As the snow starts to fall outside, beginning what is predicted to be a massive nor’easter for the east coast, I can’t help but think, “fuck these guys, seriously. Fuck them and their bullshit, beautiful trampoline accident.” And then I can’t help but think, “Ugh, I’m sorry about the language, I’m just very jealous and also a bit cold and sleepy, but I do hope you’re having fun and staying safe on your water trampoline.” Ugh. DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT WE’RE DEALING WITH OVER HERE, WHILE THEY’RE TUMBLING INTO THE WATER, LAUGHING WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL, SUN-DRENCHED SMILES, PRETENDING THAT THIS HAPPY TRAMPOLINE MISSTEP IS ANYTHING CLOSE TO THE SOUL-CRUSHING EMBARRASERRORS THAT USUALLY MAKE UP TRAMPOLINE ACCIDENTS? Puh-leeze. At least it is Friday. At least we have that. Thank goodness. Hello, good morning!

Comments (16)
  1. Good luck costal monsters! I hope instead of a blizzard you all get kittens. Self-sufficient kittens that feed and water themselves, and also take care of any ablutions or bathroom necessities so as not to be a bummer on you all.

    Guys I am still pretty much asleep right now, please don’t hold anything I say against me.

  2. Seriously! Where was the opportunistic porpoise ready to hump that guy’s head when he fell in? This is bullshit. I’m going back to bed (yeah, BACK to bed, that’s the ticket…)

  3. Trying to decide whether or not I should feel guilty for banking on the snow and not going to work but it’s so hard to come to any conclusions from my warm bed.

  4. When it rains, it trampoline accidents.

  5. My boss decided everyone was working from home today, so at least thats good. HOWEVER, if this fucking blizzard cancels my business trip to southern California this weekend I am going to punch said blizzard right in the mouth.

    • My boss is traveling to California Sunday night, and all yesterday I was putting together her itinerary and google street viewing where she was going and just hating her so much. Whatever, I love snow, I MEAN IT.

  6. Guys, I need your wise counsel. Which is scarier? Rec or Session 9? My friends and I booked a hotel for CNY and we’re having a movie marathon! YAY!

    • I think Rec is scarier, personally, but if I remember right I liked them both. I just cannot find anything with David Caruso scary anymore.

    • I had this exact same dilemma last week except it was me alone in my apartment so I opted for C. none of the above, and watched The Innkeepers instead. It was not terribly scary.

  7. The only thing that would have made this trampoline accident internet worthy is if the bro filming had laughed so hard that he dropped his waterproof camera and it slowly drifted to the bottom of the ocean where it rested pointing into the face of a very disinterested sea turtle casually chewing some seaweed.

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