LAAADIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! How are you doing today? Eagerly awaiting Valentine’s Day with the knowledge that your sweet loved one is going to make the whole thing a wonderful dream, sending flowers to your office in the daytime, going for dinner to your favorite restaurant or a restaurant you’ve never been to but that you’ve read is very good, and then doing you know what, you know when? Well then GET OUT OF TOWN, BECAUSE THIS QUESTION AND THE POST BASED ON THIS QUESTION AREN’T FOR YOU! Single ladies: Would you date Kai, the homeless hitchhiker we met about a week ago? A few disclaimers: I’m not sure if he’s single, he was on Jimmy Kimmel the other day and said that he never keeps money or belongings, which doesn’t bode well for, I don’t know, anything really, and he said that he isn’t homeless because “everywhere is his home,” so I’m not sure if you want to live in an apartment or what, or maybe he can just move into your apartment?, and he doesn’t even have the hatchet he owned anymore because it was taken away from him (and he was planning on at least building an outdoor home with the hatchet, so it looks like you’re out of luck there), and also he seems legitimately off the rails, but he DID write a song and it is pretty good? It sounds like Jack Johnson and a little bit Weezer, and then also a little bit Sublime, as if I had to actually say any of that. “I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, JUST SHOW ME THE SONG!” Ok, take a look at your future boyfriend, Kai the hitchhiker from last week!

“DO YOU DATE HIM?” – Nick Kroll. Plz vote in our special Valentine’s Day love poll and maybe next Valentine’s Day you’ll be together on a beach somewhere with Kai, for sure very dirty, and maybe sick? But in love!

Would You Date Kai, The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker?

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Comments (22)
  1. It’s funny you ask, because just the other day I witnessed one of my friends watching his interview for the first time, and at the end she said “The main thing I’m taking away from this is… I would hit it.” So there’s someone out there for everyone!

  2. This song will surely be a smash (smash, suh-mash) hit.

  3. I am confused, because I thought we were dating already. KAI, EXPLAIN THIS PLS.

  4. Hey. It’s tough out there, but I don’t think I would date a homeless person. Sorry, Kai.

  5. I live in Portland, I may have already dated and tired of him awhile ago.

  6. I propose that from now on, armed hitchhikers be called hatchhikers. I’m hoping to get this added to the dictionary soon to help seal Kai’s legacy.

  7. If you think Mark`s story is super…, five weaks-ago my aunt also broght in $9112 just sitting there a fourty hour month in their apartment and they’re classmate’s step-sister`s neighbour done this for five months and actually earned more than $9112 part time on- line. use the guidelines on this address…… BIT40.ℂOℳ

  8. ugh. this song is the worst part of the 90s basically.

  9. Ok, I am just wondering why we haven’t heard anything else about this guy since this article? Googled him and there is no information since Feb. Is he in jail or something? Saw a video on about him yesterday but it was from 9 months ago. Just saying.

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