Sometimes you read about something and what you read is so convoluted and stupid and trivial it’s like, listen, I’m not going to be the only one who has to sit here and suffer through knowing about this garbage story. I REFUSE. If this has to take up space in my mind I’m bringing a few more people down with me, because this world is a vampire and Lord knows its not getting enough blood from just one blogger. So let me get you up to speed: Russel Brand is friends with someone who teaches Yoga named Tej, and Tej told him that she wanted to quit teaching Yoga at her particular studio (I KNOW. PLEASE STAY WITH ME.) but her studio wouldn’t let her out of her contract. And action. From ONTD:

So, last Tuesday, at the start of morning class, Brand decided to fight the power and stage a mass walk out. The source says that just as the students were getting situated on their mats, and fellow celeb Demi Moore was taking off her shoes and finding a spot on the floor [Ed Note: Yes, obviously.], Russell marched to the front of the class, with Tej standing next to him.

“Golden Bridge is not treating my friend in a respectful manner,” Russell charged. “After years of dutiful service, they refuse to let her out of her contract. If you’d like to continue to study with her, follow me!” An eyewitness says the crowd shifted nervously for a few seconds, wondering whether or not they were being Punk’d, but soon enough, at least half of the class, Demi Moore included, rolled up their mats and followed Russell right out the door!

NOW WE ARE IN THIS GARBAGE BAG TOGETHER! Ugh, it’s so smelly and so weird in here. “Follow me! Outside, I guess! To the parking lot? I don’t know!” “As you know, the #1 way to solve any problem with your employer is to have me come and stage a walkout. Employers are known to let employees out of their contracts if a B-level or higher celebrity comes to their place of employment and protests, though it would help if a struggling I guess A-level happened to be there as well. Cool?” That’s Russel explaining the plan to Tej. “Cool.” That’s Tej accepting it. “Thanks.” That’s you thanking me for this story. (If your wondering what the studio in question has to say about the whole matter, they say this: “Tej quit. She just upped and left. There wasn’t a contract problem though, she just quit.”) (So.) (YOU’RE WELCOME, GOODNIGHT!)

Comments (31)
  1. Downward Facing Dumb #RusselBrandYoga

  2. My personal opinion on Russell Brand is that he is about as useful as yoga.

  3. So we’re all assuming that this yoga studio is basically an evil entity, right? Because Russell Brand says so and he is our moral compass?

  4. “Okay, sir, it’s a little involved, but I think I’ve come up with a plan to get Russel Brand out of our yoga studio forever.”

  5. What I will say in defense of Russell Brand is that he had the Westboro Baptist Church on his talk show a few months back, and the way he handled them was actually incredible. He had every opportunity to just be the biggest asshole to those people, but instead was really pleasant and kind and they ended up looking about 20 billion times worse when they insisted on continuing with the hate speech than they would have if he was his typical douchey self. Well played, Russell Brand, well played.

  6. It’s this kind of thing that makes me lose what little curious faith I have in the centering and self-improving properties of these kinds of activities. I mean, If I were to go to yoga, it would be to calmly and peacefully try to eliminate the small part of my lizard brain that tries to make me act like Russel Brand. If Russel brand does this much yoga, and is still full on Russel Brand, then Yoga is just not looking like a good investment for mental and spiritual health.

  7. I can’t stop thinking about what happens when they all get out to the parking lot and are standing around and just staring at each other?!?!?!?!?!?

  8. This incident would play out much better if it were a Katy Perry song.

  9. There’s some sort of Pied Piper pun to be made here, I can feel it.

  10. True story: I had a very hippy neighbor for a while and she would decide whether to read a book by putting it on her windowsill for a day or two and sensing its aura.

    Somehow the funniest part of this is that fiction almost never passed the test.

    Anyway she was into yoga too.

  11. Please allow me to defend Russell Brand. I’m a big fan since the days of his BBC radio show. When I got to meet him two years ago, I was having a very tough year. He made an effort to make eye contact with me and told me I was beautiful. He seemed genuinely touched to hear what his comedy meant to me. So from what I experienced, he’s a really nice guy and I’ll never forget how much better he made me feel. I love ol’ Russ.

  12. Sounds like Russell did some damage to that salon’s…brand. Yeah.

  13. Whoah, dude. Tej is a good master yoga teacher and has taught at this studio since it’s inception however many decades ago. Trippy that she quit. I guess spiritual hippy fascists are not without their own drama! Bummer. And, uh, may the [yoga] force be with you!

  14. “She just upped and left.”: Possibly my favorite sentence ever.

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