For a long time Steven Seagal was mostly just a buffoon. But as soon as he started telling everyone he was an actual police officer, and riding around with real police officers saying things like, “Yeah! Go get him!”, that is when it switched into dangerous buffoonery. You should not do that, buffoon. You are making it harder for police to do their police jobs with all of your stupid yelling, and if the police cannot do their jobs, bad things happen, you stupid, but now also dangerous, buffoon. Hey, speaking of police, mega-racist Arizona sheriff, Joe Arpaio, is putting together an “educational program” to teach a “posse” (not the Pussy Posse, unfortunately, and gross, and I am sorry) how to respond to school shooters. By shooting them back. And Steven Seagal is one of the teachers. GUYS! UNCLE! I AM SCREAMING UNCLE SO LOUD! From ABC15 via FilmDrunk:

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is planning a training exercise aimed at helping his volunteer posse members respond to school shootings. Arpaio’s exercise Saturday at a closed school site in suburban Fountain Hills will simulate scenarios for posse members who volunteered for patrols that the sheriff launched last month just outside schools to guard against shootings. Action-film star and posse member Steven Seagal will serve as an instructor at the event. The sheriff hopes to have as many as 400 posse members and another 100 volunteers known as reserve deputies participate in the patrols. Officers will portray gunmen during the training, while 25 teenagers will play the part of students. Non-lethal projectile guns will be used in the exercise.

You know, the situation in this country right now with mass shootings is so upsetting and insane that it is basically impossible to talk about on this website, and we shouldn’t talk about it on this website, we should talk about it in THE WHITE HOUSE, that is where this conversation belongs, but, like, if you do care about human life and you do want to find a solution to the on-going gun violence in this country that far too often affects children, can you please not just go out into the desert with Joe Arpaio and Steven Seagal and let them shoot you with beanbags? That doesn’t seem like the right route, does it? Does it seem like the right route? The guy is a buffoon. An increasingly dangerous buffoon. (I’m talking about Seagal, but Arpaio pretty much stinks to high heaven as well.) Again: we don’t have to talk about this. I’d rather we didn’t. Let’s talk about something else. Like this. Like what is that all about? But also Jesse H. Chrimbus, Steven Seagal.

Comments (28)
  1. Sure Steven Seagal, lets just see how easy it is for you to say this when you are NOT wearing your bulletproof kimono.

  2. I don’t really see the problem here. Our nation is Under Siege from lawless gunmen who’ve been proven Hard to Kill until it’s too late. If they have to be Marked for Death to show that they’re not Above the Law, then so be it. Aren’t we all Out for Justice anyway?

  3. Wow seriously diet coke

  4. I don’t see how anything could possible go wrong.

  5. I’m sure only sane and normal people will show up for this training. What could possibly go wrong? Here’s the idea I sent to Washington: Bullet proof doors and windows on the first floor of all schools. Finance it with a surcharge (don’t say “tax”) on all gun sales. Can you believe Washington didn’t respond?!?!?

  6. Speaking to the Diet Coke/Marc Jacobs news, I’m starting to feel like I missed out on some kind of different disconnect from the cultural elite that my early 20th century counter-part-self may have experienced. I mean, I’m not telling any tales out of school when I say most of the “glitterati” seem to be totally vacant, anti-philosophical money-shredders, but as I get older (I just had my 300th birthday) these people seem more and more ridiculous in a totally non-threatening way. Marc Jacobs makes nice clothes according to the people who are paid to say Marc Jacobs makes nice clothes, and seems like an over-rich buffoon who is going to take his “edge” to a DIET SODA! “I’m a bad ass because you all let me be one.” But I just feel like someone like Coco Chanel was at least kind of legit scary. She really hated Jews. THAT’S TERRIFYING! I don’t know if it’s overly cynical to want people like Marc Jacobs to be something more than just a construct of what an insecure civilization wants to believe is existentially and psychically possible, but it really makes the loathing come back unsatisfying when it’s all so safe.

  7. File this under: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  8. I don’t know you guys, I think it’s a smart idea to have Steven Seagal teach people how to shoot a prop gun.

  9. Did anybody else go to that link, read “Marc Jacobs Named Diet Coke Creative Director”, and think that Marc Jacobs named Diet Coke the creative Director of his clothing brand? Like, the Marc Jacobs brand will now be creatively directed (??) by Diet Coke?

  10. “Marc, tell us what you know about Diet Coke.”

    “That’s when you cut your cocaine with Splenda, right?”

    “… You’re hired.”

  11. Go LARP at a laser tag you old dorks.

  12. Holy moly they’re assembling hundreds of people who share only the worst characteristics of Dwight Schrute, who would be terrifying in real life even with the weird charm.

  13. Are Marc Jacobs and Taylor Swift dating now?

  14. Also, I’m guessing the bottom left image here is supposed to be evocative? Nice.

    Still, nothing can come between me and Diet Coke. I drink like 3 a day.

  15. If I remember correctly, there was an armed security guard at Columbine during the shooting. So much for that, I guess.

  16. Where was Steven Seagal after McVeigh bombed Oklahoma City? Shouldn’t he have been out there, advocating for a car bomb in every garage? Where was he after 9/11? Shouldn’t he have trained our nation’s children to hijack planes to fly into planes hijacked by terrorists? Why now, Steven? Why the hypocrisy?

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