BANANA JOOOOOOOOOOE! Congratulations to nine-year-old Affenpinscher Banana Joe, winner of the 2013 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. You are small and cute-ish, and we are all very proud of you. I hope you are enjoying a nice day at the dog spa to celebrate, with dog cucumbers over your dog eyes, and a pile of sparkling dog treats next to you that you don’t have to share with anybody. I did not watch you compete, but your name is perfect, and I saw a picture of you, and what else do you want me to say? More specific compliments? BANANA JOE. Relax. You already won the big dog contest, do you really need some people on a blog to flatter you more? Yes? Because you are a narcissist with lower self esteem than one would assume? Oh, Banana Joe. Well, the Petting Zoo isn’t all about you, buddy. In fact, it’s hardly about you at all. You already had your show. Now let’s let these other animals have theirs, ok? Ok, BJ? Can I call you BJ? Ok, BJ, LET’S GET TO THE VIDEOOOOS!

10. Goats Yelling Like Humans

9. Penguin Highway

8. Cat “Sings” “Tequila”

7. Crow Annoys Polar Bear

6. Cat Scared Of Piano

5. Sleepy Newborn Puppy

4. Baby Burrowing Owls

3. Labrador Helps French Bulldog

2. Sea Turtle Gets Prosthetic Flippers

1. Pig In A Wheelchair

WHOOPS, MR. OWL IS HANDSOME! I know it’s not customary to talk about number four first, but I know that’s what you were all thinking so I wanted to get it out of the way quickly. The guy in the owl video is surprise handsome. “Pig In A Wheelchair” and “Sea Turtle Gets Prosthetic Flippers” are both very sweet and also a bit sad, but mostly sweet. “Labrador Helps French Bulldog” is the perfect cure for the tinge of sadness left over from those first two, and “Sleepy Newborn Puppy” is the icing on the cute cake. Wonderful jobs all around. Congrats, guys! You’re all just as wonderful as Banana Joe! (Sorry, BJ!)

Comments (21)
  1. The guy in the owl video really is surprise handsome, though I might just be into him because that super cool watch and also he watches TV with owls. Can I date him instead of Kai? I say yes.

    Also, my dog loves to retrieve things for other dogs. It’s his favorite. Well, besides retrieving things for himself. Or hiking. Or eating my food when I’m not looking and then convincing me there never was food. Or napping. Or watching owls on TV and the Internet.

  2. Kelly! I thought of you this weekend – the newest “Too Cute” featured baby hedgehogs, bunnies, and…. MINI PIGLETS!! I just thought you’d be happy to know.

  3. Wow, even Antarctica has better highways than Atlanta.

    (You guys might want to check the news and see if Atlanta has gone up in flames yet after that sick burn)

  4. I think I convinced my boyfriend to get a new puppy this summer. A mini-golden doodle if we can’t work out a rescue.

  5. I laughed way too hard at the screaming goat video. They are just such majestic animals. Full of majesty, they are.

    • I would love to have a million goats. I just love hanging out with them and trying to figure out their rectangular pupils and listening to them just straight up talk. Plus they climb on stuff that will surprise you that they can climb on it, like how did that goat get up there I didn’t see it climb but suddenly it’s up there? I’m pretty sure goats are aliens but they’re so cool that Earth just took credit for them.

    • I laughed way too hard too. I was shaking at my desk in my cubicle. Seriously hard.

    • I laughed far to hard at the Italian gentleman arguing with the goat. However, from what I’ve seen it Italy, it’s about right.

  6. I’m going to start writing “Mrs. Mr. Owl” on all my notebooks. What a dreamboat!

  7. That polar bear looks almost exactly like Patton Oswalt’s impersonation of Nick Nolte sounds. “Awwjeeesusmumblemumblehrghahgoddamnbirdpokingatmybutt.”

  8. Why would you name owls after a sprinter? Owls aren’t fast!

  9. The adorability of piglets is at severe odds with my love of eating bacon. It’s a real dilemma.

  10. So pretty much those goats were ROBBED. ROBBED I tell you. It’s a good thing the office clears out at 5, because it’s not great to lose your shit watching goat videos in an office full of people. Who admittedly already think I’m a weirdo, but still.

  11. I’m just going to leave this here.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.