You know, you try to get through you day — you only snooze your alarm once in the morning, you take a pleasant walk, drink a coffee, respond to a few emails. You try to stay calm, keep your head on your shoulders, do your yoga breathing, remember how nothing seems as bad later as it does in the moment. And then you run across an article that informs you that THERE HAS NEVER BEEN AN OFFICIAL MATTEL-OWNED BARBIE CAFE ON THIS PLANET UNTIL YESTERDAY, JANUARY 30TH? Are you kiiiiiddiiiing meeeeeeeeee? WHERE HAVE ALL THE BARBIES BEEN EATING?! Ha-ha. Just kidding. I obviously know that dolls don’t need to eat in brand-specific cafes and can in fact eat anywhere they want, and they do it when you turn your head but they’re not super fast so sometimes if you turn your head back really quickly you can catch them moving a little. Anyway, this is obviously big news for all women, all children, all men, all humans, all dolls, and anyone who currently lives in or is going to visit Taipei, because that is where it exists. If you can choke down your anger, disappointment, and frustration that are currently stemming from the fact that you’ve realized there is truly nothing in this world you can count on, plz check out the video of this pink wonderland:


DID YOU SAY TEN DOLLARS OR TEN DOLL HAIRS? Hahahaha. Ahh. Nailed it. Also this cafe looks beautiful and stupid and ridiculous and I would love to go there and I don’t understand why one of these doesn’t exist in New York City. I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS. (Via OddityCentral.)

Comments (26)
  1. “Ken I have a double latte, please?

  2. All the patrons thought it was a great idea until they tried to use the washroom, and discovered that the doors were just molded onto the wall.

  3. They also have a Hello Kitty maternity ward. This is probably the closest I’ll ever come to wanting specialkittens.

  4. They are doing this all wrong. This cafe appears to have many food and food-like objects in it. How are you supposed to patronize this place and keep your 39x18x33 figure LADIES?

    They should be serving cappuccinos made only of 0% fat foam. Maybe a nice lunch of 1 and 1/2 tic tacs just like our drag barbie role model Ru Paul.

    • I just thank god they’ve labeled each tiny cake with their calorie count. How else I am supposed to fit into my Malibu Barbie bikini this weekend?

  5. I like the phrase “a noticeable amount of pink.”

  6. Ugg, ten doll hairs?!?!? Thanks for giving me flashbacks to my childhood as a younger sister to a know-it-all brother. I’m telling mom!!

  7. I’ve never been to any of the doll cafes (I know, I know), but doesn’t the American Girl one have a decent high tea? I only ask because I’ve been craving cucumber sandwiches and need a fix… fast.

    • I am now tempted to take one for the team and attend the Minneapolis American Girl cafe. I would ask other Minnesotan monsters to join but have a feeling a bunch of adults eating at a doll store would make things more creepy, not less.

      • As a Minneapolis monster I am in, although it would definitely be creepy. I could ask one of my friends to borrow their kid for appearances sake… That wouldn’t be a weird request at all.

    • Don’t forget to ask for a special chair for your doll. Yes, that’s a thing. Yes, I’m ashamed to know that.

    • I went to the one in Chicago a few years back because I had to get my Molly doll new glasses. Yes, I am so cool I had worn out a pair of doll’s glasses. And a girl can’t have her doll walking stiffly around with loose glasses now can she???

  8. I would go. I missed my chance to go to The Fashion Cafe after all.

  9. This place is SO needed. Just like the Beverly Hillbillies-themed Casino in Nevada.

  10. issa greatest headline, ahh??

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