When I was in seventh grade — it might have been sixth, but let’s say for the sake of this that it was seventh — my science project was to “test if subliminal messaging works” and I chose it because I did not want to do a science project and instead I just wanted to have a big bowl of M&Ms and music you could listen to at my science fair stand, and also probably because I had recently watched the Josie and the Pussycats movie. Now I guess you just attach a GoPro to a toy and send it into the atmosphere and cut it into a nice little web video that you, I’M SURE, display on the family 15-inch MacBook Pro? WHAT’S UP WITH KIDS THESE DAYS? (Via LaughingSquid.)

Comments (23)
  1. My science project was “Does cold water boil faster than warm water” and I picked it because it had to or else why would that be an option for a project. But it doesn’t, warm water boils faster. So when I had to present my findings the rest of the class was like “uh, no shit.” Waste of time.

    • Mine was something like, ‘What is biodegradable?” I had a bunch of jars filled with dirt and then put random stuff in the dirt, such as a lettuce leaf and a styrofoam peanut. And then I just put them in the sun for a couple of weeks and reported my findings. Styrofoam is NOT biodegradable. I grew up to major in English.

      I remember one of the girls in my class did a test of the effects of soda on teeth, and she took one of her baby teeth and put it in a petri dish of Coke and the results were suuuuper gross.

      • Mine was a seismograph, and all the kids took the pen to measure the earth’s movement and wrote “penis” “cock” “vagina” and “Fag” on my scroll. Fag is capped cuz we rule.

    • Mine was something about getting clean water from condensation from dirty water, and I only picked that because my mom really really wanted me to call my project ‘lilbobbytables’ clearwater revival’.

    • Mine was to see how fast mold grows on cheese when you leave it out in the refrigerator. Every weekend for like 2 months I had to take pictures of the mold’s progress. I’m not sure what was accomplished by this other than making my family’s fridge smell terrible for a few months. Thanks science?

    • One year, I had a project comparing store bought insect repellent to items found in the kitchen. Not only was it a spectacular failure, but I ended up smelling like a salad from Applebee’s.

    • Mine was “Can people tell the difference between Coke, Pepsi and generic cola, and do they like the name brands better?” because it’s a lot easier to get test subjects when you’re letting them drink free pop. I don’t remember the results but my report was called “Always Coca-Cola?” and I somehow actually made it to the regional science fair despite categorically sucking at science.

    • I don’t remember my science fair projects but did you guys have Invention Convention? I invented stuff every year. I was great at it. Every time I see those “are you an inventor” commercials during daytime I think “Maybe I’ll be an inventor again some day!!!”

    • I did one to test how watering plants with vinegar would affect their growth. My hypothesis was that it would kill them. Hypothesis confirmed. It was also confirmed that I was a lazy student.

    • Mine was testing heliotropism. Did you know that plants tend to grow TOWARD the sun? Weird.

      Actually, my niece is super into science, and took second place in the Alaska state science fair last year (something about worms in the mudflats and migratory birds), and this year she dumped her partner for a better partner so she can finish first. She’s nothing like her uncle.

    • I did some experiment involving fermentation that was basically on the way towards making beer, and wanting to be cool, I sort of told kids that it actually was beer. One kid drank it. This is the same kid who one day was missing when we all came in from recess. Panic ensued until the we saw him still outside, playing on the swing alone. The teacher quickly went from worried panic to rage.

  2. I don’t think FUN! means higher as in high in the sky with the lyric “higher than the Empire State”. So basically they just played a song about getting fucked up with kids in it.

    • Ugh I can’t watch videos with the sound on at work, so I’m glad I was spared having to listen to that song. Can I just say how much I hate that song? It was totally designed for people who don’t listen to music to think they listen to something “artistic.”

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