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When Snakes on a Plane was first announced, the internet went crazy for it. People created homemade posters, and blogs convinced Hollywood that the film would be a monster hit. At one point during production, the film’s name was changed to Pacific Air Flight 121, but Samuel L. Jackson went to the press and announced that he was changing it back. You know all of this. It is the e-stuff of iLegend. What Snakes on a Plane represented, at least in the on-line blogopolis, was an embrace of the action genre’s natural tendency towards camp and bombast, a refreshing honesty about setting expectations and calling a b-movie a b-movie. The problem, of course, with campy, bombastic b-movies, is that no matter how honest you are about setting expectations, the market is pretty well defined, and that market is “disappointing” by Hollywood Box Office analyst standards. And thus, Snakes on a Plane was considered a dud. Box office got straight rick roll’d.

Enter the Ninja Assassin poster. Look at this fucking thing. It’s called Ninja Assassin, and it has a picture of a ninja assassin holding the tools of the ninja assassinary trade, standing out in the rain, just like, “What?” This poster don’t play games. They’ve obviously taken the Snakes on Plane philosophy of clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, but without all the sarcastic hype and the tongue-in-cheek ironic knowingness. Irony has no place in the heart of a ninja. You either want a movie about a ninja assassin standing in the rain with ninja weapons called Ninja Assassin, or you don’t. That’s your problem.

Comments (11)
  1. super obvious titles are a thing of wonder. Take Lesbian Vampire Killers. First thought – I’ve pegged this movie. I’ve got it figured out.

    BUT ALAS!

    Is it about:

    a). Lesbians Killing Vampires?
    b). Vampire Lesbians that are Killers?
    c). People who kill Lesbian Vampires?

    which brings me to Ninja Assassins. Who’s killing whom?

  2. Maybe he was hired by Al Gore to fight global warming and acid rain?

  3. Andy  |   Posted on Apr 30th, 2009 +4

    CLEAR EYES, FULL HEART, CAN’T LOSE!

  4. laura  |   Posted on Apr 30th, 2009 +2

    SOAP bombed because New Line bought into the idea that they should make changes to the film based on the opinions of 13-year-old boys on SomethingAwful. They then threw all the “snakes on a motherfucking plane” dialogue in which made it rated R, and tada! 13 year olds can’t go.

  5. Basically all you need to know is that Sho Kosugi is in this. I’m good with that amount of information.

  6. Does anyone know what that new movie ‘Fighting’ is about? It’s a metaphor, right?

  7. That head looks maaaaad photoshopped. Look at that chin and shoulder combo. The entire neck area. I can’t be the only one!

  8. to Becca  |   Posted on May 1st, 2009 +2

    Raizo in the poster, he is a Korean pop star named as “Rain”, is killing ninjas. Therefore, the title means the assassin, not assassins, kills ninjas. Check the youtube. There is a cool training video for this movie.

  9. Charlotte  |   Posted on May 1st, 2009 0

    Please don’t blame the “Ninja Assassin” poster. All people have to see is the title and it says it all about the movie without having to see a poster. But hey, those that frequent movies the most these days care about seeing something bloody, scary, and a lot of action, so the poster will grab their attention fast!

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