coolmule.jpg

Sorry, Hollywood. Better luck in 2010. All of this year’s Academy Awards are sewn up.

Ice T’s acceptance speech for Best Actor:

“Thank you! Oh man, this is a dream come true. I want to thank everyone who worked so hard…well not hard, but who worked on this movie. There were a lot of times on the set where I was like ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE?’ and ‘WHO IS THIS MOVIE EVEN FOR?’ but for some reason the director and the writer and the producers didn’t seem to have that problem. Like, at all. I don’t think they ever put any thought into this movie whatsoever. I’m pretty sure that first pitch meeting was just like ‘it’s going to be a combination of Goonies, Mr. Ed, and I Am Sam.’ Shit, I just did it for the money. Coco Marie’s new tits aren’t going to pay for themselves. In any case, thanks. I really, really could not have anticipated beating out The Wrestler 2: The Edge of Reason and You Make My Day to win the Academy Award for Best Actor for my work as the voice of a talking mule in this atrocious “family friendly” nightmare. In your face, Mickey Rourke. Ya burnt. I’m out.”

(Thanks for the tip, Ana.)

Comments (19)
  1. Hollywood sure likes its African-American pack animals.

  2. Oh man, fart jokes! They never get old!

  3. ok  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 +6

    Well this looks fucking amazing.

  4. I guess Kevin Sorbo was available. Hercules royalty checks don’t last forever!

  5. Kevin Sorbo and Ice Tea…..I want to be friends with whoever thought to put those two in a movie together.

  6. it sounds like ice t literally phoned in his lines. this reeks of a russian oligarch’s vanity project.

  7. I ‘m hoping (I’m not hoping) that Kevin Sorbo rides Ice-T in the movie.

  8. greatest. movie. ever.

  9. Advance candidate for Worst Movie of All Time?
    Sad that this is basically what so many 90s movies were.

    • That One  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 +2

      I’m not trying to be a dick, but the 90′s were a really decent decade for film. Just do a quick IMDb of what came out in ’99 alone.

  10. Experience this quirky new black comedy!

  11. That One  |   Posted on Apr 24th, 2009 +4

    According to the Dove foundation (a Christian website), some questionable content in Tommy and the Mule includes:

    women in tank tops and sundresses
    mule flatulence
    3 instances of the phrase “shut up”
    2 instances of the phrase “oh my gosh”

    And that’s just the tip of the iceberg (they do give it 4 out of 5 doves, though):
    http://www.christiancinema.com/catalog/article_info.php?tPath=3&articles_id=6007

  12. And *I’M* the one that’s tragically broke. Right, God. Thanks. Again.

  13. Joshwaa  |   Posted on Apr 25th, 2009 0

    I think Gooby is more disturbing and confusing.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H5BAjLFvl4

  14. “sorry son, its my duty”
    Pro-war slant much? no wonder it got 4 out of 5 doves…

  15. RE. GOOBY
    had to watch that with both hands over gaping mouth– so creepy to think that gooby is an actual film and not an amazing mr. show trailer. and the VO guy might be the creepiest part. and the music. and the premise. and the execution. other than that, great pg family fun!

  16. mcfuzz  |   Posted on Apr 26th, 2009 0

    okay, i get why the mule talks, but HOW IS HE SO FAST?

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