How many Twitter events ago did the Super Bowl happen? 400 Twitter events? “Well, there was that time when the new monopoly piece and the US Postal Service cutting Saturday service were announced on the same day, uhhh, the snowstorm, the Pope, the Grammys, that last Girls episode, the #SOTU, the water bottle, uhh,” that’s you, going through your Twitter account trying to figure out how many Twitter events there have been since the Super Bowl. YOU BIG TWEETER! Suffice to say, it was so many “TE”s ago (this post isn’t about Twitter in any way, it’s just that “TE”s are how I measure time) and yet somehow we haven’t heard what Donald Trump thought of Beyonce’s half-time performance yet? Whaaaaaaaat? BUT THIS IS A THING THAT oh wait he did talk about it! From ONTD:

“When Beyoncé was thrusting her hips forward in a very suggestive manner,” Trump commented, “if someone else would have done that it would have been a national scandal. I thought it was ridiculous… I thought it was not appropriate.…”

But Trump also noticed that what he perceived as scandalous wasn’t by most viewers and the rest of country. “There’s been no mention of it,” he concluded. “So, obviously, it must not have been so bad. She gets a pass.”

Ok! Hahah. “If Bruno Mars would’ve done it we would’ve heard about it. If Rihanna were up there thrusting, you know someone would’ve had a problem. Adele? A-YES. But Beyonce? Nooooo.” I just wish Donald Trump would fast-forward a bit through the backlog of stuff he needs to comment on so we can finally know if he thinks Lena Dunham could have ever gotten with someone like Patrick Wilson IRL. What do you think, Donald?! Why did she do the thing with the shower? And the table tennis, would that have ever happened? What did the steaks mean? Let us knooooooow!

Comments (20)
  1. Illuminati fight!

  2. Well at least Trump has finally moved on from his outrage over Elvis’s performance of “Hound Dog.”

    • You’d think, but he just tweeted that Ed Sullivan is a third rate talk show host.

      • “The wheel is okay but most people are going to be offended by its obscene roundness. It’s not an improvement on the lever for most work so I think at this point science is wasting its time.”

  3. Trump kept silent about how this made him feel:

  4. “If Marky Mark had thrust his hips in such a suggestive manner, it wouldn’t have gone down as it did. There would have been a lot of screaming on Twitter, and then me saying ‘Calm down, everyone, I’ll run for president again.’” – Donald Trump, explaining his plan to save America from Socialists.

  5. Ever notice how racists are constantly comparing real-life events to some imaginary alternate scenario, as if they can prove that this other thing that didn’t happen would have a different outcome?

    That would not happen if the racists were all scientists.


    • What’s funny is that it’s kind of like science for super lazy people. Like you make the hypothesis and then just don’t get around to testing it.

      We gave the mice the drug and 50% of them lived. But if we DIDN’T, they would have ALL DIED! (Leans back, folds hands across chest, audience claps politely.)

  6. “If anybody other than Marco Rubio had put his tiny water bottle on a table soooo far out of his reach while he made the Republican response to the #SOTU, nobody would’ve mentioned it at all. I think this is just the left-wing elitist media playing the race card.” – Donald Trump

  7. That you didn’t use one of the “ugly” photos for this post just furthers my commitment to loving you, Kelly.

  8. I suppose it goes without saying that he once made a comment implying that he would like to fuck his daughter. That’s more of a “Yep, that’s the Donald all over!” moment than anything else.

  9. Trump also just called Karl Rove a big loser, which is just kind of great but also who cares but also hahahahahahahahaha. Suck it, Rove.

    • I don’t like either of them AT ALL (no duh), but Trump is just a dummy who is very loud and Karl Rove is straight-up evil. Plus I get a weird satisfaction in Trump calling someone a big loser on Twitter and sitting back behind his solid gold desk and thinking, “I showed him. I gave him the greatest insult that humankind has ever seen.”

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