If you are on the East Coast, you are currently preparing for a horrible storm, and if you are in southern California you are scared that a cop will just randomly empty his entire gun into your car because it looks like a crazy person’s car. If you live in the middle of the country, you are really stuck between a snow and a cop place! (Good one. Very good. Let’s just keep on going and push through the weekend, no breaks!) Sorry, uh, if you live in the middle, honestly I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, I am sorry, but I am sure it’s something meaningful and important that plays an important role in your life and the decisions you make! So wherever you are, stay safe this weekend, you guys. It is kind of a nightmare world out there always, but it is especially a nightmare world out there right now. Good luck. See you on Monday with more of your favorite BLOGS!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Alexander Skarsgard And Jack McBrayer Hanging Out Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editors’ Choices.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5  imsteph | Feb 4th Score:41

Yay since people are sharing, I’ll up the ante a little and share a story that I never tell out loud because it still makes me cringe.

The summer of ’09, I was single for the first time since high school and living in New York for a total of two months. I had this idea that I’d meet lots of interesting men and live it up like single girls in NY do on TV. I had very little experience flirting and all that, but I’d gotten a few tips on the arts of seduction. One of the tips I’d heard most was to make flirty eye contact. I tried this one time, at a bar with my (also single female) officemate. I found a good-looking guy sitting with some friends at the bar, and I decided to make eyes at him, all fluttery and coquettish. I made eye contact a few times over the next…man it must have been a while. Eventually, he and his friends got up to leave, and this guy shouts across the bar, “IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY FACE?” The way I remember it, his friends then high-fived him and they all left laughing out loud. This might have happened, but I’m pretty sure I blacked out from embarrassment immediately, so I’m hoping I made that part up.

I never made eye contact with a good-looking stranger ever again.

Posted in: Smooth Move, Entire Rack Of Ex-Lax
#4  catweazle | Feb 5th Score:42

Something about the way they’re standing reminded me of the Brokeback Mountain poster and then… I don’t know. This happened.

It didn’t seem as weird when I started.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Alexander Skarsgard And Jack McBrayer Hanging Out
#3  saturnian | Feb 4th Score:44

One day when I was in 3rd grade, we were going over our English homework and I had to pee really badly. I raised my hand to go to the bathroom, but as half the class had their hands raised to answer questions from the homework, the teacher didn’t notice and never called on me. After a while I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and came up with the absolutely brilliant idea to just pee my pants a little and then I would be okay. Shockingly enough, that didn’t work and I completely peed my pants. Good times.

Posted in: Smooth Move, Entire Rack Of Ex-Lax
#2  R2D2, Esq. | Feb 5th Score:45

The Bone Collectors.

Posted in: The Pussy Posse (Gross, Sorry) Is Back, Now Featuring Jonah Hill!
#1  catweazle | Feb 7th Score:48

They were going to try to use the other huge hit song of 2012 but the contestants found it too confusing.

Posted in: Jeopardy! Makes Desperate Bid For Infinite ReTumbls

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Man, great job catweazle! You did it. You did it so much better than Jeopardy! did it. I'm very proud of you. I'm very proud of all of you, but catweazle the most because catweazle got #1 and I like to be on a winning team. GOOD JOB, GUYS! STAY SAFE IN THE STORM IF IT'S STORMING WHERE YOU ARE!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

estelle winwood | Feb 7th Score:-9

Community sucks.

Posted in: A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Return Of Community

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Apparently some people do not agree!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

  Superglue | Feb 5th Score:47

Just two immortals enjoying a latte.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Alexander Skarsgard And Jack McBrayer Hanging Out

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Superglue! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice (Mary)

  Del Preston | Feb 7th Score:9

“I’m just a patsy, mom!”

Posted in: John Didn’t Eat The Sprinkles, Mom! Lay off!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Oh, the things that make you #LOL at 4pm on a Thursday. Thanks, Del Preston. And congrats.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice (Kelly)

  chunk lite | Feb 4th Score:38

When I was like, 7 I was VERY into Married, With Children even though I didn’t understand a lot of the sexual jokes. In one episode, Kelly tells some sexy story that is not very related to a topic but ends up pointing them to some solution and Marcy (oh man. MARCY!) says that she has “the morals of an ally cat”. I, because of context clues, and also Aesop’s Fables assumed that phrase meant “you tell stories that hide the point of what you are saying” and so when my mom told some story around a lot of her adult friends, I was excited to bust out my new zinger and said “hahah. that is a crazy story, mom. you sure have the MORALS OF AN ALLEYCAT!” and then I like, sitcom smiled and waited to bask in the approval of all of her peers for my super awesome stolen quip.

