You wake up in a dark, wooded, very spooky area. How did you get here? What’s the last thing you remember? You think back — you were driving to meet a friend on a twisty, turn-y stretch of unlighted road in a bit of light rain. You had only ever been on this road in the daytime and never really realized how unsafe it was, and if you had realized that you would have asked your friend to meet elsewhere, and you were feeling a little resentful that your friend KNEW the conditions were going to be like this and STILL asked you to come meet her. What a bitch, seriously. But that is just like her. Can’t expect her to ever think of anyone else! Have to accept her for who she is! A BITCH! So you were driving along this road, and then what happened? You try to remember… You saw something off in the distance. A figure, but not quite human. Not an animal, though — no. Not quite. Yes, it’s coming back to you now. Just as the memories flood into your mind — the screaming, the wreck, the blood (yours? you can’t remember now) — you hear something approaching you. You try to move and realize you can’t, you’re chained to something nearby. The footsteps are getting closer and you can hear whomever or whatever it is breathing heavily, and you’re not sure if you should scream or remain quiet, but you’re positive that it must be able to hear your racing heart beating through your chest. This is the end, you’re sure of it. You have never felt more frightened and alone. Why you? Why now? WHY NOT HAVE A CUP OF NICE HOT HERBAL TEA!


PS: Too scary or not scary enough, do you think?

Comments (27)
  1. Herbaria sounds like a pooping disorder.

  2. Herbaria: it’s made of your nightmares.

  3. OK, stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A clown, a zombie, and Michael Myers fall into a lake…

  4. Who knew that murderers only weaknesses are being tied to an oversized tea bag and drowned in the murky depths of a lake of tea? Although I have to wonder what the combination of dead murderer bodies and tea will do the the ecosystem. It may just be causing more problems in the long run.

  5. Kelly, your intro reminds me a lot of the opening sequence of one of my favorite computer games of my youth, Countdown. Here is the sequence to which I refer.
    Did anyone else play this? Did anyone ever get out of the metal hospital or did everyone get lobotomies? Does anyone else ever sing the theme song in their heads even now to this day because it’s just such a good song?

  6. Welp. I’m switching to coffee now.

  7. i don’t like this at all. But maybe that’s the point? Because I feel anxious and afraid and maybe some herbal tea would be good? Except I’m drinking coffee because it’s morning so i’ll just be nursing these demons all day.

  8. Could be worse.

  9. More like “Creepytime” — amirite?

  10. Would have been better if they’d used this guy:

  11. What if this is the terror that tea goes through every time you want a beverage? Oh my, what have I done??????

  12. Where’s the video? All I see is this damn ad.

  13. I enjoy relaxing by the fire with a hot cup of tea as much as the next Faun, but if these are the forms your anxieties tend to assume, perhaps something stronger is in order? Might I suggest lorazepam? Or gin?

  14. I wanted to make a comparison to this & some type of nightmare teabagging joke, but I’m sobbing too hard to think clearly.

  15. Drown your fears…unless your fear is drowning, in which case this commercial will make you have a panic attack.

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