She probably just committed the original crime in order to get herself exactly where she needed to be to commit the PERFECT crime. This is what is known in the crime biz as “pulling a Skyfall.” (Street variants include: “pulling a Loki in Avengers,” and “pulling a the defunct FOX series Prison Break.” Urban Dictionary.) (Via TheDailyWhat.)

Comments (38)
  1. Love the judge.

  2. ScarePlaysGames – Wow I hope someone stabs her in prison

    Yeah me too ScarePlaysGames! I mean everyone in contempt of court should be stabbed! Duh

  3. I don’t really understand what happened that brought her fine from $5,000 to $10,000. Was it because she was walked away too quickly and it jumped because she was disrespectful… or was there some kind of added list of whatever that would add on to the fine and/or double it? There were codes listed that I did not understand and if any of you fine lawyers out there could explain it to me, I’d be very grateful. I may even let you borrow some of my expensive jewelry procured from the finest racks at Claire’s.

  4. I can’t pay attention to anything besides her hair. It never occurred to me before that if I went to jail, I wouldn’t have access to a hair dryer. I’m going to stop committing crimes, this video has scared me straight.

  5. Was it a very quiet YouTube video or was it just the Perfect Crime: seemingly quiet video uploaded by Videogum to force us to turn our speakers all the way up and at the end it stays at the same volume and never gets louder and then we’re thinking, “Well that was weird,” and just continue to listen to music but forget that you had turned the volume all the way up and it blasts a really loud noise and bothers every one of your bosses?

    I’ll say it was the former.

  6. Oh man, kids today, amirite? Back in my day we knew not to smart off to a judge. And also that snitches get stitches. Or was that just me? Did I have a weird upbringing? I..I think I need therapy.

  7. Look at your life! Look at your choices!

  8. She is behaving like a typical smart-ass teenager. The judge is a petty blowhard who’s abusing his authority. It is irresponsible of him to let his personal feelings determine sentences. Now we get to foot the bill for her 30-day incarceration for not adequately kissing his ass.

    • I disagree firmly. Very firmly. You can’t act like a douche in court. Well, you can, but see the above.

    • Umm… the adult with the robes and the ability to lock you up in a cage is the one person whose ass you should probably kiss unequivocally. It’s cool to be all “fuck the man” with your PE coach or whatever, if that’s what you’re into, but county jail is not the principal’s office.

    • There is plenty of room to work between asskissing and asshattery. Even a smart-ass teenager can figure out that sometimes you need to answer a couple of questions with just a modicum of respect and you can do that while standing tall without lowering your lips to anybody’s ass.

    • I think I agree with schlocktober! (the best month?) She’s a nitwit but he says “Bye-bye” and she says “Adios” — so? It is probably a show of some personal deficiency on my part but I didn’t note any real disrespect in that, just basic human interaction. How insecure would I have to be in my job and person before I felt that was an act of contempt worth $5,000?

      Then she is VERY stupid and maybe justifiably angry and gets 30 days in jail for, basically, being VERY stupid and justifiably angry. And that costs us, but it’s worth it because it makes her… smarter and less angry?

      I’m not sure I can support this judge. Also you guys my court date (in June!) for not going instantly when the light turned green (in December!) is probably going to end with me inadvertently offending the judge and going to jail. Visit me.

      JUDGE: Is this how your mother raised you, to disrespect the law?
      ME: If it please the court, similar unseemly behavior was encouraged last night in a bed of conjugal relations by your honor’s mother. Ha, no but seriously, now that we have established a lighthearted rapport through an aptly legal-sounding mom joke, I’d like to turn the court’s attenti–
      JUDGE [recovering from rage blackout]: 100 YEARS! BAILIFF!
      ME: Whoa, I said “If it please the court” — that means if it doesn’t please the court, just ignore it. BAILIFF!

      Visit my unmarked grave at Super Max, you guys.

      • Although, he is pretty patient when she won’t say what her jewelry is worth. Maybe that ass hattery just used up all the Patience Points she was allotted so it literally did not matter what she said after that if it was anything other than nothing.

        Although, c’mon, on the smart aleck scale (1-10), “Adios” is like a 2. I found it charming.

    • On a quick google I found that 30 days of adult detention in FL costs $1600. I would expect juvie to be more, maybe even double?

      So its a valid question as to whether that’s money well spent. You’d really have to ask someone on the ground floor whether they think the kids in the system “learn anything” or not.

      (I have a brother in law who actually went to juvie — supposedly he liked it better than home. Poor guy is still terribly fucked up and he’s almost 40.)

      • Yeah no juvenile detention may be WAY more. One report says $186/per day, so $5580.

        That seems to be clearly in the “waste of money” zone if all you are doing is combating sassmouth.

  9. Maybe it’s because I have a friend that works in the juvenile courts here, and his stories are so bad that he doesn’t even like to tell me about his day anymore…but this video really just bums me right the fuck out.

  10. If she would have shown up in a bikini, she would have been released to James Franco.

    Spring Break Forever!

  11. To be fair to the girl, though, that judge’s accent was pretty…

    Out of order.

    /YEAAAAAHHHHHHH

  12. How much is the jewelry worth?

  13. What we have here is, like, a failure to communicate, and stuff.

  14. If you watch this without the sound, it’s like a very strange, very awkward blind date via Skype.

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