That is not how it went down. Horrified stares all around and my mom, after like 10 seconds of silence was like “a) do you know that you just called me a slut? and b) have you been watching “Married, With Children” again?”

I still cringe all the way to my very marrow remembering that moment.

Posted in: Smooth Move, Entire Rack Of Ex-Lax

[Assoc. Ed. Note: This whole thread of embarrassing stories was the best. Great job, you bunch of nerds!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

  Gobblegirl | Feb 5th Score:31

We’ve never needed this photo more:

Posted in: The Pussy Posse (Gross, Sorry) Is Back, Now Featuring Jonah Hill!

[Ed. Note: It's just nice to know that wherever you go, there's a Pussy Posse (gross, sorry) waiting for you. (Or as Superglue called them: the Fanny Friends.) ]

Comments (90)
  1. Congrats, ballers! And happy weekend all! It’s been snowing here for hours and the governor has prohibited all vehicular traffic, so I’m just going to hang out here, drink wine/hot chocolate and watch Clue.

  2. Good job everybody! Stay warm!

  3. Let’s Party!!!

  4. I’m picking up a four month old dalmatian puppy tomorrow! Everyone hug a puppy this weekend.

  5. I still have four hours at work, but happy weekend to everyone else! IDK if this gif is mean, but it made me laugh so here it is:

  6. Celebrating my first week of regular videogum commenting! Such a rush! Gonna go eat some sprinkles and watch the snow fall.

  7. So this week I learned that I missed work, that Gobblegirl is territorial over her celebrity fandom, and that Boston will shut the hell down if it has to. Good times, good job everyone!

    • In 1998, I single-handedly shut down Boston. Well, a giant blizzard helped, but I was the one who decided to go out in my van, then try a u-turn in the middle of Mass Ave (the only sort of plowed street at the time), and get stuck, blocking the entire road for a good 45 minutes. Traffic kept backing up and no one got out to help me, so it was also partially their fault too, gosh dang Massholes.


        • Well, it was a snowstorm, so there weren’t any people on the road at the time I started the maneuver. By the time I was good and stuck, it seemed everyone and his brothah (Boston accent) needed to get to Central Square.

      • Amazing….I can only imagine the colorful things you were called.

      • I am going to spend my entire weekend looking up your new icon because I totally know it… Please don’t make me spend even more time on the Internet. If you won’t tell me, please let me know if this is from the 1982 reboot of Pyramid or the 70s original? I know this image so well… tip of my insane archive of pop culture brain. This is actually going to drive me insane.

  8. Good job everyone! Stay safe and warm! It is like literally freezing in L.A. right now like it’s hard for me to go outside without pants on.


  9. Today is my daughters birthday and it’s the first weekend in several months that I am actually going to get Saturday off! So, get out of my way, Friday!

  10. My name is in the ball TWICE???????????? I am all aglow over here!

  11. My first #1! How exciting!

    Let’s all make the weekend great by dancing and watching Southland Tales.

  12. WHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!???? Aw, Applesauce, that’s baloney!

    PSYCHE! My bad just kiddin’. it’s all hotsy-totsy. I don’t seriously give a care about any of these monkeyshines and/or whimsy and getting all goofy over ranks and/or upvotes.
    Like the song goes:

    No one to talk with
    All by myself
    No one to walk with
    But I’m happy on the shelf
    Ain’t misbehavin’
    I’m savin’ my love for you
    I know for certain
    The one I love
    I’m through with flirtin’
    It’s just you I’m thinkin’ of
    Ain’t misbehavin’
    I’m savin’ my love for you

  13. Just want to pop in for a second and express my disappointment in these monster ball commentator selections. Just sayin’.

  14. Well deserved everyone!!!!

  15. I would just like to say that I am happy that peeing myself in class in 3rd grade ended up being good for something. Let this be a less to you kids out there: pee yourself in class and you will get into the Monsters Ball one day.

