vaguely foreign but equally insipid gumball named Courtina. Not even sure anymore.

Honestly, I know that Courtney Stodden is just a horrifying portrayal of what our modern culture’s insistence on the immeasurable premium on “being famous at any cost” can do to a human being’s tender and unsupervised brain, but you have to admit that it’s a bus you’re not entirely sure you’re ready to get off of yet. Your hand is on the pull wire, tense and a little clammy, but you haven’t pulled it yet. Is this my stop? I feel like my stop is coming up. Is this it? One more stop? Why does the bus smell like this? Who am I talking to? My feet are so tired! (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (30)
  1. Charo’s lawyer is preparing a cease and desist letter as I type this.

  2. The Oh Brother tag is great. I wish there were more articles in the Oh Brother category, because all three are so, so good!

  3. A Good Day to Die Stodd

  4. I think the real solution here is to split off from Videogum and make Stoddengum. Keep both sides happy.

  5. Life is too short to watch this video, but I’m assuming it’s something along the lines of Hilary Duff’s performance as Lizzie’s Italian pop star doppelganger Isabella from the Lizzie McGuire Movie?

  6. “When I said I wanted to role play, I less meant to get a wig and pretend you’re from another country and more pretend you’re still underage.” — Doug Hutchinson.

    • This is funny, and yet it makes me sad, because it’s probably close to the truth. Oh Courtney Stodden! Why do you provoke so many emotions in me??

  7. Can we also review movies that have recently come to my Redbox and that I watch while folding my laundry/making a leisurely weekend lunch? For example, Pitch Perfect, which I think was overhyped to me.

    The feature can be called, “Movies that single ladies watch while doing boring things in order to distract them from their loneliness.”

  8. GABE HAS A BROTHER?!?


  9. “I’ll give you this, Courtina: you’re good. You’re damn good.”

  10. She finally understands her range. This is huge. She’ll be perfect for mail order bride #8 in a direct-to-dvd adaptation of 7 Wives for 7 Brothers: The Pornography.

    Doug’s years of intensive acting lessons have finally paid off!!!

  11. I would hesitate to invite this Daughter of Eve over for tea, but I must admit that her confusion mirrors my own. When I fished for an image to put in the tiny box next to my name, I was amazed to find several pictures of one James McAvoy disguised as a Faun, and even further astounded at his resemblance to a humble Faun who presumes to consider all of you his friends. I have considered drawing this uncanny similarity to Mr. McAvoy’s attention but I remain wary of his possible reaction. Would he be pleased or revolted? Life would be far less vexing were we all as simple as Courtina and Courtney, whose gazes, I am certain, have remained locked in rapturous delight since their eyes first met. Unless Courtina is half-goat. We do not see her lower half so I cannot offer a definitive opinion, but I would venture to assert that this is unlikely.

  12. She must be from the only Spanish-speaking province in China.

  13. Do they have YouTube Oscars yet?

  14. For what it’s worth, I’m not that interested in movie reviews. Not just from Videogum – I value Gabe, Kelly, and the Monsters’ judgement over those of the old people at the print newspapers – but in general. I don’t watch a lot of new releases.
    However, I DO want to be kept up on all Courtney Stodden news.

  15. I find it impressive that she has created an accent that mocks non-native English speakers from every corner of the world.

  16. Hoping for Courtney Stodden updates represents 33% of my motivation for visiting Videogum on a daily basis. (Another 33% can be attributed to hoping for updates on Benedict Cumberbatch’s terrifying campaign to seduce all women, and another 33% is the increasingly desperate hope that more WMOAT entries have appeared. That last 1% goes in the Save The Date Rap Videos column.)

  17. This sounds insane but I read vigilant citizen, and she’s a mind control victim or she is meant to appear as one. Did you see the video where she is a cat? It’s not cute. It’s really weird. Her husband is a creep and she is a victim.
    Whether you believe in it or not, she is acting out a pattern here that has been going on for some time. The Illuminati and mind control are very trendy and in lots of popular videos. Maybe it’s all a joke or hype or whatever, but it really is there. You could have predicted her music video would have the “all seeing eye” in it, which it does, and you could have predicted an alter with a funny “foreign” accent. For Anna Nichole, it was a baby voice but the idea is the same.
    You can it in that Britney Spears video where she is “stoned” wearing a baseball cap and talking with Kevin Federline. She’s not “stoned.” It’s something else. When Courtney is acting like a cat, eating from the floor, you know… In a Madonna video that can be seen as an attempt to be sexy, but it’s clearly meant to be degrading. She spits up a “hairball.”
    It’s time to cut her off. She’s had enough.

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