  16. It’s my birthday weekend, so I’m going to kill it. Which means not seeing that Soderbergh movie which doesn’t look very good.

  17. Happy weekend, you guys! I’m going to read and go to bed early! WOO! WEEKEND!

  18. I’m going to lay under the covers for forever.

  19. I went on a mini wine tour today (3 wineries) with my girlfriends, and it was fun! The rest of the weekend may not be that exciting, but I’m looking forward to some book time and maybe catching up on some VG posts I didn’t get a chance to read the last few days and maybe eating some sprinkles and denying it. Congrats to you monsters who made the ball this week.

    • Where are you? (Regardless of your answer I am very jealous, but if you are in Sonoma County, I could steer you to very ood places that are free.)

      • Good, not Ood. But if the Oods made wine, I bet it would be good…

      • Unfortunately, I am NOT in a cool place like Sonoma County. I’m in Southern Indiana. For some inexplicable reason, a whole bunch of small wineries have opened up in our region recently. There are so many that there are numerous wine trails, each with their own set of mom-and-pop vineyards. One of the owners today told me that, unlike most other businesses, when the economy tanks, the sale of wine (and booze in general) actually increases. Who knew?

        • It’s a climate change thing. England is now marketing wine and wine trails too, at least since 2007, when I first reported it. This being said, I’ve tried Wisconsin and Iowa wines and learned quickly that just because you can grow grapes does not mean you should use them for anything other than grapevine tourism.

          Is anything drinkable or is it all a vanity project for tourists? Also, if it is all vanity and tourist-based, what is their plan for harvesting water when the area gets all fracked up (or moreso)? I don’t want to get on my soap box, but terrible water actually *does* ruin grapes and wine… long before biohazards are involved.

          (So please ask this while sampling wine casually as that is what normal people do.)

          if you do see more wineries (esp if they are presenting themselves as local/organic or any other high price point word), please please please ask them about their plan if the area has crap water from fraking, on a shale bit or if the area is being fracked (or if it is already… I am not familiar with the maps of southern Indiana right now.) One of the arguments in the anti-coal bit that I work with is that the Oregon wine tourism + actual wine economy + effects of coal pollution on the soil is that agriculture stuff outweighs the the “new jobs for barges” stuff not only in money but in generations of money.

          • Sorry if that last paragraph came off smug or annoying, I meant to cut it but my computer is being a jerk. This being said… I do, honestly, care about what the southern Indiana grape farmers are doing as they are super niche as-is and their soil and water can very easily become ridiculously polluted because of mining and fracking… or from neighboring farms’ runoff… or even from the northern industrial wasteland. Wine making is always hard, even in the best conditions, but the idea of doing it near the old GM Hummer plant worries me on so many, MANY levels.

            I mean, I really hope they do well. I’d honestly love to see good wine come from other areas… or even bad wine bring good tourism to gorgeous spots. Plus increased tourism and agriculture can thwart or delay fracking and strip mining. Or coal plants, which are still super common in northern Indiana. (Some friends moved near South Bend or wherever Notre Dame is and are legitimately afraid for their long-term lung and health issues bc of the nearby coal beds and rendering plants.)

          • I’m no expert on wine, but my guess is that the majority of these wines are probably never going to appear on the wine list at the Ritz. There is a ton of coal mining that has been done and continues to go on in Southern Indiana. What effect, if any, that has on the water supply and ultimately on the wine is something I’m not sure of. But your concerns make sense to me. The wines I tasted yesterday are probably grocery-store quality (and I don’t mean that in an insulting way), but wine-making is such a new profession here that these one- and two-year old small places just don’t have the expertise yet to have refined their product. Right now, it’s all about the touristy aspect, and that in itself is probably a good thing.

          • That’s an awesome thing!! It sounds like fun. At the end of the day, you’re tasting wine. We’re trying to push tourism money over coal revenue, which is why I was specifically interested.

  20. ahhhh! I feel like… maybe too excited about this?! Longtime reader, new poster, and all that jazz, so this is a big, delightful surprise! Sorry, Mom, but if accidentally besmirching your good name gets me internet approval then I hope I do it a million more times!

  21. Happy weekend and blizzard cleanup, folks!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.